Then I struggled with NC after he moved because it was cold turkey..
Its good that you recognise your feelings for him as addiction and recognise the need for cold turkey. Well done.
I passed him yesterday while he had his back turned and I never said anything.
But this is not cold turkey, is it? Not so well done. You are within sight and sound of your addiction. You did interact. He read your body language. You read his. You were probably getting a kick of adrenaline when this happened. You re-analysed the scene on the way home. It is akin to an alcholic warming some brandy and then sticking his nose over the jar to smell - oh but he didnt drink it, YET.
How can I develope feelings for someone else if married? .
Easy. By allowing it! (You might as well ask how someone becomes obese when they clearly dont really need or want that much food.)
OM says nice things. Its sorta like a bite of cake. Not very important to you, but nice. Breaks up the day. Stops you feeling bored.
OM listens to you. A different cake today. Why not take a bite?
OM seems pleased when you say nice things to him. Cake all over both faces by this point.
Flirting and downright disgustingly inappropriate things about sex are mentioned. In a way you would never have dreamed of on the first day of meeting him. But it keeps the cake coming, GALLONS of it.
After cake with the OM, your real appetite for healthy, tasty food is totally destroyed. After gorging on sugar and icing, you have no real regard for your h's fillet mignon.
By this time you start to notice the effect of your cake gorging. The calories have added up. You are so grotesquely fat you arent you anymore. You cant do the things you used you. You have no energy and are so irritable with everyone.
You thought you could indulge in a little harmless ego-boosting with OM -but you didn't count the calories.
Like calories, love bank units add up until they control you, not the other way around.
If you spent all your time with Hitler, and he was charming and said thngs that made you happy - you would have feelings for him.
The calories of what you DO eat count up no matter what you have in your freezer at home. You are what you eat.
Get it?