Im an slowly but surley coming out of some of the shock this morning he said that he was worried I had told everyone. Hmmm any thoughts I think that he has been stalling and he keeps saying how dark his thoughts are and that I dont understand he just needs love and patience. I have only a couple of days left before he comes home from Brazil

Everything he says is either foggy or confused - oh and it will tend to sound a bit like this

ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME - Pooooor me.

Wahhhhhhhhmbulance.

GET EXPOSURE DONE ASAP - In one day.

prepare to be all cute, sexy and have a great homecoming waiting, with nice food, drinks etc as per Plan A.

Read the wayward fog translated thread (click below, its on my sig)

I will also bump the craziest things out of a waywards piehole thread too

It will give you a much needed laugh and you will see that they all read from the same stupid script and dont know what the h(ll they want.

I guess that I am still in shock he comes home Friday and I am sitll on the fence. Im feeling stupid and like the Lord is not hearing my plee

You can do this while in shock, I promise you.

As for being on the fence, you dont have to make any decision now. Best you dont in fact until you have had more time to absorb the shock.

The plans are about healing you and giving you options. They do bust up the affair, but the main thing is to give you the position to decide later.

Do you have someone to support you? Are you eating and sleeping?

Make that job number one.

Hang in there.

I remember the first few weeks. I wrote one time that I felt like a helicopter with no tail rotor, just spinning out of control. I cried so much I thought my tear ducts had run dry. But just when you think that, you cry some more. It sucks.

I also had no appetite. Dropped 20 lbs. But hey, it's kind of fun being ripped. Go to the gym. Punch a heavy bag to get out some frustrations.

Get ready to hear a load of crap from your WH. He'll probably say he needs space and that he loves you but he's not in love with you. Then he'll flip flop. He's got his head up his butt right now. Also, he's a liar so don't trust a word. Even if he says he's not in contact anymore, you've got to watch him like a hawk.

You have to decide if YOU want him back or not. If you do, then listen to the vets here and expose this affair in nuclear fashion. Listen to Melodylane and Pepperband. Do what they say.

Get the OW to dump your husband by making her life miserable by telling all of her friends and family that she's involved with your H and destroying your family. Turn on the lights and watch the cockroaches scurry away.

Also, be very stealth in your investigation. Install a keylogger on his computer and find out his email and FB passwords. Watch for any secret email accounts. When you confront him with evidence, do not show it to him and do not tell him you have his passwords or have installed a keylogger.

Gather as much info as you can. Keep records of everything so you can get the best for you and the kids in case you divorce. And make sure HE KNOWS you're not going to give him some friendly divorce, let him know if he doesn't dump that woman, you're going to take him to the cleaners.

Cell phone records are admissible in court. His emails may not be, so keep that in mind.

This is not going to happen overnight either. Stay focused and try not to act on emotions... Yeah, TRY. And DO NOT, under any circumstances, beg.

TE

Omg I have been so stupid I am still having a rough time I asked and pleadedwith him to please give er up wrote him a letter. Leaving him to his choices because he was an adult. I started seeing a counselor and he did say he would go. There is so much anger when is talking to me and rage OMG hes not the same person that I married. I was told that I never did listen to him and that is all the OW did was listen and sometimes not speak. I have spoken to the pastor who told me to see what the therapist said about exposing him. I have not been sleeping well no and am supposed to start a work at home job. He says he just does not understand why I keep changing jobs is that a line of crap or what I need discernment. Im feeling like such a fool because of him

As far as eating and sleeping I go between crying, not being able to sleep, crying and cant concentrate. This has been a month and I am on antidepressants. Maybe I need to see about changing that. I feel like death warmed over and there are times when I would not want to be here because of the OW I did do a reverse phone look up and am not sure who she is because there are two different women.

