Thanks Mrs. Recon!

I like that idea! Especially if I can get the full time severance through my work. I can use that money towards my business.

I'm thinking about starting a freelance editing business. My current job is an investments principal (series 9/10 licensed). I review and sign off on broker written correspondence with clients (in the investment industry, all written correspondence with the public must be reviewed and approved), so editing wouldn't be that much of a stretch. What do you all think?

I just realized...OW was trying to get ME and my H fired when she went to HR.

First, she tried to steal my life. Then, when that didn't work out, she tried to sabotage my life instead. What kind of person does that? Unbelievable. I can't believe my H found her remotely appealing.

If your husband doesn't find a job soon enough, consider moving to an area that is in a boom.

Williston, ND is one example. Because of the oil field, there are jobs everywhere, both in the oil field itself, and in all the supporting industries. The big problem is finding housing, but if you can resolve that, the jobs are there.

That's just one example. The country still has plenty of places that are growing, and looking for people to work there.

I love this analogy, think he's really starting to get it. That's all thanks to you setting healthy boundaries, insisting on protection and being honest about how much it means to you.

It helps me realise should I ever be in a position to do recovery with my h, that I will need to be tough.

Then the risky honesty with the boss and it tuns out he knew all along!!!

Honesty really is the best policy isn't it?

You both still have a long way to go but I think you deserve a little clap for putting great advice into practice. Keep it up..

She truly thinks she is entitled to sleep with my husband, but I'm not entitled to tell people about it. It's taking everything in me not to call her and tell her off.

I know, I love that analogy too. It brought tears to my eyes when he said it.

I think his boss didn't believe OW or something because he never said anything to my H. But, when my H told him he had the affair, his boss said, "Was it OW?" My H says he just about died.

Thanks for the support Indiegirl.

My OW is the same, sometimes I roll around laughing thinking of how pathetic she is.

Calling her would take away your superiority and dignity. I get why you want to though.

Think of her evil little screwed up face when she was trying to get her revenge on you with HR. Pitiful.

Thanks Neak.

I'd hate to move because my kids love it here and they have tons of friends, but that's always an option if we can't find any jobs here.

Thanks. She IS pitiful.

I love your tag line BTW!

"She may be after my life and my hairdo but she's still a tacky loser"

really, she is

hbd,


One thing you need to remember about your affairs - both you and your hubby - is that the affairs are not about the affair partners, or about your spouses. The affairs really are about you, yourself.

Try not to focus too much on the OW in your recovery. I know it is hard to do that (been there, done that), but try anyway. The OW could have been anyone, from anywhere. She was not, and is not, special.


SB

Good news! My boss was able to approve my switch to full time before the official layoff notice period begins. As a result, I should be eligible to receive the full time severance payment!

IMO I should receive the full time severance anyway because I worked full-time for six years (until my second daughter was born), and I had always planned to go back to full time when she started kindergarten (which she starts on 9/6). I'm just starting back a few weeks earlier than my original plan.

We have also been able to work out the specifics of my H's business trip. My MIL is coming to watch the kids and H's boss has approved our travel arrangements.

I'm lucky to have such a great MIL. She supports me so much and is always
checking up on H. She was so mad at him about the A because her first H (my H's Dad) cheated on her and married his OW.

Everything seems to be working out. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Sounds good, keep on track..

Ugh!!

H's boat trip has been rescheduled due to bad weather, so we are going through the whole argument again.

He says he is expected to go because he's the manager and he doesn't want to cancel again. He doesn't understand what the big deal is because it's only three hours long and he will come right home after it's over. He says he'll wear a VAR so I know he's there and I can hear everything said. He also says he won't drink, so he feels that technically it's not going against our EPs.

I'm so frustrated. He still doesn't get it and I don't know how to get him to see things from my perspective. Maybe I'm overreacting. I don't know. Advice?

I just sent this email to my H at work:

"I have to be honest, I'm still not happy about this. I tried to be happy about our compromise, but I'm honestly not and I need to be upfront with you about how I'm feeling.

Regardless of whether you use a recorder, I don't understand why it's so important for you to go on the boat trip. It looks optional according to the email and it can't possibly be that big of a deal. It really bothers me that avoiding disappointing your boss is somehow more important to you than protecting my feelings. It makes me feel that I'm always going to be #2 to your job.

That being said, I do see everything that you are doing to make our relationship better. Your love bank in my heart has grown so much as a result of your efforts that I cannot get enough of you! But, you should know that your need to make everyone else happy at my expense, and your lack of trying to understand my fear and pain, has taken HUGE love bank withdrawals out of my love bank for you. I think you should know this before all of the hard work you have done to fill my love bank is ruined. I'm not trying to threaten you or make demands, I just want you to know this before your love bank in my heart is empty."

He sent a reply saying "Thanks for being honest with me!" But, did not say he wouldn't go on the boat trip.

He has the list of EPs, he knows they're non negotiable. Presumably he's not comatose upstairs.

Just a short while back he was singing you all the right songs, showing commitment to paying you just compensation.
Because he saw you were serious.

However it appears what he was really thinking was: "give it a few weeks and she'll go back to being the 'old hbd' the one who can be convinced she is 'overreacting'.

Are you kidding me??!!

What happened to the whole 'It was like you were warning me that a bus was headed for me'. Yeah he didnt like you being firm at first with that one either did he?

If you dont have firm boundaries with this guy, he'll torpedo right through them all.

I see a big

Keep your eyes on stalks, snoop extra hard and dont budge an inch on EPs. Dont give in to AOs either, he may be trying to provoke you into another stupid act to ease his guilt - just like he did with the threesome.

Just be a great, reasonable wife - with good boundaries on what she expects in a husband.

What is he so guilty about I wonder. He may just have poor boundaries and likes it that way though.

non�ne�go�tia�ble (nnn-gsh-bl, -sh--)
adj.
1. Difficult or impossible to settle by arbitration, mediation, or mutual concession: a nonnegotiable demand.
2. Nonmarketable

He says it isn't against our EPs because the EP that applies (No going out drinking with friends if females will be present) involves drinking...and since he is not going to be drinking, it's not against our EPs (which is technically true).

Maybe I should change the EP to "no going out with friends." I don't think I want that either though...I want us both to have friends and I usually go out with my friends at least once a month.

So he's trying to lawyer you, eh? Nice.

What about number one? and number 8?

If you arent enthuiastic the decision should not be made, even when something isnt an EP, which this is.

If he needs the EPs need to be nailed on tighter, do it. Change the EPS to cover what is specifically bothering you about the trip? Is it the alcohol? The fact that the buddies are chauvenist pigs?

Did they support the A by the way?

Regardless, their company and drinking is not a great combination for a wayward.

Its sort of like a gambler going to meet a bunch of jockeys with inside knowledge.. Its not technically the track but its just too close for comfort to what feeds the addiction..