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I have spent (invested?) a portion of this week trying to select an iconic view of the necessary spirit and strength for the BH's on this site who fight on, when "common sense" would suggest giving up the fight. I came up with these two, and they are dedicated to AM, TB, LnT, LM, TD, PTH, and the others who carry on the fight, BEING the examples that their children and OURS, should it ever come to that, will have when life deals them a shi++y hand.
Men of Harlech, on to glory, This will ever be your story. Keep these very words before ye: "Welshmen never yield!"
"...this story, shall a good man teach his sons......"
I don't have a whole lot right now. Been reading a bit online, mostly stuff about confidence etc. I really have to say I do not know who the heck that guy Reynolds was in September or October last year.
Weepy clingy needy sack of wet napkins. I get what he was going through but geez it kind of makes me sick!
I am in so much better of a place now. If we make it great, if we don't then I still have the world by the short and curlys.
I have been coming here less and less. When I do its to try to help newbies. Pay back some of my debt that I feel I still owe - especially to Wondering, Melody, Marital, too many to name. This place is a godsend. For all my sarcasim and screwing around if it wasn't for this forum I would literally be divorced right now, and not only that but a broken man spiritually as well.
Instead I am straining against my leash to get to the future. Just hope I can help a few others make the same leap, I owe that much to everyone who helped me!
Pc probs so usin iPhone just to check in That's awesome news reynolds and I know that difference when things get back in place
Yes these people here are gossamer aren, t they Like angels they are, and this being the mans thread, I have to agree with you and honor them.
I have a friend of mine, a very devout Christian man. What is remarkable is that he doesn't believe what I do here has any value What's remarkable is that this comes from one of the most tender guys you could ever meet Now this guy was married to a serial cheater for years, one that was manipulative and slept with pastors in the so-called ministry but he played the suffering servant until the kids could see through the crap, and she finnaly left. As usual, she is alone, her kids and most people don't want much to do with her, although they treat her kindly. I was reading last week in the good book that you should treat your feeble and sick mother with kindness. I expect that also goes for the self inflicted mothers also, you know the ones that bring it on themselves
It's another wacky wayward self entitlement lying an cheating story
But my friend, although he says it would have been nice to at least know love once in his life, and this guy is worthy I'm telling you. His grown 4 kids live with him and he loves them all dearly, does not feel like he will ever try again
Now hey that's fine, but he would have been a great H for the right woman and maybe he would at least experienced love, received some.
It's drove him into a tough place, where he will not even entertain it.
But I suppose that's the bitterness that comes from some relationships that were not handled with any accoutability, that even when you see your mistakes, you give up
Tryin to figure it out, and certainly understand being alone now that the kids are grown. But being a recluse of sorts,(loves people and to talk), and just working and eating with no diet, interest in taking care of himself,(he's heavy), it seems like it would be great for him to get interested in other things
Helping others well, it's only right is it not? To call it a waste of time, well there must be a great amount of something built up inside him, and a deep feeling of hopelessness JL made a statement once about those guys who were severly damaged by a woman. This guy is poster boy.
Nice work gentleman. Been slacking on the AoM articles... been busy with work, school, the wife. Nice week, though. Did some training in mental health; long term and acute.
Interesting stuff.
Building Your Resiliency Part IV: Iceberg Ahead!
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Have you ever reacted to something with an intensity of emotion that didn�t seem to match the circumstances of the event? The logical part of your mind is telling you that�s it�s not that big of deal, but you still feel really angry/hurt/depressed/anxious, and you can�t seem to turn off the emotion.
These kind of �overreactions� can leave us feeling pretty frustrated. They hurt our relationships and keep us from making progress in our lives. Not only do they lead us to dwell on things longer than we should, but we end up making poor decisions in this emotional state. These kinds of incongruous reactions keep us from responding resiliently to our problems.
So what causes these mismatched reactions? A collision with an iceberg, an iceberg belief to be precise. Water is pouring in your hull, but atop the deck you don�t really understand what has happened. All you know is that you�re sinking-fast.
Obviously, as victims of infidelity (or sometimes, as perpetrators) we have some iceberg beliefs that have failed us. Right out of the box; "I believe that I would never commit adultery" or "I believe my spouse would never commit adultery."
