Mine is doing the same thing. For six months he provided for our family. Then when he dumped me the second time for OW he just cut us off.

I have been fighting him on it for four months. Because I chose to fight he said to me in an email awhile back,

"You want me to come back to you? You are ruining my military career by fighting me on child support. You say you love me, but your actions speak otherwise. How can you be fighting me on this?"

Never trust a wayward orally - it must all be written down and notarized!!!!

Wayturds just suck!!!

He is wayward and he is ANGRY that he isn't getting his way.

Waywards are like 2 year olds throwing tantrums.

Just stick to your Plan and remember, whatever he does, don't break Plan B.

I don't even get what his way is!!! I asked him through the IM how he is going to have the kids every other weekend (like he filed for in the temporary relief) if he only has 1 out of every 3 weekends off? He didn't respond. He does not make sense. He is INSANE and ILLOGICAL and completely stupid!!!! She can have this version of him because I don't know who this man is.....

My take from observation.

WHs are used to having wifey take care of the kids so they can work and play and date OW and still be a family man.

They are used to being adored by wifey and leading wifey in all family proclamations about family mottos.

Logic was handled by wifey in daily family matters. She did the grunt work. The tactical daily planning and implementation.

(This would be for men who are wayward....not sure what wayward womens' mindsets are).

During plan B, WHs are beside themself trying to get their balance to handle parenting and continuing the affair. It is tougher when wifey doesn't co operate with direct interaction. They can barely manage the various balls in the air without their wives.

Do you have ANY IDEA how difficult it is for me not to take your comments and turn them into a 20 minute comedy routine?



I am showing so much restraint at the moment it's making my armpits sweat.

Mehr just checking in.

Don't be surprised or figure out their thinking. They aren't thinking just traveling through the fog.

Every day they wake up and take their "stupid pill" and just wander around going in circles saying "where am I".

Sad but true

And the theory is that it wears off within 2 years for most of them.... I guess.... I see now why Jon in the book starts asking, why is he waiting? ...

Mehr - stick with me! You and I are on the same page today. Granted for some odd reason my LB is draining in Plan B.

I have to say if he files for divorce when her returns from deployment I may just throw in the towel. Not sure yet. All I know is I would really love to just beat the two of them down right now.

Tough~

Mine is too.... for me it is the money thing, the fact that he is not providing for the kids and I has me really upset even without talking to him. What kind of hateful selfish jerk....

Really, it's not your place any more to follow him around and try to inject sanity and common sense into his folly. It's up to him to figure out how he's going to have the kids and work.

Your part in this is to question the kids (gently, very gently) after they have a weekend with him working. Who took care of them? Were they supervised? Etc. And if he cancels visitation because he's working, document it down the minute, and ask for more custody and more money.

Are they around OW already? If so, first ask your lawyer if there is any way to prevent this. Some states have great laws that can work to your advantage. If not, you still have a couple of options. One is to express, through IM, that you are not ok with the kids being exposed to his adultery partner. Firmly but politely say that you expect him to keep them away from her. Some waynerds will actually give in to this request even when they are not legally obligated to do so. And lastly, if he's in-your-face they're going to be around OW and you can't stop me, have your IM notify him that you expect the OW's name, address, phone #, and social security # so you can run a criminal background check on her prior to her being around your children.

You have lots of strong options in this. Reminding him that he might have underestimated his use of time isn't one of them.

I have asked him through IM not to have them around her but he refuses to listen. So far I haven't had luck preventing it legally but still working on that.

The last two days he took the kids to the lair. Yesterday she apparently gave my daughter a bath with her daughter and I can see she painted my daughter's toenails and fingernails. She is playing mommy with my kids. I'm sure he loves that. Its so infuriating.

Then through your attorney, or if not then through IM, request her full info for a criminal background check.

If you have even part of her info, like her first and last name, you can at least run her through the Megan's Law website and make sure she's not a convicted sex offender. (She's probably not, but find out everything you can. She wouldn't be the first OW to have some kind of criminal record, if she did, and the more you know the better armed you can be.)

IM: WH,
Although Miss OW does not appear on the list of local sex offenders, it is important to make sure she does not pose any other kind of physical risk to the children. Please provide her full information as soon as possible, so a full criminal background check can be run.
Thank you,
IM

If he actually sends the information, I will be surprised. The reason it's important to ask, is that it shows you are very concerned for the children's welfare, especially when it comes to throwing them around a complete stranger of already-proven immoral character. She is not a part of the family, but a robber and destroyer. She could be an axe murderer for all he knew or cared when he brought her around the children, without stopping to question her history or ensure their safety. (She's probably not actually an axe murderer, either.)

Being vigilant enough about your children to question the history of un-vetted strangers who are allowed to care for them (AND GIVE THEM BATHS - YUCK!!!!) demonstrates the level of concern a good parent should have for their well-being.

Having OW mad about being assessed as a potential criminal is only a happy side bonus. The fact is, children are at greater risk of abuse from their parents' girlfriends/boyfriends than almost anyone else on the planet.

Your children are blessed to have a good, vigilant mom like yourself.

Sorry to T/J a little Mehr.

Neak - I have a couple questions. I love this approach to other to the other woman. I plan to also do the same thing with my WH's POSOW.

Where I struggle is because it is such a huge love bank withdrawal. I posted on another thread how the value systems of WH and I are completely different now. Both Mehr and I stand for moral character and our WH's stand for criminal behavior.

I am struggling with the logic because I am in Plan B to save my marriage. Each time I stand up for moral character to my WH I feel like I am draining all love out of him. Almost to the point of putting hate into him.

Mehr and I both are on the same page with this. My brain says do not compromise strong moral boundaries, but my heart feels like I am bleeding him dry of love.

