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I started having an emotional affair with a neighbor friend for about 1 year before it turned more serious. My husband hasn't been there emotionally or physically do to job hours. I simply became just friends with someone handsome seperated and going through a slow divorse process who's kids are good friends with ours. We mostly got to know each other through texting. He let his guard down. Filled me in on all his life problems with his family, ect... I started to really get to know him and eventually felt close enough and told him my feelings for him. Thoughed he would say I was crazy but just laughed. Sex was casually talked about. Our topics turned private and then focused on us. We eventually swapped bad pictures and I ended up calling him over one night. It didn't go all the way but became intimate. I've told my husband and we are tryng to make everything better between us. This OM moved. I still occationally see this man at school and still struggle getting him out of my head. I miss his friendship and him. How do I forget him when I can't stop thinking about him? I'm trying to repair my marriage but I struggle with thinking about him. Kind advice needed.
. I still occationally see this man at school and still struggle getting him out of my head. I miss his friendship and him. How do I forget him when I can't stop thinking about him? I'm trying to repair my marriage but I struggle with thinking about him. Kind advice needed.
What you do is you stop seeing him. Every time you see him puts you back to day 1 of recovery. I would make plans to take your kids out of that school and end contact for life, even if you have to move. Hopefully you don't let your kids play together anymore.
Can you bring your husband here?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
p.s. you do realize that you have very poor boundaries around men? That is the reason you had the affair. And you will have more if you don't tighten up your boundaries.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Definition of friendship = someone who doesnt callously destroy your marriage and treat you like a whoure
Definition of love = A man who is willing to forgive what you have done and fight for his marriage.
Might I ask you to Email that to my Wife? Title it "HEY!! Wake Up!!!
BH(Me)= 55 WW(Her)=43 DD=24 (My step-daughter, been raising her since the age of 8, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!) Married=13 yrs Together=16.5 yrs THIS IS MY STORY WW moved out of the home = May 1,2011 D-Day=July 4, 2011 Dear Wife: I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you!.....as of Aug-2012 forget that last part....Good Luck to you and GOODBYE!! "Mourn the woman she was. Know the woman she is."
Men many times do actions such as working long hours for their families. This IS a way of showing love.
You returned his love by justifying a reason to have an adulterous relationship with a man you found handsome. (your words) You justified his working long hard hours when you were doing what???
My response is truthful. Some might call it kind, because it is truthful, but i'll not pad anything I write.
You repaid your husband who IS WORKING FOR YOU and the family all the time and you're an affair with a cowardly man? A nearby cowardly man?
If you wanted to forget this pos, then here's my advice.
1)FOLLOW MB PRINICPLES IMMEDIATELY. 2)NC for life 3)If your family needs money this bad, then YOU go get a part time job so your husband is home more to meet your needs.
You don't get to have your cake and eat it too. You do not get to sit home and eat bon bons or cupcakes and while he's gone,cheat on your husband who is out working hard...sounds like he may be working even TWO jobs in this tough economy.
Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right. ~Jane Goodall
Men many times do actions such as working long hours for their families. This IS a way of showing love.
You returned his love by justifying a reason to have an adulterous relationship with a man you found handsome. (your words) You justified his working long hard hours when you were doing what???
My response is truthful. Some might call it kind, because it is truthful, but i'll not pad anything I write.
You repaid your husband who IS WORKING FOR YOU and the family all the time and you're an affair with a cowardly man? A nearby cowardly man?
If you wanted to forget this pos, then here's my advice.
1)FOLLOW MB PRINICPLES IMMEDIATELY. 2)NC for life 3)If your family needs money this bad, then YOU go get a part time job so your husband is home more to meet your needs.
You don't get to have your cake and eat it too. You do not get to sit home and eat bon bons or cupcakes and while he's gone,cheat on your husband who is out working hard...sounds like he may be working even TWO jobs in this tough economy.
Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right. ~Jane Goodall
Pepperband, yes I viewed the video. Thank you. It makes sense. The OM has moved away so the only chance to run into him would be occationally at our childrens school. I passed him yesterday while he had his back turned and I never said anything. We cannot take our kids out of the best school and make them suffer. His kids are still next door with his seperated wife. We can't punish the kids and tell them they can't play anymore. OM knows it was a mistake, don't believe he has feelings for me, he never once said. He made sure the flirting stopped after that night when it became more serious. By then I had feelings for him so I struggled with it. Then I struggled with NC after he moved because it was cold turkey. I do feel like a horrible person to do this to a great man, my husband who I love a lot. I have a question for you. I felt like my hsband and I were growing apart. IS that only because I was developing feelings for someone else? How can I develope feelings for someone else if married? I have a hard time forgiving myself for treating my husband that way and bringing him so much pain. I prayed a lot in the begining to get this OM out of my head but he never left my head and I liked his attention and felt close to him and stopped praying because I liked the feeling his friendship gave me. Now I struggle because I let my selfishness get there. But I don't really see him anymore and I'm trying to repair the damage.
. We cannot take our kids out of the best school and make them suffer. His kids are still next door with his seperated wife. We can't punish the kids and tell them they can't play anymore
You are punishing your kids by exposing your marriage to this risk. Your kids can recover from changing schools, they can't recover from your upcoming divorce that will result from your continued contact with the OM. It is impossible to recover your marriage under these conditions.
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I have a question for you. I felt like my hsband and I were growing apart. IS that only because I was developing feelings for someone else? How can I develope feelings for someone else if married
How can you develop feelings for someone else while married? By allowing some other man to meet your needs. You allowed another woman's husband to meet your needs so, of course, you grew apart from your husband and developed feelings for that woman's husband. You have very poor boundaries around men, that is what the problem is.
Can you please send your husband here? He is in danger and probably does not understand that. We need to speak to someone who is not fogged out.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Pepperband, yes I viewed the video. Thank you. It makes sense. The OM has moved away so the only chance to run into him would be occationally at our childrens school. I passed him yesterday while he had his back turned and I never said anything.
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But I don't really see him anymore and I'm trying to repair the damage.
You just saw him yesterday... Is there more contact? Do you email him? Speak to him on the phone?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
. His kids are still next door with his seperated wife.
Does the OM's wife know you had an affair with her husband? Does she understand you are part of the problem?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
I started having an emotional affair with a neighbor friend for about 1 year before it turned more serious. My husband hasn't been there emotionally or physically do to job hours. I simply became just friends with someone handsome seperated and going through a slow divorse process who's kids are good friends with ours. We mostly got to know each other through texting. He let his guard down. Filled me in on all his life problems with his family, ect... I started to really get to know him and eventually felt close enough and told him my feelings for him. Thoughed he would say I was crazy but just laughed. Sex was casually talked about. Our topics turned private and then focused on us. We eventually swapped bad pictures and I ended up calling him over one night. It didn't go all the way but became intimate. I've told my husband and we are tryng to make everything better between us. This OM moved. I still occationally see this man at school and still struggle getting him out of my head. I miss his friendship and him. How do I forget him when I can't stop thinking about him? I'm trying to repair my marriage but I struggle with thinking about him. Kind advice needed.
Originally Posted by sunnysunshine
His kids are still next door with his seperated wife.
sunnysunshine. It sounds like OM was still living at home with his family when the EA started. And that OM has since moved after the A began.
Are you being honest with us here?
Were you also pretending to be the friend of this OM wife? Are you still pretending to be her friend?
We can't help you if you aren't honest with us.
ME: BW HIM: FWH Married 18 yrs DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
I wonder if she was instrumental in breaking up this family. Can you give us more details?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Is there more contact? Do you email him? Speak to him on the phone?