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#2527239 07/11/11 12:48 PM
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My husband is scheduled for a poly on Friday after almost two years since d-day.

Anyway, I gave the polygrapher (sp?) some questions to ask but he said he can't ask SPECIFIC questions and only going to ask BROAD questions. Has anybody encountered this situation? The following are some of my questions:

-Are/is there any more other women (other than OW1 & OW2) before, during and after d-day?
-If so, how many and what are their names?
-Have you gotten any sexually transmitted diseases from your infidelities?
-Has there been contact with any other women since January 2010?
-Were you in a relationship with OW2 prior to May 2009? (I think I was gaslighted on this one and their relationship started way before)
-Did you have sex other than myself in the our marital home?

Are they solid enough? Is there anything I can add to the above?

Should I be looking for another polygrapher that can ask specific questions?


Me: BS/FWW - 38
BH/FWH - 36
Married 13 years, together 17 years
Two boys: 9 & 12
OW#1 DDay: PA Nov 26, 2009 (July 2008-July 2009)
OW#2 DDay: PA Nov 29, 2009 (May 2009-Sept 2009)

Me: EA/PA (RA?) June 2010-Sept 2010
His DDay: Oct 2010
L2010NM #2527247 07/11/11 01:11 PM
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L2, there are two polygraph threads in our spying forum Operation Investigate. Please go there and look around.

Here is a post from one of the threads:

Originally Posted by SusieQ
These were Qs schoolbus had written for a BS whose WH admitted to an EA but not PA (I think) The thread was lost in the crash of '09.

My sister left these Qs on the kitchen table for her WH after telling him she had scheduled a poly. Shortly therafter he confessed his EA was, in fact, a PA.

Quote
schoolbus: Re: FWH Goes Back On His Promise
My questions:

1. Have you ever, at any time, in any place, during the entire course of your marital relationship, touched another woman's body in a manner that your wife would object to if she were to have caught you doing it?

2. Has your mouth ever sexually touched any part of another woman's body during your marriage?

3. Has your P ever touched any part of another woman's body during your marriage?

4. Has another woman's mouth ever touched any part of your body below the waist during the marriage?

5. Has another woman's hand or body part ever touched any part of your body......etc.

No wiggle room.

Polygraph testing (Read this thread.)


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Thanks SC! I'll post my question to that thread. I like the questions above, they can't give half truths to that.

I guess this is what he meant by 'broad' as in any other woman.

Hope someone can help me in the other thread to discuss.

Thanks again SC!


Me: BS/FWW - 38
BH/FWH - 36
Married 13 years, together 17 years
Two boys: 9 & 12
OW#1 DDay: PA Nov 26, 2009 (July 2008-July 2009)
OW#2 DDay: PA Nov 29, 2009 (May 2009-Sept 2009)

Me: EA/PA (RA?) June 2010-Sept 2010
His DDay: Oct 2010
L2010NM #2527277 07/11/11 01:57 PM
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L2, it's okay to post your question here as well! I just wanted you to read what was already there.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Thanks SC, it doesn't matter to me either way if it's here or in the Operation Investigate, I just need help.

We are driving close to three hours to do this and I want to make sure it's worthwhile. I have been reserved with our recovery because I have a feeling I still haven't been told the truth. I don't care about the little lies but the big ones like ANY other woman/women and contact. Those are HUGE and I'm not sure if I can swallow that.

We are planning on staying overnight and have a mini getaway if all goes well. Keyword: IF


Me: BS/FWW - 38
BH/FWH - 36
Married 13 years, together 17 years
Two boys: 9 & 12
OW#1 DDay: PA Nov 26, 2009 (July 2008-July 2009)
OW#2 DDay: PA Nov 29, 2009 (May 2009-Sept 2009)

Me: EA/PA (RA?) June 2010-Sept 2010
His DDay: Oct 2010
L2010NM #2527507 07/12/11 10:26 AM
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1. Besides the two women your wife already knows about, have there been any other women with whom you have had sexual contact of any kind during your relationship with your wife?

