CV,

She showed you the email, UNOPENED.

Kiss your wife, man. She did right by you!

HHH,

Not mad at her. Told her that. I am proud she did the right thing. I am upset that this turd still plagues us. Just read another thread where OW tried contact after 12 years! Ugh. I'm kinda mad at myself too. That this thing caught me so off guard and triggered me so easily.

She is also doing a remarkable job journaling on many issues that were root causes for her. I read it from time to time and she is super open and honest. It's a great help to recovery. I think the stress of her 1st failed eye surgery and the resultant 2nd one (which worked) and now a kid who's been sick and in the ER 2x this week has worn me down.

Maybe i need her to smack me in the head a few times...

CV

Or something more intimate and nurturing, with a wink wink, nudge nudge.

My prescription; an exciting date capped with a romantic finish.

Do it, be present, and lose yourself with her for a while.

Lol.. ok. I will talk to her about it! Promise!


Cv

CV, I'm not a big fan of doing nothing, so I agree with the posters recommending some legal approach. Set the stage for hanging him with harassment if it comes to that.

As an alternative: I believe you've posted that you're in the Virginia area. That would put me about seven hours south of you. If you need help with your light work, just let me know (LOL).

Heck, your OM2 might be the same as my OM1. My OM's recently lost his main squeeze and might be fishing for a new lady . . .

If it's the same guy, I will knock him again... lol

I will pursue it when things settle down here. Not sure what's going on in the CV house this year, must be the luck of the irish... My youngest has been in the hospital since Sat. with meningitis. Ugh. Hoping he goes home tomorrow.

SAA (somewhere around p.70, where it speaks of "extraordinary precautions") suggests that a wayward spouse should be especially proactive in blocking avenues for potential contact. In this day & age, changing e-mail is pretty basic -- I wouldn't even call it "extraordinary." Your wife should've done this long ago. And his being able to change the "blocked" setting on her account, from remote? That's a little weird, and no, CV, this episode of contact ain't your fault. Your wife screwed up in not remembering that she'd given OM password access to this account, and in not closing it altogether. I'm not saying you need to punish her for that, but at the same time, she needs to "own" that she screwed up. Forwarding it to you unopened (or clicking "mark unread" and showing it to you "unopened"?) while you sit around typing "This is my fault" isn't enough.

Well, it's water under the bridge. If I were you, I'd send him another NC message, written by & from you (but sent as a reply from your wife's e-mail, so that you'll be sure POS OM will eagerly open & read it) and then close the account immediately before he responds again. Extend him the promise that he will regret any further attempts to interfere with your family. With prayer & by the hardest, you should be able to steer clear of speciifc-threat language that could land you in legal trouble, e.g., for promising to hogtie him & burn off all his ankle-hair with a Bic lighter & work your way up, etc.

Whom all did you contact? Just his CO? If he's still in the military, I would also be wallpapering the Pentagon from Secretary Panetta on down with such a ****storm of cease-&-desist letters, and cc'ing every general counsel & relevant member of Congress on every one, so that some of the **** would be sure to flow downhill & the dude would be sure not to get promoted above urinal toothbrush again.

Oh no, son's meningitis back-to-back with your wife's eye surgery drama? Man, your mettle's being tested these days. I think you're up to it.

The strongest steel is forged in the hottest fire. I suspect something really great is coming your way, CV.

Glove,

it really was my fault to a degree. remember we came to MB almost 3 years after dday and stumbled through much of it. I'm pretty sure she didn't click it marked as unread. She hates the guy. Maybe hate is too nice a word. But I do get your point. I made her keep the account after dday to prove something (not sure what I was proving.. maybe that I wasn't whooped?) We haven't heard anything since the letter was ignored. Wife doesn't drive now that her eye has been operated on, can't really text because of vision problems and is only on the computer with me in the room. She is tighter on following her EPs than I am.

If we hear back from the little turd-burglar I will send the cease and desist letters to the whole chain of command. He was already busted for the affair. released from active duty and is now serving as an active reservist (minus 2 stripes, from e-7 to e-5 after 16 years in).

I will talk to her more when things settle down here a bit.

CV

If he was already busted for the affair, and he's still pursuing the still-married woman for which he was busted, this guy must have an IQ in the 70's.

I hope he's an E5 military cook, so the only thing he can screw up is the omelet orders. Frightening that such a man is in our armed forces.