The reaction to this leads to that breakdown after D-day.
When a belief that was so fundamental to our life, love, and happiness is shattered, it causes a lot of cognitive dissonance.
What Is an Iceberg Belief?
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According to the authors of The Resilience Factor, this experience of a mismatched stimulus/reaction is �a sign you are being affected by an underlying belief-a deeply held belief about how the world ought to operate and how you feel you ought to operate within that world. �These deeper motivations and values often drive us and determine how we respond to adversity�these underlying beliefs-or icebergs, as we call them- are usually outside our awareness, deep beneath the surface of our consciousness.�
So iceberg beliefs are fixed and frozen ideas about the world that we hold deep within us. Drs. Reivich and Shatte offer these examples of iceberg beliefs:
�I should succeed at everything I put my mind to.� �People must respect me at all times.� �Women should be kind and supportive.� �A man doesn�t let his emotions show.� �Failure is a sign of weakness.� �I must never give up.� �Only weak people can�t solve their own problems.�
Here are some others I thought of:
�I never want to end up like my father.� �The most important thing is to be well-liked.� �Men are always competent in whatever they do.� �A man never quits what he starts.�
And, of course, I provided 2 contextual to why were are here.
Icebergs in Your Relationships
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Icebergs can shipwreck our relationships. This is particularly true because we often have iceberg beliefs about gender roles, even ones we�re not conscious of. Have you have been beaten by a woman you were competing with in a game? Maybe you felt extra crappy about it, crappier than you�d feel if you had been beaten by a dude. You know it�s stupid to feel that way, but that emotional reaction is caused by an iceberg belief about how these encounters should go down.
We all have iceberg beliefs about how a man and how a woman should act, and when these beliefs are violated, we can have a very strong visceral reaction, and we can�t quite understand the intensity of our emotions.
Let�s say you just worked on a handyman project around the house. Or maybe you�re in charge of the finances in your relationship. And you do something wrong, even a little thing. Your wife sees the mistake, tries to pretend like it�s fine, but disappointment is written all over her face. You might feel really angry or defensive or really sulky and humiliated. It shouldn�t have been a big deal, but your iceberg belief was that men always know what they�re doing, and so you feel way crappier than you should. And you probably take it out on your wife, becoming uber defensive and angry.
Note-this kind of thing can work both ways. The woman in your life may become really upset when you don�t live up to one of her icebergs beliefs. A lot of women have icebergs beliefs about men being strong and competent with everything. When you fail at something or otherwise come off as weak to them, it can create quite a visceral reaction in them. For example, my wife thinks that the man should take care of haggling deals and be awesome at it. Unfortunately, I�m not. And when I fail to get us a bargain, she gets really angry with me.
Another thing that we can have Iceberg Beliefs about? Emotional Needs, and Love Busters. I recently turned my thinking around about H&O;
Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
Oh, epiphanies.
I believe one of the greatest designs in MB is that it gives spouses a common language with which to communicate with each other.
However, the language in and of itself isn't the full beauty of this.
The language is the first step. The next step, is bringing that common language to common context.
So, given that, and given the Basic concepts, let's talk about the coin of honesty.
On one side of the coin, you have Openness and Honesty;
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Those with a need for honesty and openness want accurate information about their spouses' thoughts, feelings, habits, likes, dislikes, personal history, daily activities and plans for the future. If their spouse does not provide honest and open communication, trust is undermined and the feelings of security can eventually be destroyed. They cannot trust the signals that are being sent and feel they have no foundation on which to build a solid relationship. Instead of adjusting, they feel off balance; instead of growing together, they feel as if they are growing apart.
Ok, good enough.
Then, we have a Love Buster, dishonesty;
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Dishonesty is the strangest of the five Love Busters. Obviously, no one likes dishonesty, but sometimes honesty seems even more damaging. What if the truth is more painful than a lie?
When a wife first learns that her husband has been unfaithful, the pain is often so great that she wishes she had been left ignorant. When a husband discovers his wife's affair, it's like a knife in his heart -- and he wonders if it would have been better not knowing. In fact, many marriage counselors advise clients to avoid telling spouses about past infidelity, saying that it's too painful for people to handle. Besides, if it's over and done with, why dredge up the sewage of the past?
