Exposure means to inform about the truth. No badmouthing, judging, no emotions.

Just facts:
- your wife and her husband are having an affair
- you are ready to present proof if asked

The best possible way is to call. Then there is no chance that OM can intercept the email or letter.

I do not believe there is a state in US where speaking truth has legal ramifications. How can you harass with truth, think about it?

You want to perform an exposure to EVERYONE who might eventually ally with you (and presumably, his BW) in convincing the APs that their illicit actions are not acceptable.

So, the group would include, on your WW's side: her family (sisters are REALLY good here); her girlfriends; her old school chums; her clergy; her hairdresser (my particular favorite - how many tongues will that start wagging?); any social groups she is involved in.

You should do the same for POSOM's side - business associates, fraternal orders, more clergy, etc, etc. (Grown children, you say? Does that imply GRANDCHILDREN, who would be devastated to learn PopPop is catting around on NaNa?)

You are NOT going to be a nice person in this. You will find, however, that this is the single biggest thing you can do to save your marriage. WW will likely go ballistic. Good! At least she'll find another emotion than a glassy-eyed stare.

Other folks here hate when I use this allusion, but it serves. Remember that the life your wife had been living led to her affair. You job now is to ruin that life.

One thing that you did not reveal - Does your WW have a paying job? If not, cut off her funds - 100% - so she can't pay the rent on her little love-nest.

As a cancer survivor, btw, I can assure you that her surgery is NOT a reason for shacking up with another man.

Why would there be legal ramifications to YOU? There may be legal ramifications for the OM and your wife. Is that what you mean? If you live in the US, we have freedom to tell truth here.

I would CALL the OM's wife and tell her about the affair. Give her your full name and contact information. Send emails to the OM's children and family members and friends on facebook.

CALL your children and close family members and tell them about the affair. Ask them all to use their influence to persuade the infidels to end their affair. If this is a workplace affair then it should be exposed via a letter to Human Resources.

Bill, I will be honest and just tell you I don't have high hopes for your marriage. The reason is because you have enabled this for a very long time. You have not fought for your marriage and your complacency has given your wife the impression that you don't care very much. If there is any hope AT ALL it will result from exposing this affair wide and far. Like Dr Harley says, it is very hard to save a marriage when you are an enabler.

Exposure is the most effective weapon we have against an affair. Most of us in recovered marriages saved our marriages by exposing the affair. Dr Harley, clinical psychologist and founder of Marriage Builders, says this about exposure:

here

And listen to this radio clip and another man in your same position: listen here

Who is paying for her love nest? Does she have her own job? Who is fiancing her affair?

She is financially self-sufficient.

Yes, I enabled this......I see that now.

You might not realize that being complacent sends the message that you don't care very much. Men who don't fight for their marriages send 2 messages: 1. I don't CARE and 2. I am a wimp. That is very unattractive to women and only serves to make the OM look BETTER.

We can help you pull this off. It won't be easy but you have a chance of saving this if you will expose. I don't predict her affair will stop immediately, but it WILL hasten its death. You will cause enormous conflict in the affair and the OM will eventually dump her. He is not going to lose his marriage over some cheap piece of fun and will dump her if you turn up the heat on him. As the affair crumbles, you will be positioned to be that soft landing place and we can help you with a reconciliation.

Did you listen to the radio clip?

What does this bum do? Do they work together?

Not yet.....I'm so mind-fogged from lack of sleep I can hardly comprehend human speech.
I am taking lorazepam right now to try to sleep.....didn't get a wink of sleep last night and took the day off from work to rest and hopefully get a few hours of sleep.


He's an Orthodontist.....they knew each other years before I came along.
Exposing the affair could impact his practice!

How about getting some sleep and then coming back here so we can help you do some work? Did you go to the OM's facebook page and copy all his contacts into a WORD doc?

His Facebook Page doesn't have a list of friends.....not a lot of activity just a few posts.

OK.......got a few hours sleep.......I'm beginning to feel real again.

School me on the plan to attack this affair. I'm going now to read the link you sent about exposure.
I'm ready for HARD BALL.....what have I got to lose?

