First, I'm told you don't need irrelevant details (see page 13). Then, I don't give the irrelevant details and summarize something and I'm told that I'm lying.

You make it sound like if your husband gets fired today, all is lost.

Yet, if you're getting paid till the end of October, then you're not going to be out on the street tomorrow if your husband is fired today.

I don't think you were lying. But I do think you like the drama.

Your husband CAN get a job by the end of October, if he's not picky. He may not like the job, but he can put food on the table.

It also sounds like you're not living within your means.

Also, I only work part time, so my paycheck is only a third of our total income. As a reuslt, my H being fired would be a much bigger impact. Not sure if you need that detail, but I wouldn't want to leave anything out and be called a liar.

Thanks Prisca. He can look. Jobs aren't easy to come by these days though.

Yes, I have had a huge problem with spending since D-day (mostly me). For a while, I just went out and spent money to make myself feel better. At the time, I figured, well, we both have good jobs, we can afford this.

My H also scheduled a trip to Disneyworld a few months ago as a show of his commitment to the family. We put several thousand dollars down at the time. We could cancel and try to get that money back, but the kids would be devastated. That would be an option if he loses his job though, I guess.

Anyway, since I found out about being laid off, I have been working on my spending and we have established a budget. I guess it's too little too late though.

It's easy from the outside looking in to think, "What's the big deal?" But, from my perspective, the idea that both of us could be jobless is extremely scary.

Also, if he is fired, he won't be eligible for unemployment.

At least I'll get some unemployment. I will also get some severance from my employer. It won't be much though because I only work part time. I'm figuring that with severance and unemployment, we would be able to cover about a fifth of our expenses if my H is fired and can't find another job.

My boss is trying to find out from HR if I switch to working full time before the "notice" period starts if I could get the full time severance...which would be a HUGE difference.

I don't think any body is thinking "What's the big deal?"
Markos and I have been in tight financial situations -- feeding a family of 6 on $64 a week. One of those 6 people was an infant with a liver condition who required very expensive formula ($20 a can, 2-3 cans a week).

I understand being scared.

But you're still being over-dramatic. You're not going to be out on the street tomorrow. You're not going to starve. You'll probably have to cut way back on your expenses, and eat beans and rice for awhile. You may have to sell some things. But you will survive.

Your husband will find a job. You have a whole country to look in. And he's not bound to his particular field.

Thanks Prisca.

Yes, we will survive. There is no doubt about that and I'm sorry if I gave the impression that we would be out on the street or something.

We have had a really good standard of living. Nice home, nice cars, the best foods, etc. I guess I'm just feeling that it's not fair that the kids and I could lose all of this because of my H's stupid mistakes. It makes me feel so resentful and angry and sad for myself and my kids. If he just hadn't had an affair, we would be fine and wouldn't have to change our standard of living at all! It's just so unfair!

Another pity party, I know.

I just went back and reread this...you are right. I am a drama queen. lol

Ugh! H didn't talk to his boss today. Says he was too busy. He did send his boss an email requesting to talk about the trip when he had a chance, and his boss replied stating they could meet tomorrow morning at 8:30. H forwarded the email to me.

And I'm too busy for cancer. Anywhoo...wrote this earlier.

You are in great hands with Prisca and many others. One thing amongst many that I've learned here at MBs is that, whether you are a WH, WW, BS, or none of the above but seeking counsel, there is little room for drama. Think about this: how often do you use or think words like

always
ruined
never
constantly
can't




You get the point. What MB will help you do is see a) where you are, and, b) how to get where you want to be regardless of the destination, provided that destination is a healthy one (meaning not continuing an A, etc.) You're already finding out by way of firehose that issues in your M are not limited to an A or any other behaviors in the M department, but the net cast is much bigger. Sound like bad news? No! Just the opposite, in fact.

An A or mutual indiscretions are inexcusable actions, yet fix-able symptoms.

You saw Prisca's (and others) response to the job situation. It's not that you �lied�, OK? Think about how YOU posted your situation, Ms. Drama. See? The reality is that the world will not crash around you, you will not fall into financial ruins, and you will not die. What you will be potentially is strapped for awhile. That's the reality from someone who financially ruined herself twice, never to do again.