It's this sort of confusion that leads some of the most well-intentioned husbands and wives to lie to each other, or at least give each other false impressions. They feel that dishonesty will help them protect each other's feelings.
Alright. Simple
We all arrived here with some simple understanding and value in Honesty and Openness, and some simple understanding and dislike for Dishonesty.
What we have lacked, is a proactive context in to which to place both of these things. In fact, look around and read the reactions we have to these concepts.
The reaction to Dishonesty is often a furious one. It's a one-two punch; it fails to fulfill the emotional need of H&O, and is in and of itself a love buster.
The reaction is usually a FLURRY of Love Busters by the offended spouse - Angry Outbursts, Selfish Demands, and Disrespectful Judgements.
Ok. We following?
Now, let's stop and reflect in the MB context as to what is going on in this situation.
Dishonesty, Angry Outbursts, Selfish Demands, and Disrespectful Judgements are particularly related Love Busters for one peculiar reason; each and every one of them is most often deployed either as a way to try to have our needs met, or to protect our feelings or (per our own thinking) our spouse's feelings.
They usually fail.
Now, let's go back to H&O.
Given our normal evaluation of honesty, we do NOT view it as an emotional need.
Read that again.
Stop, and think about it.
The very first thing we do to ANYONE who fails to be Honest and Open is to immediately unleash a torrent of Disrespectful Judgements against them - we question their morality, their integrity... we launch an attack at the very fiber of their being.
Even if we don't do this externally to our spouse, we do it in our head and heart when they fail at H&O.
What often results here is a focus on the LB aspect of the exchange; well, just STOP being dishonest then!
This is foolhardy. When one person is here angry that their spouse, who is not here, has been dishonest or isn't meeting the need of Honest and Open... the usual response is to focus on the LB behavior of the absent spouse.
No.
The solution is for the offended spouse not to focus on the Love Buster, but to focus on what they can do to have their need met. How do we have our needs met? By making it pleasant and safe for our spouse to meet that need.
The solution, is for you to begin to contextualize H&O as your emotional need, not a given (SD), not a lack of values on the part of your spouse (DJ), and not a reason to treat them like crap (AO).
Keep your side of the street clean, folks.
This would be similar to realizing that SF is an emotional need, and that; 1) meeting that need is important to the marriage, 2) to have it met, it must be safe and enjoyable for your spouse to do so.
The Problems Icebergs Can Cause
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�Iceberg beliefs cause you to overexperience certain emotions and underexperience others. Emotionally resilient people feel it all�but they feel those emotions at the appropriate time and to the appropriate degree. Less resilient people tend to get stuck in one emotion, and that comprises their ability to respond productively to adversity.� -The Resilience Factor
There are 4 problems that the Drs. Reivich and Shatte believe can be caused by iceberg beliefs:
1. Iceberg beliefs can become activated at unexpected times, which leads to out-of-proportion emotions and reactions. 2. Their activation might lead to emotions and behaviors that, although not extreme, are mismatched to the situation. 3. Iceberg beliefs can become too rigid, which causes you to fall into the same emotional patterns over and over. 4. Contradictory iceberg beliefs can make it hard to make a decision.
The first 3 points are pretty self-explanatory, but let�s take look at number 4. We can experience contradictory iceberg beliefs that confuse us and make decision-making difficult. You might have two iceberg beliefs: �A man should always follow his passion in life.� and �A man takes care of his family.� You�re called into your boss� office and offered a promotion. You know you�ll hate the job but it will be a lot more money to support your family. The colliding of these icebergs can make you feel paralyzed and anxious.
It�s important to note that icebergs are not by necessity bad or good-they can be either, or both. �Integrity is the most important thing in life� is obviously a positive iceberg.� �I will never quit at anything,� has some definite positives for your life, but can be taken too far if you�re not careful. �People cannot be trusted� is a mostly negative belief. So you have to do a cost/benefit analysis of which icebergs you want to keep and make work for you and which you want to work on melting away.
Read and reflect on the highlighted points.
Why It�s Hard to Melt Your Icebergs
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You may say, well, this is good to know, I�ll just snap out of my negative icebergs and melt them away. But it�s not so easy, as we are all susceptible to a confirmation bias or what RF calls the Velcro/Teflon Effect(or backfire effect - HHH). As you go about your life, you tend to filter out and ignore whatever doesn�t support your iceberg beliefs while honing in on everything that does.
