This is UNNECESSARY!

This man chose to ABANDON his family!!!!!!!

HE IS NOT ENTITLED TO ANY INFORMATION!!!!!


Stay Dark!

Stay Dark!


Other than your IM exchanging scheduled visitation information with WH, there should be no other information exchanged.

WH does not exist in the realms of your everyday life. He gave up ALL rights to information when he abandoned his wife & family.

While I agree that you shouldn't send anything through your I'm I will tell you about the way I handled it. When my DSs would cry that they missed their dad I would ask them if they wanted to talk to him. If they said yes then I would have them call. If they said no I would just hold them and listen to them until they felt better. Right now, when my DSx2 go to WH and OWs for the night, the night before they want a lot of my attention. After they come home, they are running around like crazy. It's sad for me, but I do what I need to.

This might not be the right thing to do, but it keeps me in as dark a plan B as possible while having young children.

I do agree with HPB that your Plan B hasn't been as dark as possible but if it is as you say, and there is no direct or indirect contact, then it is your thinking and your focus. You need to change that if you want to make some real progress in Plan B and your personal recovery.

I don't know if you answered me, but what are your child exchanges like? Is there indirect contact there? What do you talk about with your friends and family? Hint, it should be something other than your WH.

I understand that your financial sitch is eating at you, and it should. You should just make sure that you do this the right way and take care of your children and yourself.

If one of the children was taken to the ER or had a serious injury/illness, WH should be contacted then.

I like the idea of staying with, or even just visiting family members. The more family and friends that rally around the kids, the easier (less horrible) it will be.

While I was wayward, one of our sons had an injury that required an emergency room visit and multiple stiches in the top of his head.

Neither my wife nor any of the kids mentioned it for several weeks. I was furious when I found out!!!!

However, it was one of those moments that shocked me out of my fog, causing me to really wrestle with choices I had made. I realized, in that moment, I was losing my family and recognised it was my own fault. Regretfully, the fog arose again and again.

I'm in full agreement with Neak, I just wanted to share a story and express my desire for you to place the proper weight on what is truly serious enough to inform WH about.

When I said to Mehr about just having IM tell him about going to counselor my initial thought was that he was not made aware he could use it against her in court.


But now hearing from a true wayward (Praise God ex- wayward) that how much out of it they truly are. You are correct don't tell him. He will either blame mehr that she is poisoning DD, not really care or be invested or just get mad.

I stand corrected. Tell him nothing but do take your DD to the counselor. She needed as much as my DD did and it did wonders.

I am not able to do this because we have a 500 deductible and i have no money. I have to find a counselor that takes medicaid... I wonder if I can even find a Christian one that won't just make it an easier divorce and remarriage for him. Today my daughter was telling grandpa that daddy is going to marry someone else. Since I never mentioned marrying, I think this has to be coming from her time with WH.

Its too late.... I already sent the message... I hope he doesn't try to fight for custody. I will remember this from now on. I will send nothing else.

Is there a thread where you told your story? How did you stop being wayward? When did the "fog" wear off, etc.? What did you do while "whacked"??

Most of the time I drop the kids off at my in laws (couple blocks from my house) and then leave before he gets there. Every now and then I have to wait for him to arrive because they aren't there. For a short while I had him picking them up here but I no longer wanted to do that since SHE was going to appear in my driveway since they use her car and his car to get our four children to their lair.

Yeah I totally need to move on mentally. It is very hard. I think it just takes time. I need to not let him know what is going on even with the kids mental state, but it is hard because I see all the fallout and he thinks everything is just fine (I think). I don't want to put any more information to him though. He will just have to wonder what is going on... if he even cares enough to wonder. Sigh.

I would live with family if I had any family that would be able to take us but I don't. My parents start getting snappy with my kids after just an afternoon with them. They had two kids 12 years apart, and they cant handle more than one at a time.

THIS is what is the main reason you are stuck. THIS is a HUGE problem for someone in Plan B. You are really going to have to change this.

What happens when you have to wait for him? Do you see him?

This needs to get plugged up and fast.

I walk out the front door while he is coming in the side door. I will work on the holes in this. I am practicing really letting him go right now. I packed up 2 garbage bags of his stuff to pass on to him.

My plan to go to college and get a nursing degree will work with or without him. And maybe once I have 'let go' and am not in the picture at all, the other woman will get comfortable and show her true colors and/or my husband will get comfortable and start acting more like he did here.... see how she likes having a man who is used to having everything done for him.

Do you have any aquaintances who could handle the switch off for you?
Trustworthy, willing people? Someone with a home between yours and the other home?

One thing I have learned in MB planning is to reach out to others for support and I have bonded more deeply than ever with general humanity.

Lots of people want to help. Its amazing. Its a-mazing.

This is why you are hurting Mehr. You aren't staying dark enough and it is keeping you in the drama and mindset of the affair instead of healing.

Doesn't mean that you won't heal, it just means that it will take much longer and you will go through a lot more hurt than necessary.

Brainstorm some ways to get this figured out so you can dark as night and you can really begin to heal.

Hear, hear! You won't know how badly this has been affecting you till you're fully dark for a little while. The difference is huge.

Most of the time my mother in law is there and I leave before he gets there. The other times, there is nothing I can do about it. There is no one b/w here and the lair as we live in a low populated area and my friends all live in "the city." I wish I had another option because I hate those times I have to actually deal with the trade off in any way.

I am getting to feeling better... even when it isn't visitation days, this whole thing just hurts, even whie I am able to realize that maybe I can find a better man. I am just not interested in someone who would dump his wife and kids for such selfish reasons, it completely turns me off.

Keeping it this way is allowing you to bleed a slow and painful death. You need to STOP the bleeding.

I can't stress to you enough how much you need to do this for yourself.

I don't know how to change the drop off situation. It works great when my in laws are home, not so great when they are not. Its part of the problem with living in a rural area..

No more visitations for another week... he gets them next Saturday.

Scotty managed ok even with p/u and dropoff at her home, as long as she had the strength to not look out the window.

Yea, I did. And I still do. It's hard not to look out that window, even now. But knowing that her ugly mugg is there too, and I may want to go out and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh, well, you all get the picture.

Mehr, you are still suffering so far out, and I am hurting for you. Just trying to figure out ways to help you heal. I know it takes time, and everyone is different, just want to help. Please, try to think about ways you CAN make your sitch different and better for you.