Yes, Plan A was tiring in many ways... it felt good to be doing something, but this is a much more restful place. I just feel like I have no idea what is going on over there, that is what I miss. When I was in Plan A I heard all of WH's doubts and things he doesn't like about the OW, and those things reassured me that there is hope. Now I just stew in my own fears that they are getting along wonderfully.

loveitough, I took what you said and decided to read mimi's plan B thread. She got a lot of good advice on that one.

Maybe there is hope, since my WH did attempt to cake eat a few times.... maybe.

Mehr, you need to stop focusing on him and the A. You are letting it eat at you. You really need something else to focus on.

When you talk to your friends and family what are you talking about?

Mehr,
I was gone for a week of 'old school' non technicological life and loved it.
Wow.
Anyway.....
aim for not caring a figs worth what is going on over there.

That IS possible. Also...it is awesome to be there, in that state of mind.

For real!

It takes time to want to be there but once you are ready, it rocks!

Okay, I will try. It is so hard.

Yesterday I met with my lawyer. Again, there is nothing I can do about the other woman being around my children.... please pay attention.... nothing. The judge doesn't care, no one cares. I feel like I am often beat up at MB about this, but it is what it is!!! So please stop trying to make me feel that I am not fighting the fight, which I am. It is out of my control, and I hate it.

TOMORROW IS MY COURT DATE... for
-temporary support,
-custody and a visitation schedule.

It would also be the legal separation but WH has not taken the required parenting class to do that, I don't care as long as I get money.

I will let you know how it goes.

The bad news is also that I asked how long the divorce will take, and he said there isn't a lot to fight about here so it could be done rather quickly. I said I am not in a hurry and would like it dragged out if possible.

Overall.... discouraged on several fronts: that I could be divorced by Christmas, that I can't do anything about the other woman being around my children.... encouraged that the lawyer thinks I may be able to get more money than I was planning, but we won't know until we see WH's paystubs tomorrow (he was supposed to provide them already but did not, he never gets anything done).

I want off this roller coaster. I wish he would drive off a bridge so I can be done with him and get the life insurance money. I hate that I have to tolerate him (and possibly her) for the next 20 years even if we divorce. I think I will never trust again. I never should have had kids with anyone and tied myself to their existance like this.

I have to laugh about the bridge.....cause I have thought very similar thoughts myself. It is sad to have those thoughts cross our minds. We are human though....

You HAVE fought the fight and still must.

Focus on yourself and the kids when they are with you. Try to release control of when they are with dad. Try to not let the anger and frustration about the state of things to take a hold of you. It is sucky. Yes it is. You can only control yourself. That is HUGE.

I will be waiting with baited breath to read how the court date goes.

Chances are, if you don't reconcile (and R is still a possibility), you'll only have to put up with this particular OW for a few months up to a couple years.

She's already toast, she just doesn't know it yet.

Oh my goodness, my lawyer just called, my husband is attempting to use a paycheck that is over a month old to calculate CS, because I know how much overtime he works in July. What a selfish idiot. I am so done with him.

Wouldn't many people try to use a paycheck that was less? It is human nature. Especially for a wayward.
Just deal with it and do not let it aggitate you more.
Stay on your toes but don't let him stomp on them and make you screech.
Your lawyer sounds like he (or she) is a good conduit to handle the issues that need to be tended to.

mehr --
if he wanted to speed this up -- he shoulda taken the class, right? He's dragging his feet too. Its just harder to see when you're in the middle of it.

Him not complying is his way of delaying.

Neak is right. This OW will be gone in no time.
And really? The kids interupting their romance might be just the ticket to blow it up. She can only be on her best behavior for so long. She'll show her true colors. And it will likely be over discipline of the 4 kids. Your Wh won't put up with her criticizing or disciplining his kids.

She has 3 kids of her own... imagine them with SEVEN kids!!! These people are crazy. Granted, hers are only there 1/2 the time....

I am SO NERVOUS ABOUT TOMORROW....... court.

Honestly, I don't think he's stalling, he just doesn't get things done, he is too busy having a grand old time with the affair to have time for things like financial inquiries, or parenting classes....

He is dragging his feet girl. He really wants you and her.
Get it?
If he has to choose this second...he chooses her but her wants you both.
She is meeting certain needs that you couldn't (after having his babies) and you meet some she can't (you are mother to his many children!)

I think he's a full blown wayward Mehr.

I think he must be dealt with harshly in the courts right now to simply wash away some of this fog and bring in a hard dose of reality.

Right now HE WANTS THE AFFAIR. Period. If he wants otherwise, he can move home and stop all this stupidity.

Play.HARDBALL.

Do not feel sorry for the wayward. The BEST option for busting up this affair is THE COURT SHOWING HIM HOW IT WILL BE.

You do not engage in dealing with him at all. Let the lawyer handle it all. You just look great and be the decent, nice, mother.

MAKE sure this lawyer fights like a junkyard dog ok? Fights with all he's got.

Are they subpoenae-ing the skank ow? I sure hope so.

Bring out the 2 x 4 's.... I broke Plan B with a text message.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??????????????

Um, double why????

(Since just one "why" was taken.)

... because I was angry. It wasn't a nice text message, but it wasn't super mean either. No name calling. Just, stop trying to make yourself out to be a good guy.

Oh well, don't care tonight, if it extends their affair, she can have him. I think its already too late and I don't want someone back who has hurt my children like this and has been having sex with someone else for months.

I am very nervous about tomorrow, and I hope I can come back with good news financially at least.

Even supposing you don't ever care for WH again. Texting him keeps you in the drama, keeps you in a place of pain and mental unease.

That's bad for you, and it's bad for the kids.