oh and I had hendricks one night......that changed everything

How are you doing Bill???? Thanks for posting those songs....
Just hoping today is better than yesterday,and not quite as good as tomorrow

It's a day by day thing.....Wife and Daughter still won't communicate with me.
I'm hearing that the exposure issues are still driving my Wife into severe anger.
I can only assume that the Wife has revved up our Daughter against me or that my Daughter is just overwhelmed by it all.
I'm still going to send the Wife a card every couple of weeks......trying to keep the door open if she drops out of the fog.
I'll send a card to the Daughter also.....just let her know that I'm here......and that I Love her. What else can I do?
Thanks for the support.

Erm, that last line is probably NOT a good thing to write on your next card to your wife!

Good thing you can vent here, Bill, so you don't LB in a big way.

My Daughter STILL won't respond to any communication from me.
I'm going to send a letter to her.....a gentle one.....asking her to please share with me what's on her mind.
She has to feel caught up in this trouble between her Mother and I.
But.....is her Mother "working" her? My Wife is still mad about the exposure.....and has blame-shifted EVERYTHING to me.
I just don't know.....and I'm frustrated.
I wanted to keep our Daughter out of this.....maybe that's impossible.

As far as the exposure goes..

You stood up and beat your chest and said,"That women is MINE!, please help me stop her from messing around with other monkeys"

What else could you do in this society? Thats as far as we are allowed to go, and everyone knows it. WW does too.


DD is probably having loyalty problems. Just keep being strong and gentle, and discuss things with her when she wants to. She is adult enough for POJA, but you don't POJA with her about whether Mom should be home or not, thats not her place, and its not negotiable.

I am sure WW is working her, she has to work this crap into her, DD knows its wrong. If you have been the only Father figure for her, she must continue to see a Strong and gentle stable man in you. The boys WW might meet will not be men and WW should not be allowed to sell them as such.

Dang straight!

Score one for the Gibbons!

That's what exposure is all about.....isn't it!!
But the Wife is MAD!!!.......and so emotionally foggy!!!


THAT is exactly what I'm trying to show my Daughter!!.....hopefully we can start a dialogue again.....but if she won't return calls/texts/letters.....what else can I do?

Give her the time and space needed to process what's going on.

Even for adult children, this stuff is terribly hard. The poor girl pretty much just had her childhood dismantled, and all fairy tales just died.

Don't push, simply tell her this;

"I realize that this is hard on you, but I want you to know that my ear and my shoulder are always open when you are ready."

Take those EN/LB concepts and apply them a tad to your relationship with your daughter, specifically avoid doing parental love busting.

I did JUST THAT!
Put a nice snail mail letter together......will mail it tomorrow.
Thanks!!

It's tit-for-tat, brother! I just may fish you for advice on how to handle teenage daughters in the digital age!

AMEN to that also..

I have had to be careful with my relationship with my DD, because of the same issues you stated HHH, all the childhood things that were taught her, now seem like they were a lie, and her Mom was the lier.

The problem was not that Mom was a lier about God though, as much as she did not believe it herself. Hence Moms need to push it onto others, in the need to make it true. Moms denial of her own inner emotional issues and demons that haunted her, put her over the top.

So DD is confused, and hasn't figured it out yet, that God is here for us personally, as the source for strenth and enlightenment, in this evil world.

But lovebusting Bill, will be when you try to defend yourself, by pointing out Moms faults, and useing them to explain your actions...I have been guilty of this, and I had to stop. My DD watching my WW spiral down into what she did, was enough for her to witness, without seeing her Daddy fall apart.

I justified it because I wanted to protect my DD from thinking God was not here to protect us through the wisdom found in scripture, and I allways want to be honest with her. The mixed message Mom gave my DD allways bothered me..."Do as I say and not as I do"..and "This is what is suppossed to be, but I live a different set of rules", was the main reason I stayed through it all.

It wasn't rocket science, all W had to do was go somewhere to deal with her drinking and emotional issues, and Mom dragged God into it, and waited for God to do more miracles, so she could belive again He was real. Its called "hyperspirtuality", and it is yet another addiction, when you don't really believe. I would have rather she were balanced, or unbalanced and worshipped AA, but DD doesn't have to learn that from me, some things she has to figure out for herself in her own time.

As Men, we have to be strong, and even when we are falling apart, our children must see us as such, even when they know we are dieing inside. What we do along with what we say, shows them the stability they need, and they will look for in the men in thier lives. Women respect and look for strength and stability in men, or they try to be that for the men they are with. What kind of man do you want them to look for? Its best when the Man is in that position of authority, and is not afraid, they lean on that.

I think that's part of my DD's issue right now.....DD is devoted to her Mom but DD sees that Mom violates her marital vows and has also lied about it REPEATEDLY.


My Wife too. UGH!
My Wife is going to crash if she doesn't wake up.


My Wife dragged our DD into this problem.....my DD knew about the affair a year ago......My Wife swore to DD that it was "Just a Friendship" and not an affair.....and my WW got DD to keep it secret from me.
So what do I do with that?!?!


My Wife does the SAME THING to our DD!!!
But I'm painted as the "Bad Guy" because I exposed the affair far and wide!!!


And as much as I would like to save my DD from some suffering.....I think that "Mom" is an issue that DD is going to learn the hard way.
And my DD WILL suffer badly from that lesson.


Staying strong for my DD is difficult.....VERY difficult.
DD has been repeatedly lied to by her Mom.
And even in the affair, even in the fog......WW believes she is a good Mom.
I don't get it!!!