Why �never to do again�? I have personal financial boundaries, and have for 8 years now. I tell every person I know without shame that I only pay cash now as I almost lost my house because of my poor money management and excessive credit card debt and living beyond my means in the past. (EXPOSURE!) In other words, I set up my own financial EPs for ME. I have people still to this day that call me on it...confusing a debit card with a credit card. Always a good laugh. I set up my own accountability measurement.

See the common message and strategy? This website is called MarriageBuilders, not �how to overcome an affair builders�. Overcoming affairs is only one aspect of the concepts here, but the concepts are consistent.

Keep posting, stick with it, and good luck.

And, if that doesn't happen? Or, he doesn't expose? Then what will you do?

hbd,

Sorry to hear about the job situation. FWIW, I don't consider what you posted as lying. Overreaction and panic, but not lying. A natural state, considering the situation you are facing, and the economic situation the world faces as well.


So, the advice I have for you is this: when you face a crisis or emergency, the best thing a person can do is


HAVE A PLAN.


As with MB, you have a plan in place to address the marital crisis. So it should go with the job crisis you face.


Anticipate perhaps that hubby may also face changing jobs, because if the affair happens to be exposed at work - and let's face it, someone ELSE might do this for you in the workplace (you might not be able to control this!). So, have a plan for that possibility, however remote you might think it is.


Sit down with him, talk about this, and discuss how the two of you will approach it. AS A TEAM. Because you are a team right now.


SB

I'm not really surprised. I expected it, actually.

QFT

What's your plan?

HBD,

I just have an idea for you. Why not start your own little company with your H and be your own employers. That will give you most needed time together and that is an excellent opportunity for true team building.

Think of what is your profession, what are your skills and what are your other interests/hobbies. With your H's you have plenty on the table. This double package might give you many ideas what your future company might sell.

In our country, starting your own business is real easy and not expensive at all.

Me and my H knew that our job situation would change in Aug-Sept this year and we really didn't want to continue as employees anymore. It took 2 months to brainstorm ideas, discuss and read things through and have our first agreements. You have that time at hand, too.

H disclosed everything about the A to his boss this morning!

His boss actually already knew because OW complained to HR about me harassing her via Facebook (when I exposed, I sent FB messages to her brother and some of her friends). HR looked into the situation by reviewing my H's emails. Since they found no continuing contact with OW, and he was no longer working with her, the issue was dropped. They didn't even tell my H or me that OW complained. They only told my H's boss. I'm guessing his boss was supposed to talk to him about it, but his boss never brought it up.

There is still a chance my H might get fired because his boss will need to confirm the affair to HR. I'm hoping HR will see that my H is trying to turn things around. Maybe he will just get a slap on wrist. We could use everyone's prayers about this.

Anyway, H's boss is ok with me going along on the trip. In fact, he said that I can go to any "employees only event" as well. He told my H to contact the travel management department to get me included in trip travel plans and that he would approve it. We just have to pay the difference.

Thanks Surfer!

Honestly, I never realized I was such a drama queen until I went back and reread some of my posts. lol

I have always had an anxiety problem and that might be causing some of my overreaction. I think I need to get back on my anxiety meds until this storm passes. I took one this morning and feel much better.

I don't mind the firehose. Although at first I get defensive, in the end it helps me see things that I wouldn't have seen otherwise. Does that make sense?

I will definitely keep posting. This site has been a miracle for our marriage and myself. Thanks!

Thanks SB!

Our plan right now is for me to try and get the full time severance through my work. My boss is working on that for me now. From what we can tell, if I switch back to full time before 8/22, then I can get the full time severance payment. That would be a difference of about $17,000 for someone that has been with the company for at least 10 years and I've been there 11.

If that doesn't work out, and my H does lose his job (which doesn't appear that likely now) our plan is to just cut expenses and spending. We may have to sell our house as a last resort. We are lucky enough to have some equity in our home that could cover us for a while.