Can you shed any more light on the logic of this?

Thanks Tough~

Bravo to Neak for a practical insight.

When our children are at school we know that all teachers and workers have criminal checks

Even when I volunteered at my church I had to have a criminal check.

But here is this OW who you know nothing about giving your child a bath?

I am sure it is innocent and her way of playing Mommy Dearest but if you don't let your children around strangers and your WH is obviously not thinking straight, it would be a reasonable request.

If he balks and thinks you are being unreasonable (jealous) then it makes him look bad especially if something turns up.

Don't talk to him, stick with your IM, when you send something about the kids through the IM, always use "We statements". eg: "We both want is best for our children"; "We need to protect our children" "our children are having issues". When you make I statements it puts WH into a challenge. Makes sense?

Even though you are apart give an "as if" type of responses that you are both on an united front which will also upset OW.

Put the shoe on the other foot, tell WH if I was seeing someone would you feel comfortable with him giving your children a bath.

Blessings.

First of all nothing the ow does IS innocent. She is behaving inappropriately around your child "giving her a bath" as that is an intimate act only for parents or for a child old enough to do alone.

I would have the attny send a flaming letter out to not do that, and to NOT HAVE THE KIDS IN A SITUATION WHERE THERE IS ADULTERY being slammed in their faces. I would have the attny send a cease and desist letter that there should be "no overnight visits of the opposite sex while the child is in the house' paving the way for the COURTS to allow this language in the sep documents.

You are still sending them over and there needs to be a strong show of force here by you and the new attorney that THIS BEHAVIOR IS NOT TO BE TOLERATED.

Question: Can you finally get the attny to have somebody do a criminal background check on ow? This really needs to be done. You need to get her in a bad bad light.

Having her bathe your child is one thing.

I had my attny do this very thing to my xwh's ow. he wrote a scathing letter to her that she is not to touch my child when naked and that this would be addressed in court. My xwh's ow tried giving my male child a bath and I was able to shut that down in court 100%. The judge said it was improper too!

You gotta stand up Mehr. Do not take this. The waywards will creep their agenda forward each day by mere inches. They will push boundaries a little more..and a little more...each day and hope that in time, you will relax YOUR GOOD BOUNDARIES and let them have their sinful lifestyle and actions become THE NORM. That's their goal, for it to become THE NORM.

It is NOT NORMAL. Never has been. Only with your approval can it become the norm. So never approve. I didn't.

I used each day to fight AGAINST the affair and the affairage for the sake of my child, and slowly took everything back until the point where I obtained full custody.

Also, get that attny to sue the ow for alienation of affection. Btw, you can use her getting to your kids, as proof she is out to destroy the family and marriage. Esp if she has spent the night with your H in front of the kids. Huge point and it should be an easy legal win. You SHUT HER DOWN NOW.

You are NOT POWERLESS. You have believe it or not, the law on your side, God on your side, and the good ideas and help from the people here on your side and friends and famiy. So stand tall AND GET WORKING and shut this b*tch down NOW. Slap her down legally.

You need to have the mindset Mehr that if the marriage ends, the fight to make sure your kids is still top priority.

Right now you're in plan B and your wh is in an entrenched affair and he may or may not come back. The best chance of that happening is to make as much trouble for the affair.

having the ow give your kids a bath when they'er naked is a gimme to your lawyer. Your lawyer should USE THIS AS AN OPPORTUNITY to paint ow in a negative light. It's simply inappropriate and skeezy behavior for her to do that and she needs a cease and desist letter that she is not to do that. And that "any visitor of the opposite sex is prohibited overnight when the kids are in the home of the non custodial parent for visitation".

that is how how begin to shut the ow down. You also paint her as a disturbed woman seeing your children naked too. You don't know who she is, and your H is allowing a stranger to be in a room with your child naked alone with her and THAT IS NOT GOOD PARENTING. Most judges would side with that too. All in how your attorney paints it.

But her doing this with your kids (bath thing) and the painting of toenails, and spending the night with your kids PRETENDING TO BE MOMMY is an ace in the hole for the whole ALIENATION OF AFFECTION LAWSUIT. it is something you use for your advancement of that and you would WIN HANDS DOWN.

That is another way to shut down the ow.

I know one person who used to be on MB who GOT THAT RULING and won that lawsuit (alienation of affection) and it was easily proved!

The kids tell me that recently, OW and WH have moved into a HOUSE!!!! This is really bad for my court case to get alimony from him... if he has committed to a certain amount of housing costs, that is $$ I can't get out of him. I may not be able to stay in this house. All I know is-- I still don't have a court date yet!!!! And this is the second lawyer. I feel like hyperventilating. My anxiety is through the roof.

They are over there playing house and she's playing wife and mother. I feel ill. I'd say its going to be a long time before he even considers having any regrets, he seems to be having a marvelous time.... ROBBING HIS OWN KIDS....

I hate that I always seem to learn this stuff on a Saturday and then have to wait for Monday to call the lawyer.

Think of it this way... it gives you a few days to get yourself together and then to present a well thought out plan of attack first thing Monday morning.

I'm so sorry this happening.

Oh no she di'int!

Mehr! This is so wrong. Even if she had your WH's permission to do so, it is still wrong. In fact, if anything sexual had happened to your daughter while OW was bathing her, the Courts would say that WH is also guilty for allowing it to happen! How many stories have you read on the news where BOTH parents were charged with child abuse even though only one of them did the deed. The parent who turned their head is just as guilty. Same thing here. Even though nothing sexual happened (this time) WH was still exposing your daughter to possible danger. OW may be harmless (as harmless as an OW can be) but you don't know that.

Your attorney needs to run with this one. Seriously.