Welcome to the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
MM, see, the OM is using his wife to try and shame you into silence. You want to assure him that you will not be silenced and you will not be frightened or guilted into silence. You are calm, cool, collected and most of all: YOU HAVE A PLAN.
They are in free fall and have no plan. Their plan is chaos and damage control. And you do not allow them to dictate your strategy.
Show that weasel scumbag that you will not back down. You are a man who will not back down from his assault on your family. You will not get mad, you will not lose control. You will firmly stand up for your family and lead them out of the darkness.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Thanks! A big portion of my email was for the OM, because I want him to cc the OM and his wife on this too. The OM needs to know that MM IS NOT GOING TO BACK DOWN.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
I would send her a final email and say words to the effect of:
"I just wanted to let you know that I did receive your email about no further contact with you. I will respect you and not contact you again. I believe you will be working hard in your way to heal your marriage, and I hope you can appreciate that I will be doing the same.
"However, you are wrong about the potential consequences that a sexual relationship can have on your WH's job. WH is in a position of authority. I'm sure there is a district policy addressing so let's get real here. (MM, if you have the policy handy you can include some lingo or just let it be) They both subjected themselves, their families, jobs, reputations to great risk by committing adultery. It is not my intention to retaliate but rather to kill this affair so that BOTH of our marriages/families have a chance to survive and heal.
I am sorry for your pain, BW."
Quote
I will not contact you again, but I want you to know that you are welcome to contact me at any time if you need to for any reason."
A new BS is hurting but they also need a firm hand. I personally would add more but don't know how much you want to say vs seeing how things go with the exposure.
BW - me exWH - serial cheater 2 awesome kids Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. --------Eleanor Roosevelt
You are doing an amazing job at a really screwed up time in your life.
There is nothing as powerful, manly, and ultimately rewarding as what you did yesterday. Fighting for your family is the greatest thing a man (or woman) can do.
I dont have the experience of the mass exposure but if I did Id like to think I did it as bravely as you did.
I especially like the OMW defending the cretan she married. I have bit of experience with that, though. Like your wife, my wife "worked" for OM and thus he held the cards. OMW, early on at least, thought my wife was the agressor and couldnt live without OM's (beep). Pel-easse. My wife needed the EN he supplied and he got the pleasure of my wife's company. Sounds like your deal.
Stay strong.
Life keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the fuuuu-ture.
He has the OM by the GONADS and he needs to continue squeezing. MM has alot of power in this situation.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
OMG - The OMW just sent me this email & copied my wife & her husband: While I appreciate your efforts in trying to save your marriage, I am in a battle to save my own. I know you feel betrayed over what has occurred; however, your contact with me has proved more like a retaliation and has done nothing to better the relationships in either of our marriages. If you are looking for an ally, you will not find one in me. As you mentioned concern for the legal implications in this situation, I find none, as this was a mutual relationship that occurred outside of school hours. My current focus is on my husband and children and every ounce of your attention shall be directed the same. I hope you realize that by opening discussions and the sharing of said emails and texts outside of the scope of our families will only serve as an attack on the relationships we are trying to preserve and could be a further detriment to our children. I wish your family strength as you work towards recovery, but ask that you have no additional contact with me or my family during this time.
I have no doubt the OM had a huge hand in writing it and sending it. That is why I want him to respond with my suggestion and cc the OM and his WW. It will scare the bee-jezus out of him without making any specific claims or threats. The OM will pee his pants when he sees that MM is calm, cool, collected and has NO INTENTION OF BACKING DOWN!
MM, maybe you should even cc the superintendent!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Dear OMW, I appreciate your email and want to assure you that any actions I take are for the purpose of protecting our families from the assault of our spouse's adultery and is not being done in retaliation. It is affairs and lies that poison children, not the truth. It is the affair that is the attack on our marriages and our children.
Affairs thrive on secrecy and keeping it secret only serves to enable it. We keep this affair a secret at our own expense because that is how and why this affair has thrived. That is not good for our marriages and serves as a detriment to our children. I pledge to not enable this affair by aiding and abetting its secrecy.
Please understand that our marriages can never fully recover as long as they continue to work together. They will be perpetually triggered and experts advise that we are facing an on-again, off-again affair for as long as they continue to work together. Marital recovery is impossible under those conditions. I want you to be aware of this, because they cannot continue to work together if we are truly serious about saving our marriages.