2. Since January 1, 2010, have you had any communication or contact, giving or receiving, with any previous or new sexual partners?

3. Was there emotional or sexual contact with OW2, giving or receiving, prior to May of 2009?

4. Besides your wife, have you had sexual contact of any kind, giving or receiving, with any other person in your marital home?

5. Have you answered all of your wife's questions regarding this affair with complete and truthful responses?

L2010NM #2527542 07/12/11 12:35 PM
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Polygraphers usually only ask questions that have a true/false or yes/no answer.

My question is what is your plan? Do you intend to proceed with trying to recover your marriage if it is determined that your husband is still not telling you the whole truth? Will you still proceed with YOUR polygraph? What would happen if your husband passes the polygraph (pretty much certain that he won't) and it comes out that you didn't exactly speak the truth initially about your no contact letter and contact with the OM after you promised you wouldn't?

If openness and honesty is your number one emotional need, then why aren't you honest with your husband about the great deal of resentment you are carrying around with you and the fact that you no longer love him? Do you tell your husband that you love him? Well, that's not the truth, is it?

If his infidelities are too much for you to be able to get past, then why don't you be truthful to yourself and your husband and just say so? No one would tell you that you are wrong to feel that way, there's no rule or law that you HAVE TO recover your marriage, you only do so because you WANT to. If you want to divorce because of his infidelity and lies, who would fault you? Infidelity on both of your part really won't matter in a court of law.

You've both been unfaithful, both lied about it, both tried to justify your actions. I don't think this polygraph is important to you to discover the truth, because I think we all know your husband hasn't been 100% truthful, I think the polygraph is important to you because then the blame score is no longer even, and once again you find yourself in the morally superior position, at least in your own mind.

If you have no interest in being with your husband or ever loving him again, why waste the money on the polygraph? Better off spending it on a lawyer. Only YOU can decide what it is that you want, L2010NM, it's like you've been in limbo for two years, time for you to make a decision one way or the other.


The one constant through all the years has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good, and it could be again.
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SB, thank you so much for tweaking my questions. I have emailed the polygraph person the questions smile Hopefully it is broad enough for him to ask.



Me: BS/FWW - 38
BH/FWH - 36
Married 13 years, together 17 years
Two boys: 9 & 12
OW#1 DDay: PA Nov 26, 2009 (July 2008-July 2009)
OW#2 DDay: PA Nov 29, 2009 (May 2009-Sept 2009)

Me: EA/PA (RA?) June 2010-Sept 2010
His DDay: Oct 2010
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 76
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Originally Posted by americajin
My question is what is your plan? Do you intend to proceed with trying to recover your marriage if it is determined that your husband is still not telling you the whole truth? Will you still proceed with YOUR polygraph? What would happen if your husband passes the polygraph (pretty much certain that he won't) and it comes out that you didn't exactly speak the truth initially about your no contact letter and contact with the OM after you promised you wouldn't?

Thank you so much for replying to me and the questions above that I am marinating in my head.

I plan on proceeding with recovery. Although not perfect, we have had a very good recovery this year. The only question that will be hard to ignore is more women other than the two bimbos that I know of and other contact after January 1, 2010 (Question 1 & 2 above). If he failed these then our recovery and my whole life since I met him has been a lie. How can I recovery with that?

I will be surprised if he passes ALL the questions and I'm okay with that. It's in the past and I'm sure during our many interrogation sessions the first two months since my d-days that he definitely lied. I will be upset but I am willing to still work on recovery.

As for my situation/OM, I have no problem going through with the test EVEN IF he failed most of it (except for Q1 & Q2). I probably would fail some of the questions myself. I got very good at damage control and minimizing my situation at that time. I was definitely foggy and had to go through withdrawal AND dealt with his infidelities.

