Well nothing has changed in my life, Divorce date has been set to July 21. I had a good day yesterday and today i feel freaking miserable. What a life. Kids are on vacation with grandparents and my wife is with her boyfriend and i go out and have the best time i can by myself or with friends. But today is just a bad day for me. Just here to vent.

Just wanted to thank you all for your help and support. The divorce came and went last week and now im a single dad with 4 kids:( Things are getting better for me with time and life isnt so hard to deal with anymore. My WW seems to be on the downhill if you ask me, OM and Money problems. So I sit back and kinda smile with a sad heart as she is now the one who is in misery.

Lost - I'm truly sorry for how things turned out for you. Yours will not be an easy path, but it could be very rewarding! Good that you're dealing as well as could be expected given the circumstances. Weird isn't it? That happiness she's chasing is probably just out of reach - and it probably always will be.

Stay strong, live well and be the best possible dad for your kids.

Sound advice Andy
Hang tough lost

She claims that she is choosing to put her kids first now. That leads me to believe that her and the om are thru. Been this way for the last few weeks. Funny thing is the kids really dont want to be with her anymore at all. She has had a change of attitude with me, not wanting together, just nicer. Just goes to show what kind of affect being with the other man has had on her. Ive been enjoying the kids and we have been out doing fun things while she has no money to do anything. She asked me if i would give her money so she could go do fun things with the kids. Sorry, but this is the life she chose and i cannot/will not fund that. Now that the div is over i dont feel like i have to worry anymore about what could happen. I believe she is in a low place, but that darn pride is a stubborn thing and she is still full of it.

You'll be fine, LM. Whatever issues and problems assail you, you will be bouyed by the knowledge that the situation was NOT of your making.

WW will NEVER have that cushion.

I am sending Prayers. Being a single parent is very difficult and I am right there with you with four eight and under. I am trying to be very strong for my four and I ask GOD daily to please be their father. GOD will get all of us through this.

Thanks NeverGuessed. I made her go to court by herself to finish the div. I figured that way i was completely out of the process from start to finish. She alone has all responsibility for where she is at in life and what she has done to the family.

Its been a fast year believe it or not. I have gone through every emotion imaginable this year and im finally to a better place. I didn't think this would ever come, but it finally has. I still have my sad times and it still feels like a dream, just no longer a nightmare. I am completely dreading the dating aspect of the situation, and im in no hurry. But, if some little cute thing comes along....:).....Kids still come first haha.

Lost - Thanks for that post. The kids in the WS's mind are 'just' collateral damage; after all they 'deserve' to be happy. You're doing the right thing as far as funds go, it's her choices that drove YOUR decisions. It's informative to know that your WW is 'in a low place.' Maybe the reality of it all is starting to set in - too late for her.

I fear I will wind up in the same place. The D will be final AND THEN she'll try the same stuff. I need money to do 'X' with DS. What kills me is that I'll have to pay her some money, simply due to income discrepancy. What a crock! The pride and stubborness will be tough to overcome - it really means rockbottom will need to be hit BEFORE any meaningful reflection will take place. So sad and so unnecessary.

I hope you'll stick around for a while, because (selfishly) I want to see how your xWW behaves from here on out. It might be a glimpse into my future.

I will try to Andy. I know she is in a low place and even though i spent an hour on the phone with her today she will not admit to it. She is still very bitter, but listened to things i had to say regarding her family, our kids and her life. I still have all of her family with me as far as support. She still wants to play the blame game however. Maybe a little more time, although she has a lot of anger torwards her family, which she needs to get over. She still wont talk to them. She still claims the OM is still in her life, which i find hard to believe. No single good looking man is going to continue to chase the mother of 4 kids that has nothing to offer except attitude and baggage. I spent more time talking to her today then the last 3 months combined. It doesnt really look promising for her to change her life anytime soon, but she didnt fight with me. And all i gave her was bitter truth about her new life and what she was doing to her kids. And i was nice to her. Sigh!

When did she file for divorce? I guess I was hoping mine would take a long time and its a little scary to see yours is already done. I have 4 kids under 7 too, but my husband is the one that left.

Why did you never bother with Plan B?

Lost - unfortunately, this sounds all to familiar. My WW still has a lot of anger and blames me for everything, so she's got a ways to run. I know the OM is still in the picture in my case - so that's got to run its course too. Then there's the whole financial aspect for her and the emotional part. I still hold out some hope, but that hope is fading.

At least she didn't fight you on it. Being nice to her, shows YOUR character not hers.

Thanks Andy, thats what i was thinking as well.

Mehr as far as plan B, my ww didnt allow me to plan anything. One week after the A was exposed she moved out (to work things out) and one week after that she was living with OM. Ever since was she wanted a Divorce. There was no reasoning with her, talking with her or anything. She was done and thats how its been for the last 5 months. She filed on her own in April, she paid the lawyer, she Got her own stuff out of the house after i approved her list and she went to court all by herself. I tried to implement parts of plan B, but it really didnt matter. Its Been her way or no way basically. I got the better end of the deal as far as custody and material possessions, and thats it. Having 4 kids makes a nc senario hard as ****. She is just someone else and OM fuels her BS. Im moving on, but my talk with her today reminded her she needs to get her head straight and try to do the right thing, but that was in one ear and out the other.

Well I can agree to that, ther eis no reasoning with a wayward. My husband is 'someone else' too, or at least he was, and I assume it continues, but I have no contact.... with 4 kids.

i think that a man would be less likely to want 4 kids if he was the one having an affair. I on the other hand had a WW who pretended her kids were still important. Not saying that was your case, but id say it would be more typical.

Well its been a month since my last post and per Andys request i will give a little update. My XWW has made my and everyone elses life completely miserable. She seems to think she is the best mom ever now and insists on having the kids more and more. She is completely hateful and disrespectful to me an her family. Even started attacking them via text. She has begun manipulating whoever she can to look better for OM. She told me sunday that they will probably get married. (he would be the biggest fool in the world if he did). And she looks awful. There has been so much crap happen the last month i dont even know where to begin. She makes life so difficult trying while trying to do the right things. I no longer bow down to what she wants and its like grabbing a wild bull by the horns and telling him to sit down and think about what your doing. Ultimately the kids are suffering and they dont want to be with her, but she is trying to butter them up. It is working with the oldest and the youngest, but not the middle 2.

That sucks.
Stay out of her drama.
Love the kids.
Find things to distract everyone as best as you can
and let her mess unfold as it may without any fuel from you.

Just step back, stay stepped back and live life.

I try like Hell to stay out of her drama. she wont quit with me. I have tried and tried and tried. I want a IM and it wont happen with her. she is good at making my life miserable.

She gets no choice on an IM.
If she tries to talk/email/phone/text you.......you refer her back to an IM.

I know you are divorced but it happened so swiftly......you need time to heal and to catch your balance.

There must be some way to strengthen your boundaries even though you can't see the ways at the moment.

Believe me i wish i could. things had been doing decent until school started. now all of a sudden she has to be in the middle of our lives. There is no talking to her. Yes she has had a one track mind and No remorse, regret, guilt, apology, nothing. I know her life with OM cannot be that great. But she is at the point i think to make sure she proves the world wrong.