We can only deal with people at a point where they are honest with us, to our face. That is a lesson I learned and taught my children early. I did not want them to fear what people thought, because popeple will belive whatever they want to if it suits them at the time.

WW was lieing, and no doubt has come up with a bunch of justifications for it to DD of why she lied. The most common is,"I was afraid of Dad",or "Nobody will understand, its different",(Or in other words,"I'm special")

In my case Bill, it became a battle for my childrens sanity, and as long as my W was refusing the live in the real world, I knew I had to prepare them to think for themselves, and prepare for the worse.

Ask her if you have the chance, "What do you see that people really respect out here in the real world?, Is it law and order? Truth and consequence? Who do they put in charge?" and then ask her if she believes there is an answer beyond what we humans try to do to make life better, and if that is not the authority we are trying to mimic.

She is thinking for herself now, and directing her questions is sometimes all that you can do. You can tell her who you are, and show her who you will allways be for her. Lifes big questions are in front of her now, let her be partake in them too. Just stay that stable Dad she can rest her head on.

My DD was 16 when the worst happened with her Mom, and it wasn't revealed for a couple years how much of an addict Mom was, but when it was, there was something that happened, that touched my heart.

WW was living with some half/azzed alcoholic coke head, whos only saving grace was that his parents had left him a house, and he held down a job. My DD was invited to thier house for dinner with her BF, and she told me about it later. WW was all excited and telling DD about how they,(WW and Dimwit) were going to get married and buy a house..DD very politely said,"Thats great Mom, but we will never be visiting you there". My DD loved my WW and considered her the most fantasic and deep women she ever knew at one time, and also her best friend, but she thinks for herself. My WW at one time WAS that person, but she was not anymore.

Teaching her to keep secrets and lies? Be there to pick DD up if she falls, and help her find her way out. You and I know there is much in life to embrace and enjoy and this drama will hinder her from it, but it need not keep her from it forever.

Help the DD through this is the best I can do......help her to understand right from wrong.....good from evil.....it sounds cliche' but it's true.
But I'm betting that Mom is using her to reinforce her fog.
I hope I'm COMPLETELY WRONG!!
I never wanted to be so wrong in my entire life!

"Don't forget that in addition to the lies that liars tell you, there are lies that liars tell themselves. After a period of time passes, the liars begin to believe their own lies, even if their "memory" of events contradicts all logical thinking. Never forget: if they don't succeed in convincing you, they will convince a far more gullible subject, themselves."

Not sure where I read this, so apologies to whoever's words I am using. But this has stuck with me and helps me understand how the waywards justify their behaviour... I think they at times believe themselves. Hope if might help you in understanding WW Bill. When I start thinking about self-deception rather then only deceiving others, it really does make me feel pity for the waywards. Keep showing your daughter the good father you clearly are.

And I have actually started to believe that the last few weeks.....that I actually pity my Wife.
MY GOSH I LOVE THAT WOMAN!!
But she's throwing away 15 years of relationship!......and 12 years of Marriage!
She has a Husband who actually WANTS to get into recovery!!!!.....and she blame-shifts everything onto me and ignores my communications because she's mad that I exposed her!?!?!
So what am I to do BESIDES pity her that she is in such an ALIEN PHASE that she is self-deluding herself!
Time will show us the result.

BC, you are not alone in trying to understand "What the HELL happened to the woman I was married to for XX years?"

I am not psycho-trained. All I can tell you is what has been evident on this site for the almost two years I've been here, and the eight months on another site.

WWs apparently have a "switch" in their processor that WHs do NOT have. Once a "threshhold" quantity of combined dissatisfaction with the BH and new satisfaction from the OM is reached, the switch closes, and is damned difficult for the WW to process that what she's doing - the cheating, lying, and infidelity - is WRONG. Somehow, that psycho-switch translates her bizarre behavior into, "I'm right; everyone else is wrong; they don't understand; my life with BH was a mistake/lie; my true future lies with an illicit coupling with OM."

Like the speed of light being the constant that causes all other physical science to conform, this new "reality" has the power to re-write history, re-orient actions and impulses, and reduce absolute responsibilities (like child care) to details to be molded to what she needs NOW.

Proof of the awesome power of this psychic fault-line? Imagine five years ago - Could you have envisioned your wife leaving your family, to go shack up with OM, essentially abandoning her life with you after all you did together to resolve the custody of her daughter/your stepdaughter?

I like solving puzzles, but the answers I derive for the "Why is this happening so much now?" will stay private, because kicking over the sacred cow of "female equality" is an exercise in masochism that I choose to avoid. Sadly, you, in company with a LARGE group of BHs, have been caught in this whirlwind not of your making.

"I like solving puzzles, but the answers I derive for the "Why is this happening so much now?" will stay private, because kicking over the sacred cow of "female equality" is an exercise in masochism that I choose to avoid"

RE: I can solve the puzzle, and I'm not afraid to say the non-PC words.

Women want to be protected and coveted and feel safe, and men want to protect and covet and provide safety. When we as a society lost pride and value in those needs as if they are weaknesses versus strengths, we crapped out.


This is why I love MB.

Or, we can just blame Helen Reddy. One other comment:

"Somehow, that psycho-switch translates her bizarre behavior into, "I'm right; everyone else is wrong; they don't understand; my life with BH was a mistake/lie; my true future lies with an illicit coupling with"

WW are very different from WHs in this way...WWs belive that they WILL leave BHs.

Am I wrong?