I had one sided contact in my head. I went here and soaked all the information as much as I can. Whenever I think of OM, I would go here (I was probably MB#1 lurker late last year). I used to copy and paste what all you guys had said to other WW about the POSOM. I would re-read it over and over until I got out of the fog. I CAN NOT afford renewed contact with OM. Jennifer told us that we have been through three tsunamis and our M will NOT survive another one.

Originally Posted by americajin
If openness and honesty is your number one emotional need, then why aren't you honest with your husband about the great deal of resentment you are carrying around with you and the fact that you no longer love him? Do you tell your husband that you love him? Well, that's not the truth, is it?

Yes, my #1 EN is OH from him especially. We do follow the PORH, actually the 7 recipes of sustaining romantic love and have made lifestyle changes because of it.

My H is very intuitive of my actions and would noticed me being distant and would call me out. Then I would tell him that I attributed it to not knowing the full truth and afraid of being vulnerable again and I don't want to be a sucker. That's the truth.

His $1 deposits before d-day were worth .25 earlier this year and probably now worth .75 but it's steady and fills it everyday . The feeling of love is bound to happen smile. It felt like forever and I had my doubts ever getting it back but I love my H VERY MUCH. That's why I would be devastated if he doesn't pass Q1 & Q2. DEVASTATED cry

Originally Posted by americajin
If his infidelities are too much for you to be able to get past, then why don't you be truthful to yourself and your husband and just say so? No one would tell you that you are wrong to feel that way, there's no rule or law that you HAVE TO recover your marriage, you only do so because you WANT to. If you want to divorce because of his infidelity and lies, who would fault you? Infidelity on both of your part really won't matter in a court of law.

I have been stewing on this for most two years. There's days when I want out and I question myself for staying for such a 'damaged' husband...like I'm any better faint . I know that he gave me a 'get out of jail for free' card and I gave him one too. I can't imagine life without my H. His weaknesses are my strengths and vice versa. We are very good together. TOGETHER we really make a WHOLE.

Originally Posted by americajin
You've both been unfaithful, both lied about it, both tried to justify your actions. I don't think this polygraph is important to you to discover the truth, because I think we all know your husband hasn't been 100% truthful, I think the polygraph is important to you because then the blame score is no longer even, and once again you find yourself in the morally superior position, at least in your own mind.

I'll have to disagree with you on this AJ, this polygraph is very important to me. I know he hasn't been 100% truthful but I am willing to overlook that except for the big 2. I don't want any skeletons in the closet and don't want another FR. What do I gain for being in a morally superior position? I am justified to leave this M and even the bible allows it.

I would very much love to marry him again after this polygraph is over.

Originally Posted by americajin
If you have no interest in being with your husband or ever loving him again, why waste the money on the polygraph? Better off spending it on a lawyer. Only YOU can decide what it is that you want, L2010NM, it's like you've been in limbo for two years, time for you to make a decision one way or the other.

I very much have an interest in being with my H and I DO LOVE my H very much. This polygraph is priceless IMO. I will finally get the truth and we can move forward from here. The big 2 could be a deal breaker though.

You've got me pegged about decisiveness, it's not my forte and would have to make a decision come Friday. I'm nervous about this and this could be a life change either for moving forward with recovery or the opposite direction. My H seems very confident about it though. We shall see...


Me: BS/FWW - 38
BH/FWH - 36
Married 13 years, together 17 years
Two boys: 9 & 12
OW#1 DDay: PA Nov 26, 2009 (July 2008-July 2009)
OW#2 DDay: PA Nov 29, 2009 (May 2009-Sept 2009)

Me: EA/PA (RA?) June 2010-Sept 2010
His DDay: Oct 2010
L2010NM #2528272 07/15/11 10:43 AM
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thinking about you today, let us lkonow how it went


Me 44- yes ugggh
WH 47
together 26 years M 19
serial cheater big time
DD1 2.24.11
NC letter sent 3/7/11
NC letter to OW2 april
final truths 5/8-- all of them poly confirmed 5/18
working the plan

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Posts: 76
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Aww...thanks Chickadee1!