So Gary believes, �All women are untrustworthy and manipulative.� At the start of his relationship with Sarah, she tells him that she isn�t looking to date anyone seriously. After a few weeks Gary tells Sarah that he wants to become more serious, and she tells him that they shouldn�t see each other anymore because that�s not what�s she�s looking for. Gary will seize on this snub, while ignoring what Sarah told him at the beginning of their relationship, and will declare that women are all a bunch of liars and Sarah just wanted him to take her out and pay for her meals. He may even seek out women who are untrustworthy and manipulative, to unconsciously confirm his bias. The mind can be a tricky thing.
Many men don�t realize that serious muscle and strength can be built with just bodyweight exercises. Not only that, bodyweight only workouts can be high intensity and done in quick training sessions throughout the week.
Many men don�t have time to spend hours in the gym because they have families, they work long hours or they are just too busy going out on dates. Yet they still want to stay in fighting shape. For them, a short, intense bodyweight workout is just what the doctor ordered. So what are the ground rules when you are setting up your bodyweight training routines?
You should definitely include as many full body movements as you can to jack up the intensity and decrease the time of the workout You can increase the intensity of the bodyweight movements by doing more reps, decreasing the rest time between exercises or by changing the angle of the movement If you can�t do movements with your full bodyweight, you can change the angle or use elastic bands to deload the movement
Why is bodyweight training so effective?
The most basic form of all training is bodyweight training. Being able to move your own body in all 3 anatomical planes of motion; sagittal, frontal and transverse, or in real world situations, is the key to more fluid movements and injury prevention. In fact, many trainers won�t allow their lifters to pick up any weights until they �master� bodyweight training. This might be a little extreme, but the state of fitness in the US is very sad when many people, even kids, can�t efficiently move their own bodyweight. At a fundamental level, bodyweight training improves:
So you can see, as you improve your ability to control your body, it will become your strength foundation moving forward when you begin to engage progressively resisted strength training exercises.
There are some rules that should be followed for any training session or workout program. Every session must be started with some dynamic movements to charge or excite the central nervous system, increase your core temperature and prepare you for the upcoming demands of the routine.
Reminds me of martial arts training HHH and of my own regemin years ago I would start with all the stretchs and that was the most important part, getting the blood flowing everywhere and moving ThanksHHH
Though, it comes to mind recent studies that show that static stretching before strenuous exercise actually increases the chance for injury, because the stretch causes the muscle to recoil and tighten.
Stretching should be done at the close of a routine, light stretching and movements which lubricate the joints should precede.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
�Success� is all too often assumed to be the indicator of the value of a man. But success, in and of itself, merely speaks to a particular status and may have nothing to do with the journey that the man took to get there, or whether or not he retained his integrity along the way. Among the many aspects of the story, it is the idea of redefining success and victory that makes The Old Man and the Sea, Ernest Hemingway�s classic novella, so profound.
It is a seemingly simple story: Santiago is an old, experienced fisherman who hasn�t brought in a catch for months. On the 85th day of this dry spell, he heads far out into the Gulf of Mexico where he hooks a giant marlin. Unable to pull the fish into his skiff, he holds onto the line for three days before killing it with a harpoon. After lashing the fish to his boat, Santiago heads home with his hard-won prize. But along the way, sharks reduce the fish to bones, and the old man returns to port as he left�empty-handed.
Yes, a simple story on the surface, but also a tale with a much deeper message and a relevance that transcends time and place. It speaks to the universal truths of a man�s existence within this world, where pride, respect, tenacity, and dreams fuel a man in his quest to thrive in the face of struggle. It is a story about the indomitable spirit of man; Santiago stands as a symbol of an attitude toward life, and his fight with the mighty marlin offers numerous lessons to all men.
For many of us, our marriages were our "Mighty Marlins." And we, too suffered loss to the circling of sharks; life, work, children... infidelity. And here we sit, returned to the docks with the ravaged skeleton of our great prize.
