I have to stay off of some threads because I just want to scream, 'WHY would you still want him/her?' Especially the seriel cheaters or the mean spirited ones...

Am I the only one? Is the damge so bad sometimes that it isn't worth saving?

Dh treats me like a queen. I can't imagine ever again settling for the marriage I had with X.

No, you're not the only one. I have to watch it because after losing Mike, I tend to think life is too short to waste on someone who either doesn't care or just isn't good for you.

I wouldn't say to just throw in the towel at the first obstacle. But, if you've been here for more than a year, and things aren't dramatically better, you need to stop wasting your time.

I know how you feel. It gets frustrating which is why I try to avoid new threads until the person has started listening to the vets.

It is very frustrating to see people in the same situation year after year. Then I see others who wisely leave the marriage and re-marry and are happy again. I cannot imagine what they get out of staying in a bad marriage.

IT certainly is not a Marriage Builders strategy. The Harleys have told many people they needed to get a divorce. Sometimes divorce is the definition of success.

It took me 5 years here before I was willing to accept defeat. I feel better that I didn't go down without a fight.

Melody I remember that you told me early on in my posting (began in 07) that I was most likely married to a sociopath. It was one of the things that jarred me into realizing how bad things were. I've always appreciated your honesty in that regard.I stuck it out for another 2 years but when I decided to bail I felt justified in doing so because I knew I'd tried EVERYTHING.

I don't know how you keep giving such encouraging advice to these people in seemingly hopeless situations. You are a rock.

That is how I feel too NED. I know I did all I could. I do regret that I didn't get out a few years earlier. But mostly I'm good with the effort I put forth.

I see that decision to throw in the towel as an intensely personal one that we all have to make individually, I had to go the road I'm on and I don't think many others would have stayed as long.

In hind site it is easy to say I stayed to long but I would like to think that I left nothing undone in the attempt to save my marriage. It makes it hard for me to tell someone to give up, I just don't think I would ever feel I have enough of the facts on this board to make that call.

But I have to agree that as I read some of the threads I want to say screaming Run do not walk to the closest exit!!!!!!!

I was at a funeral of a high school buddy recently and his ex-sister in law was sitting next to me in the back of the church. She had divorced my friend's older brother 20 years ago after and A on his part. The father that had past had practically disowned his son over the D and made it clear that the Ex-Daughter in law would always be apart of the family.

I always admired how the father had handled the situation, I was sad to see that 20 years later that the A and D were still giving out their "Blessings", I thought of how this will play out in my future for my family. There will be sad times ahead for all.

So who's to say when enough is enough.........


Sure wish I had the answer for that one.........

I am so with you on that one. I rarely tell a person to hang it up, because you just never know. I have seen some pretty bad marriages come back from the dead. But you and I both know there are ones that will never make it. Those are usually pretty obvious to all concerned. And the ones that send me screaming are the ones who come here for YEARS and nothing ever changes and nothing ever will change. When nothing changes, it is a pretty good indication the person is not interested in change. People who really want change.....change.

SmilingWoman, I can't remember what you said exactly when you first arrived, but I do remember being shocked at how bad it was for you. And I am still so very proud of you for getting yourself out of that nightmare. You are one of my heroes. You are a true MB success story.