Is your son still in the hospital? How's he doing? How's Mrs. CV holding up? With your wife still recovering from surgery, looks like you're taking the brunt of the impact from all of this. You holding up okay?

I'm guessing his IQ is right about equivalent to Gump. The letters he wrote to Grace were actually funny. Here's one I remember (and some of the letters were actually written backwards)

Deer ____,

I saw your hands threw the partishion when you were talking to _____ and they were sexie. I cant get you're hand off of my mind. I thought of you all bay (d was backwards). can we meet agin after work(K was backwards)?

Lol it was a [censored]-fest from beginning to end. anyway... Son's home as of last night. He is off antbiotics and they said the meningitis was viral not bacterial (they think). We don't don't need to be on meds for exposure. G's eyes are healing nicely but she experiences eye fatigue pretty quickly so I have to monitor her closely because she is a ginger and very hard-headed...

Oddly, I work better under pressure than in a no pressure environment. We are expecting to crash and burn here in the next day or two though... We are both sleep deprived and will probably sleep all day saturday (if we make it that far!). She's back at work 1/2 days. Her boss has been great.

Emotionally, I am drained. the last month has been he77. my body aches and I feel like even my hair is sore! The other 2 kids are a huge help though and I am grateful.

CV

Ok... thought I'd share this and invite some comments from folks. 5 weeks ago (maybe 6 now) our community bible study finished our study on Galatians... I had this grand idea that we would do a Harley book. Everyone was agreeable (in theory) to doing a book on building marriages since we are all married couples or married but spouse is not attending...

Well we started HNHN.... Whooo nelly! We are a small group. 2 couples and 2 married ladies whose husbands don't attend. One of the ladies has been married 52 years as has one of the couples (my mom and dad). Come to find out, only one person there has not had infidelity in their marriage.

The study has been a roller coaster. I feel I am counseling my own parents, a lady whose husband is a serial cheater, ourselves and getting input from this crazy lady in our study who's stumbled through mb principles to make her marriage work for 52 years.. It's a rollercoaster to be sure! Anyway, I wanted to share.

CV, I'm new to these threads....but have followed your advice the past several days. You were one reason I decided I needed this group.

As far as ever taking a marriage class with my parents....not something I would ever sign up for. You are a brave soul. Good luck with the study.

Tex,
Thanks! My wife just shared her after-meeting meeting with mom... Ugh sex-talk with your 70+ year old parents is not where I wanted to be tonight. BUT... they have limped along 19 years after dad's affair... She still punishes him and the MB material is embraced by both mom and dad. pretty amazing if you knew him.

I just posted on your thread.

CV

Could never do it. You're either brave or crazy, my friend.

Wife that still can't see correctly, son recovering from a serious infection, and you tackle the subject of infidelity in your church group -- oh yeah, and your mother.

I'm leaning toward crazy . . .

It's my gift. I always run towards the conflict... Why? Umm.... Dunno.

Best of luck to you and your wife. Hope your boy fully recovers, and quickly.

Thanks for your input on everything, CV.

Wife and I have been doing a class using HNHN for our community Bible Study. If you've been following, it's an interesting group. Among the people who are there are my parents. One lady who was enthusiastic at the beginning started backtracking quickly when we started the study.

Come to find out, her husband's a controlling serial-cheater... She missed the 3rd study and came back reluctantly for the 4th. We only are 2 chapters into the book!

Well, her objection was that she didn't want to discuss personal marital issues. I told her no one was going to be asking personal questions about their sex life or anything. So after a big blow up last week, I told her to please give it another shot, that the book was good for basic relationships as well as marriages.

I assigned homework. everyone was supposed to go through the book from page 1 to chapter 3 and see how these principles fit into basic relationships.

Well low and behold! We got together this week and I reread key points from the book. I replaced couples with friends and marriages with relationships. We were able to go through the basic ideas of MB without triggering anyone!

Funny in a way. That same lady walked away saying "I learned so much! This is awesome! I wonder if it will work with my husband too!"

Go figure... Remove the trigger and viola! She can hear again...

Well, I don't know if anyone follows the thread here or not anymore, but if anyone does, I'd appreciate prayers. My W (grace4me) has another appointment at the Dr tomorrow morning for her eye. We are not sure what's wrong other than she is having pain in the eye socket, and the muscles around the eye are affected. We are hoping her eye isn't rejecting the transplant. We are pretty much broke after 2 12k visits to the dr with no insurance.

Anyway, thanks for letting me share...

CV