�A man is not made for defeat.�
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Santiago has nothing but a broken-down shed and a rickety skiff with a sail that is �patched with flour sacks� and looks �like the flag of permanent defeat.� The skin of his gaunt body illustrates his hardships and is marked with deeply-set wrinkles, scars, and blotches from the punishing sun. And because of his terrible misfortune, he is a pariah in his small fishing village.
But while nearly �everything about Santiago is old,� his eyes remain �the same color as the sea and are cheerful and undefeated.� Instead of throwing in the towel after 84 days of terrible luck, he sails farther out into the Gulf than he has gone before.
A man continues to do whatever he must do to the best of his ability, no matter what tribulations befall him. While challenges and setbacks can strip a man of all outward signs of success, still his spirit can remain undefeated. For it can will a man to never give up and to keep on trying.
Or as Hemingway puts it: �A man can be destroyed but not defeated.�
In particular, I read this and think of my MB brother, CP. I can think of very few men who have faced the tribulations he has shared with us, and have also come out stronger, kinder, and wiser.
Success, when you have been destroyed, is to never submit to defeat.
A man does not depend on luck.
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Luck plays a major role in the story and in our everyday lives, and to a superstitious lot like fishermen, poor luck can seem paralyzing. In Santiago�s little Cuban fishing village he is labeled �salao, which is the worst form of unlucky,� after having gone eighty-four days without taking a single fish.
This makes him a outsider among his peers, and it costs him his trusty partner, the boy Manolin, whose parents forbid him from fishing with the old man. While Santiago deals with the suffering of being hungry and poor, other boats from his village continue pulling in good fish every day.
Anyone can have luck of course, but not everyone one can have determination, skill, and perseverance. Santiago knows this and therefore believes in his ability rather than chance. �To hell with luck,� he thinks. �I�ll bring the luck with me.�
He does this by not taking any shortcuts in his work. He keeps his fishing lines straighter than anyone, and he makes sure that, �at each level�there [will] be a bait waiting exactly where he wishes it to be for any fish that swim there.� Santiago keeps his lines with precision, and he is ready for whatever comes.
We cannot attain success simply by waiting for good things to happen. It is when we strive forward towards a goal that we open ourselves up to opportunity. As Santiago muses, �It is better to be lucky. But I would rather be exact. Then when the luck comes you are ready.�
Nothing to add, just read and reflect; "It is when we strive forward towards a goal that we open ourselves up to opportunity."
A man bears pain and hardship without complaint.
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�He was shivering with the morning cold. But he knew he would shiver himself warm and that soon he would be rowing.�
Whether it�s something as trivial as being cold or as significant as skirting along the borders of death, a man simply does what must be done, without self-pity and without complaint. Santiago does not whine about hunger pains or thirst, nor does he mope about the fishing line that cuts into his hands.
Out at sea, far beyond the other boats, Santiago is presented with the greatest challenge of his life. It comes in the form of an eighteen-foot marlin and makes for a long, long battle that spans days. Near the edge of his exhaustion, Santiago�s hand is cut deeply and cramps up �as tight as the gripped claws of an eagle.� He washes the cut in the salt water and lets it dry and warm in the sun. But the hand refuses him and he is forced to work with his right hand alone, against the powerful fish that is two feet longer than his own skiff. Drained, Santiago �settles against the wood� and simply �takes his suffering as it comes. He is comfortable but suffering, although he does not admit the suffering at all.�
I'm going to disagree here. There are portions of hardship, portions of pain which we may bear. However, these things must not be done for the benefit of others, as it destroys our love for them without their consent.