He has NO FRIENDS???

You have everything to GAIN and you might get your wife back. This is how most of us saved our marriages. Start by making up a list of key targets. Gather their phone #'s, emails, etc. Then come back and we can discuss contact methods and talking points.

Not listed on his page......want me to PM the page link?

He must have them hidden. But you can see his wall?

Yes

Anything interesting there? Do you see any posts from family members, friends? Are you putting together an exposure list?

So far all I have is his wife's name, his childrens names, and they are all listed at the same address. This guy is in his late 60's so his kids are adults but may, or may not, be living at home.

Can you find facebook pages for his children? Also, try and do a whitepages search for them and see if you can get an address.

That might be a good enough list to expose to the OM's side. One more thing I would suggest is going on his professional website and looking to see if you can find email addressess for his office staff.

Here is how this should play out.

1. call your phone call targets starting with the OM's wife. Tell her about the affair, state your evidence [let's discuss] and offer to meet with her later to give her any solid evidence you have. Offer her your phone # and name for followup. GIVE HER YOUR WIFE'S CELL PHONE #. We want her to call your wife.

Next, call up your wife's parents and tell them about the affair. Tell them you love your wife and want to save your marriage. Ask them for their advice <-----real important because you want their buy in. And ask them to use their influence to persuade her to end her affair.

With that out of the way, move onto phase 2, which is the email list. I would make up a list of those you want to email, ie: OM's children, your wife's close friends and family [excluding her parents, who should get a phone call] and send them all an email. The email should go something like this:

Dear friends and family, you were chosen to recieve this email because you are an important person to Sally and I. It is because of this that I am writing to ask for your support in saving my marriage. I love Sally with all my heart and soul and do not want our marriage and family to break up.

Sally has left me and the children to pursue her affair with a married man, Dr Joe Scumbag, a practicing dentist in Timbuktu. This affair has been going on for 1 and a half years. This has broken my heart and the heart of our children.

I ask that you use your influence to persuade Sally to end her affair with Joe Scumbag. I am hopeful that someone might be able to get through to her.

We love you all and thank you for your support,

Bill and children

When you are done here, sit your kids down and tell them all about the affair. Explain to them WHY adultery is immoral and that their mother is breaking up the family for her affair. Tell them the OM's name and inform them that he is a BAD MAN and they are to never be around him. If she EVER brings that bast*rd around they are to call you immediately.

If you can find facebook pages for his kids I would send them a private message like this:

Dear Joe, it with sadness that I send you this message but I believe since this affects you, that you have a right to know the truth. Your father, Dr Scumbag, is having an affair with my wife of 15 years, Sally Brown. This affair has been going on for since XX-XXXX and my wife has now left me and my children for your father.

If you have any influence with your father, I would use it to persuade him to stop his reckless behavior. Their actions threaten to destroy 2 families. I hope that can be stopped.

My deepest sympathy,

Mr BC, husband of SC and father of Sue and Paul, ages 7 and 5

If you can get email addresses to his office staff, I would expose there too.

This should all be done on the SAME DAY to get the maximum effect and to prevent them from pre-empting you. There should be NO FOREWARNING.

Your wife will start getting calls from people and she will call you up in an absolute FURY. Just expect that. Don't answer the phone until you are completely finished with exposures. In fact, you might let her go crazy for a few hours before you talk to her.

When you talk to her, just let her know that you felt everyone should know about her affair. Let her know you have exposed to the OM's family, office staff, her parents, friends and family AND her children. Tell her they are all awaiting her explanation for her affair.

She will rant and rave and threaten divorce "I was going to give you a chance but now I am filing for divorce...." blah, blah, blah, yip and yappola.. DO NOT LET IT BOTHER you one bit. It is just the crazy ranting of a fogged out affair addict. Her anger will blow over. \

Don't fight, cower, cringe or try to reason [you can't reason with a falling down drunk] Just say, "so sorry you are upset!" And if she gets abusive, just tell her "have to run, hon!"

Got that? Any questions?