I must be the most stupid person alive I feel for his line of hog wallow. I was on my way to the counselor and I happened to check his facebook page and found a conversation between him and his sister. The conversation was confessing his undying love for the other woman. Told sis that he didnt think that I would change and that he was really in love with ow. Needless to say that I freaked out and called his parents who didnt know what hit them. Apologized to them for being so bursque with them. But I need to defend myself. He said that he was leaning towards a divorce and that he could not see his life with out her. He coudl not believe I would change. I am going to file for divorece on monday. I cant stand the hurt anymore and the deciet anymore. His excuse was that I spent too much time with my family and didnt give him any attention. While i know that I am partially to blame for some of these things (mom is 77) it still does not justify him sleeping with the ow. I spilled my guts to mom and dad. found out who the other woman rally was and she is on face book. Advise

Oh I forgot to mention that I do have cell phone records as well and I do have that conversation with his sister. Whos laughing now. Went to the bank today to protect myself. Prayers are appreciated

Cool down. That stuff is what ALL waywards say. It's a sickness. The important thing is to get you clearheaded and following your plan so you have all the cards, and can make your decisions later on from an objective place.

Of course none of that stuff re your family excuses an affair. Its his guilt talking. If you had been there 24/7 he would have said you were clingy. Some waywards even blame their spouses for being too angelic and making them feel bad.
It is guilt-appeasing nonsense, so treat it that way.

As for Facebook when I exposed I sent a letter to specific people as she was a friend of mine so I knew who to target.

In a sitch like yours Ive seen people advised to go for people with smae surname or to just go ahea and copy everyone on her friends page. YOu have to do this a special way though to avoid FB blocking you.

Going to see if I can find those posts and an example exposure letter for you

Look at you! you're a warrior!!!! Think someones taker is waking up.....

Found some excellent advice from Mel on another thread that fits here.

Thanks for the tips he is supposed to come home today from Brazil and I know that he and his sister have been in cohoots talking about me. I dont know what his reaction is going to be in all this. His sister said "Maybe the ow is God's way of telling you its over with me?" God hates divorce that and some other things is what did it for me. Him saying that I could not change and I was weird.

Dont know about anyone else I have just checked his email and he has been texting her since he got home. I feel like a usless piece of Crap. I cant keep doing this Ive tried and I did tell his mother I need to find out if there is another man her spouse.

Have you exposed on all sides? OW's f&f, his and yours?

Dont worry about their reactions too much. The main point is to stop it being secret fun fantasy land where they are alone.

Can you carry on your Plan A much longer or are you hitting a wall? Have you got some good Plan A moments in? Women arent supposed to do more than 2-3 weeks, so it may be plan B time.

Pep has a great plan A thread just bumped. Its not about being nice, you get to stand up for whats right while being classy and dignified...

This is the first time that I have had time to get on since he has been home I have not exposed all sides. He has been to the counselor twice and he told me he was going to tell his parents today. The OW sent him two pictures and he texted her back. The cell phone carrier called me and told me we were going over minutes and such and I looked he had texted her today. He says its not what I think. I have been made to look like I smother him, the counselore gave be a book to read called When People are Big and God is Small. I don't know what his parents will say to him since I asked them not to say anything to him because he would just get mad at me. This has been living hell is all I can say. Im tired tired tired

So you have evidence

You have proof that contact is ongoing

EXPOSE

He doesnt get to expose - you do.

TELL his parents to talk to him. Tell everyone you expose to use their influence to HELP END THE AFFAIR. He will get mad at you - they all do - thats ok. It wont last its just the bluster of a wayward trying to scare you.

Expose now. The longer you let them stay in the dark the more drained and tired you will get.

Work now, rest later. Get on OWs Facebook.

Yes it is a living hell. Im sure you dont want to stay at this point. Move it along.

Really, Brown, what are you waiting for? You need to expose this in a nuclear fashion LARGE AND EXPLOSIVE. Get it done, and out of the way.

You're not the first one to say those very things!
I did too!!
Sleeping is still tough!.....AMBIEN is a gift from God!
I lost 30 pounds since our D-Day (7 weeks ago)
Stay on this forum and follow the direction of the Veterans here!
Your story is MY story too.....we're here for you.


EXPOSE THE AFFAIR!!!
DO IT NOW!!
I confronted the OM at his office!!....and told him what the ramifications of his actions were going to be!!!!
Scared the OM and his staff REAL BAD!!!