I agree on the light stretching before a workout and more complete ones after. Now that I think of it I used to do just that because I wanted the blood flow everywhere
Thank you for your complement HHH, but I know of a man who outranks me in that Dept as someone who was used for years by his wife and hung in there, and operated in love and integrity to his children and still does
But for me thier are a lot of questions and concerns when I go to God and just say,"help me get better lord" It might be helpful is I had a list of what would make me happy but there are not lists of accomplishments now, I am not sure why, or if thier should be. I have a list of requirements I must do before I am ready to go home, but instead of feeling like I did the best I could when I was alive, and having peace with that, I feel like I have not, and because I feel like I contributed to my wides death, I still am not free of that Everybody might say, "CP she hid drugs from you and made herself an addict, you did all you could, " But I could have told her go, instead I allowed her to stay, I allowed myself to need her . I knew better, but thought it would destroy the children also, and that she would see on her own, if she would just seek God
Oh yeah they are just feelings and they are ours to control, and my feelings will change if I work hard enough and it's our thoughts in our subconcios mind for many of us men that brings about depression issues, but I still am having problems with having a vision for the future that motivates me, so I have to look up and ask God to take away the heaviness, because it's just hard to care sometimes right now. Hard to believe in a dream future, hard to believe I will ever be able to earn one But I hear the Kingdom of heaven is within, and to seek that first and all other things will be ADDED unto it I know how that works, but I don't care to work it, I have lost much faith, and am not going to do anything to get it back and I do not want anyone to give it back except God. So I ask him
I could try antids from the new shrink I'm gonna see, but those are drugs also and they had little effect before so not expecting much
I will keep trying but if that doesn't work well, so what, I was allways proud of my tolerance to drugs before and attributed it and abstinence to actually doing something worthwhile in my life and staying on point
Looking outside tonight and just wanting to return to the place where I can appreciate nature again. It was raining and reminded me or simpler days and goals That's what I am praying for simply nothing
I agree with you HHH about how we should share our pain in marrige, but sometimes we suffer for those like young children, or we die in war and battle, where we don't want them to go even in thier mind, because it would hurt them When it comes down to Adult relationships , kids just get confused and worn down
But yeah we didn't think we were marrying a child, so I'm with you on that
I can't knock you for your modesty, CP. I, too, have a large problem with accepting compliment.
For instance, I was telling one of my university profs that my oldest sister (whom she had previously worked with) was applying to begin at the university. I said; "She is a better student than I am... both of my sisters are." My professor (who knows both of my sisters professionally) stated; "Yes, but they both tell me that you are a genius."
For one, I certainly don't feel like it. I have nothing that explicitly states this. I have no accomplishments gained from it. I have created, invented, or theorized nothing original in my lifetime. Genius? Meh. I believe Yamamoto Tsunetomo would merely refer to me as clever.
Ah, but we press on.
And that, brother, is what makes me think of you. You press on.
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A man continues to do whatever he must do to the best of his ability, no matter what tribulations befall him. While challenges and setbacks can strip a man of all outward signs of success, still his spirit can remain undefeated. For it can will a man to never give up and to keep on trying.
Now you get me on shaky ground. While I am not a man of Christian faith, I do believe that some kind of faith is important. And when I see one like yourself who is worn and weary, and whose faith is shaken, it does sadden me.
CP, God cannot give your faith "back." It is not "lost," sir. Like Christ on the cross, you have suffered and are crying out "Father, why has thou forsaken me?"
And yet, you have not totally forsaken Him.
You are right, though. I cannot help you recover your faith. Nor do I believe any minister, preacher, or prophet. This is because it is not outside of you that it has gone. It has simply been buried by your pain, grief, and regret. And it is still there.
It shines through in your posts, in your words... and I would venture to guess that it shines through in your actions.
Take heart, brother. Your heart, your kindness, your faith is your accomplishment, your legacy.
If you have never built a bridge, you have at least touched the lives of people here, and elsewhere you have shared your kindness.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
(((CP))) I hear you and I'm going to ask my husband to pray for you. It's not that I can't pray, I can and will, but my husband has a gift of praying to the heart of things. One thought that came to mind when I was reading your post is that what do you pray when there's nothing left to say. At times like that, for me, I can only pray, "please help me in my unbelief." God wants to hear your heart. He already knows it but He also knows how we work. Sometimes it's good just to get it all out there in prayer. You can be 100% honest with Him when you pray. He can take it, remember He's a father, with a Father's heart.
You've been through so much, let others prop you up.
Praying for you.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage ********************* “In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Oops. I just realized that I posted on the Men's thread. Sorry guys!
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage ********************* “In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Though, it comes to mind recent studies that show that static stretching before strenuous exercise actually increases the chance for injury, because the stretch causes the muscle to recoil and tighten.
Stretching should be done at the close of a routine, light stretching and movements which lubricate the joints should precede.
Start with warming up the body. Marching/Running in place/Jumping Jacks. Get the heart rate up. ANd then do ballistic stretching.