I am sorry you choose to not be my ally at this very trying and traumatic time but I will respect your wishes to not contact you. I will be your silent ally in my fight against this assault on my marriage and my daughter's family. I will do that for my daugher, XXX.
Here is the email I WANTED to give MM to send to the OMW, ccing the infidels:
Dear OMW, kindly send my sentiments to your husband :
Best regards, MovedMountains
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Thank you all - just sent the email & copied OM & WW. This is unreal. Got a call from mother-inlaw begging me not to tell our daughter. Didn't back down.
Me: 44 She: 38 Married: 11yrs Children: 8yo daughter Length of Affair: 6 weeks PA Currently Plan A
Thank you all - just sent the email & copied OM & WW. This is unreal. Got a call from mother-inlaw begging me not to tell our daughter. Didn't back down.
The affair is about to gasp it's last breath !!!!!!
You are getting great advice (please follow it all, don't skip the GPS step like so many BSs do!!).
Just wanted to say that I know what it feels like to be thrown under the bus by OPS after exposure and it...stings!
But please don't let that detract you from your PLAN. This is very salvageable if you can get your WW away from OM. Keep moving forward with what you are doing and don't back down. You are fighting for your family and you are doing a great job.
OMG - The OMW just sent me this email & copied my wife & her husband: While I appreciate your efforts in trying to save your marriage, I am in a battle to save my own. I know you feel betrayed over what has occurred; however, your contact with me has proved more like a retaliation and has done nothing to better the relationships in either of our marriages. If you are looking for an ally, you will not find one in me. As you mentioned concern for the legal implications in this situation, I find none, as this was a mutual relationship that occurred outside of school hours. My current focus is on my husband and children and every ounce of your attention shall be directed the same. I hope you realize that by opening discussions and the sharing of said emails and texts outside of the scope of our families will only serve as an attack on the relationships we are trying to preserve and could be a further detriment to our children. I wish your family strength as you work towards recovery, but ask that you have no additional contact with me or my family during this time.
What now?
Highly suspicious email.
It just occurred to me that this was probably written by the OM, who could have hacked the OMW's email account!! If the OM INTERCEPTED his email last night, he may have spun the story to his wife and is afraid MM will keep contacting her.
MM, I would strongly suggest you call the OMW and ASK HER if she sent that email and ask her if she recieved your email last night.
You very much need to verify that she got your evidence and ask if she sent this email. It is VERY BIZARRO for a BS to call exposure - to her - an "attack" on her marriage and her children. That is not rational and it would be highly unusual to hear a BS say that.
That is the languange of a fogged out WS!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
The fear of the loss of conveniences such as jobs, houses and comfortable routine is what stays the hand of many BS when confronted with the fact of an affair. we are not usually married only for romance; there is considerable comfort and investment to be had by both spouses in even a barely functional marriage.
OMW if she DID write this weird masculine, authoritarian email is only saying " I will suck up this insult of adultery if only I don't have to downgrade my car".
In truth you have done her and her family an enormous favour in exposing.
Completely agree to put a gps tracker on your WWs car. She WILL be doing all she can to conspire with OM at this time.
You're doing well mate. I knowit doesn't feel that way.
Thank you all - just sent the email & copied OM & WW. This is unreal. Got a call from mother-inlaw begging me not to tell our daughter. Didn't back down.
There are times you will feel like The Lone Ranger but keep on going. Be careful not to get sucked into arguments with MIL or WW. It will tire YOU out. That doesn't mean give two sentences and walk off but you don't need to go on and on and on about why you are exposing. You may have to repeat like a broken record but lecturing until you are blue in the face is not going to help.
Kudos to you!!
BW - me exWH - serial cheater 2 awesome kids Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. --------Eleanor Roosevelt
Thank you all - just sent the email & copied OM & WW. This is unreal. Got a call from mother-inlaw begging me not to tell our daughter. Didn't back down.
]
Good job! Did you read my email about calling the OMW? I suspect that email was written by the OM. He might have intercepted your email last night and hacked into his wife's email account. I would BE SURE and call her today to make sure she knows about the email you sent last night and to ask her if she sent this email today.
That email sounds like was written by the OM and BobPure has professional experience with this. He thinks it was written by a man.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
: 
It just occurred to me that this was probably written by the OM, who could have hacked the OMW's email account!! If the OM INTERCEPTED his email last night, he may have spun the story to his wife and is afraid MM will keep contacting her.