H is getting his test as I wait. To whoever is actually reading this, please, PLEASE pray for my H to be honest and pass the test.


Me: BS/FWW - 38
BH/FWH - 36
Married 13 years, together 17 years
Two boys: 9 & 12
OW#1 DDay: PA Nov 26, 2009 (July 2008-July 2009)
OW#2 DDay: PA Nov 29, 2009 (May 2009-Sept 2009)

Me: EA/PA (RA?) June 2010-Sept 2010
His DDay: Oct 2010
L2010NM #2528368 07/15/11 04:05 PM
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I handed him the list and he was surprised that it wasn't long. I asked him if there's any on the list that he would like to change his answer and he said that there's no change, he has been transparent with me.

The polygraph examiner urged us/me that the results be sent to a counselor/therapist and deal with the results in a safe environment. I understand and agree with his view.

I asked Jennifer first but she said that she does not have the credentials or experience to facilitate after the poly. We have a local SA therapist that is willing to facilitate. He will email the results on Monday but H and I are hoping on a plane tomorrow. We won't be back until next Friday. So the earliest I'll be able to find out is next week. Hmph frown

I think I'm more nervous about this that he is. My H deserves an Oscar!


Me: BS/FWW - 38
BH/FWH - 36
Married 13 years, together 17 years
Two boys: 9 & 12
OW#1 DDay: PA Nov 26, 2009 (July 2008-July 2009)
OW#2 DDay: PA Nov 29, 2009 (May 2009-Sept 2009)

Me: EA/PA (RA?) June 2010-Sept 2010
His DDay: Oct 2010
L2010NM #2528386 07/15/11 06:45 PM
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L2, why wouldn't you just get the results right then? Of course you don't need a counselor to look at the results, that is crazy. You paid for the results, I would expect the tester to give you the results over the phone so you don't have to wait. And there is absolutely no reason to go to a "therapist" for that.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I agree! he gave them to us right away. right after the test i was called in. but he did it so i bet you are fine, i know this was a hard day for you both. and i am sorry i came to this.

hope you have a great trip...meet all the needs! both of you! glad you are working with jennifer. we are too


Me 44- yes ugggh
WH 47
together 26 years M 19
serial cheater big time
DD1 2.24.11
NC letter sent 3/7/11
NC letter to OW2 april
final truths 5/8-- all of them poly confirmed 5/18
working the plan

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Hi Melody,

He was reluctant to give us the results because of the outcome of the results and the stress it would cause and for us to drive close to 3 hours back afterwards especially if he failed. He works in law enforcement and did not feel comfortable giving us the results and we get to an accident because of it.

I have emailed him that as his client he should give me the results. I know that he is going out of town but hopefully he will give me an answer to the big two questions.

I thanked my H yesterday for going through it. He said that his imagination of the test was worse than the actual test. He doesn't seem uncomfortable at all. Not sure what to make of it.





Me: BS/FWW - 38
BH/FWH - 36
Married 13 years, together 17 years
Two boys: 9 & 12
OW#1 DDay: PA Nov 26, 2009 (July 2008-July 2009)
OW#2 DDay: PA Nov 29, 2009 (May 2009-Sept 2009)

Me: EA/PA (RA?) June 2010-Sept 2010
His DDay: Oct 2010
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 76
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Right away?!? Wow! He said that he will email the results to the counselor the next day so he can compare the systems assessment and his assessment or something like that. I think this guy is just anal.

It was very stressful for me yesterday and today and will be until I find out the answer. Hopefully he will reply back right away. I really need to know ASAP.

I'm not tagging along with H this time. We are out of town because we are buying a vacation home. I am reluctant to proceed until I find out the big 2 questions.