I started all sports and exercise with static stretching for years. Was always sore.
Since I started P90X, I have not been sore at all. The program does lots of ballistic stretching. Most static stretching comes at the end during the cooldown
Me: 43 ExWW: 44 Married 16yrs. 4 children
EA (ExWW): May-Nov 2009 + Aug-Dec 2010 D-DAY JAN 30, 2011 Exposure: FEB 7, 2011 Contact Again: Apr 25, 2011 Divorce Final Sept 2012
"I want to be married and stay married. Now I uunderstand the kind of marriage I want and we all deserve. But I also know it takes two to want to Build that Marriage."
I have spent (invested?) a portion of this week trying to select an iconic view of the necessary spirit and strength for the BH's on this site who fight on, when "common sense" would suggest giving up the fight. I came up with these two, and they are dedicated to AM, TB, LnT, LM, TD, PTH, and the others who carry on the fight, BEING the examples that their children and OURS, should it ever come to that, will have when life deals them a shi++y hand.
Men of Harlech, on to glory, This will ever be your story. Keep these very words before ye: "Welshmen never yield!"
ZULU is simply a fantastic movie. As is the true story of Rorke's Drift. I found this movie riveting. All hope was lost. They stood and fought what was surely an impossible battle.
Me: 43 ExWW: 44 Married 16yrs. 4 children
EA (ExWW): May-Nov 2009 + Aug-Dec 2010 D-DAY JAN 30, 2011 Exposure: FEB 7, 2011 Contact Again: Apr 25, 2011 Divorce Final Sept 2012
"I want to be married and stay married. Now I uunderstand the kind of marriage I want and we all deserve. But I also know it takes two to want to Build that Marriage."
I don't have a whole lot right now. Been reading a bit online, mostly stuff about confidence etc. I really have to say I do not know who the heck that guy Reynolds was in September or October last year.
Weepy clingy needy sack of wet napkins. I get what he was going through but geez it kind of makes me sick!
I am in so much better of a place now. If we make it great, if we don't then I still have the world by the short and curlys.
I have been coming here less and less. When I do its to try to help newbies. Pay back some of my debt that I feel I still owe - especially to Wondering, Melody, Marital, too many to name. This place is a godsend. For all my sarcasim and screwing around if it wasn't for this forum I would literally be divorced right now, and not only that but a broken man spiritually as well.
Instead I am straining against my leash to get to the future. Just hope I can help a few others make the same leap, I owe that much to everyone who helped me!
Ditto... Ditto... Ditto
I have been coming less and less too. But still look forward to hearing from many of my friends. The newbies are in need really bad. Weepy sack of wet napkins is right. So was I. Its still not easy but I feel like you Reynolds.
I would like to start giving back more. Repay what so many of you have done for me.
On the other hand, its good to keep this group going, because vets need help too in month 6. Year 1. Year 2 and on and on.
Me: 43 ExWW: 44 Married 16yrs. 4 children
EA (ExWW): May-Nov 2009 + Aug-Dec 2010 D-DAY JAN 30, 2011 Exposure: FEB 7, 2011 Contact Again: Apr 25, 2011 Divorce Final Sept 2012
"I want to be married and stay married. Now I uunderstand the kind of marriage I want and we all deserve. But I also know it takes two to want to Build that Marriage."
Yeah Meg women welcome just be prepared for anything
Btw thank you all very much for your votes of confidence
It means a lot to me
Internet is down at home and only have iPhone so things have been quiet for now
God bless you all ttyl
Me 56 Former BS Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years. 4 children DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4 Me former BS DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr DSs 26 and 23 Teilhard de Chardin..“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ...Sounds about right to me.
I know Stretch I know. I am really glad you changed your signature:)
I always said I didn't want to be buried without any scars. I look at the man I was a year, eighteen months ago and I think he was sssoooo focused on the wrong things, the recession, the job, retirement fund, mortgage, how often the damn car got serviced. Now I am focused on me, on my family, on what my vision of what I want to be.
At least I got that out of a terrible situation. I hope you do too. And yeah we should pay that back. I still respect the elders here, but I am starting to be more aggressive with my opinions with the newbies because I am seeing repeats. And no I don't think that makes me a vet, not by a long shot.