Yes, meeting each other EN for sure! That's awesome that you are working with Jennifer as well! We are doing pretty good except our daily feedbacks. Jennifer has POJA'd with us on created ways that we would actually do it daily and we only have to do it for two more weeks but we still don't do it regularly. It's very important for us to follow it and get it ingrained in our heads but we are just plain lazy.

We have made reminders, tried to do them right after work, right before going to bed, negotiated that we can't use any electronics until it's done. Still, we fall off the wagon.
Worse, it takes less than 10 minutes! How do you guys do it?

The good news is we have graduated to a monthly session and POJA is awesome! It's amazing how we have come up with a solution that we are happy with and no sacrifices.

I'll let you know as soon as I hear from the examiner.






Me: BS/FWW - 38
BH/FWH - 36
Married 13 years, together 17 years
Two boys: 9 & 12
OW#1 DDay: PA Nov 26, 2009 (July 2008-July 2009)
OW#2 DDay: PA Nov 29, 2009 (May 2009-Sept 2009)

Me: EA/PA (RA?) June 2010-Sept 2010
His DDay: Oct 2010
L2010NM #2528865 07/18/11 01:06 PM
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I got a reply from the polygraph examiner:

My opinion on the examination is that there was No Deception Indicated, and it was a clear result.� That was confirmed by two separate computer algorithms.� Both indicated the charts had a less than 0.1% chance of being produced by a deceptive subject.

In other words, regarding the issues addressed, he provided me the same information you provided me, and, in my opinion, he "passed" the polygraph examination
.

Thank you Lord!! My life wasn't a lie!! I should have done this 2 years ago. But I'm glad it's done and can fully move on to recovery without these looming questions.

Thank you for the faceless people that prayed for us during this test. God bless you and MB!!!



Me: BS/FWW - 38
BH/FWH - 36
Married 13 years, together 17 years
Two boys: 9 & 12
OW#1 DDay: PA Nov 26, 2009 (July 2008-July 2009)
OW#2 DDay: PA Nov 29, 2009 (May 2009-Sept 2009)

Me: EA/PA (RA?) June 2010-Sept 2010
His DDay: Oct 2010
L2010NM #2528877 07/18/11 02:37 PM
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Originally Posted by L2010NM
I got a reply from the polygraph examiner:

My opinion on the examination is that there was No Deception Indicated, and it was a clear result.� That was confirmed by two separate computer algorithms.� Both indicated the charts had a less than 0.1% chance of being produced by a deceptive subject.

In other words, regarding the issues addressed, he provided me the same information you provided me, and, in my opinion, he "passed" the polygraph examination
.

Thank you Lord!! My life wasn't a lie!! I should have done this 2 years ago. But I'm glad it's done and can fully move on to recovery without these looming questions.

Thank you for the faceless people that prayed for us during this test. God bless you and MB!!!

Best news I've read in a long time!

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yeah!!! i am so happy for you! now you can move forward!!

we do our needs weekly and its preety easy sunday AM is a good time over coffee and before the day begins.

very happy to hear the new




Me 44- yes ugggh
WH 47
together 26 years M 19
serial cheater big time
DD1 2.24.11
NC letter sent 3/7/11
NC letter to OW2 april
final truths 5/8-- all of them poly confirmed 5/18
working the plan

Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 76
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Thanks SmilingWoman & Chickadee1 smile

It's truly a milestone!

We haven't tried the morning feedback because we're both not a morning people but we might have to give that a try.


Me: BS/FWW - 38
BH/FWH - 36
Married 13 years, together 17 years
Two boys: 9 & 12
OW#1 DDay: PA Nov 26, 2009 (July 2008-July 2009)
OW#2 DDay: PA Nov 29, 2009 (May 2009-Sept 2009)

Me: EA/PA (RA?) June 2010-Sept 2010
His DDay: Oct 2010

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