It feels good to be able to help alittle even thoug I don't think we are getting the full truth over there. At least the help will maybe help someone else is how im thinking of it.

Im doing ok, we are counting the days when we can have our business open and can work full time together. We are going on a long vacation September 5th to 13th then working one more week at our jobs and then we are done. I have turned in my notice but his job is one of those you turn in and they tell u to go on home.
It is something we both love and is not as time constructive so we can have more UA tome during the week. Right now it is mostly weekends and I start to feel it toward the end of the week.

Openness is still an issue but I can tell he is working on it. He grew up where you never told anyone how you felt and it will take awhile to get over that.

Typing on my phone so please forgive the typos on my posts. Little keys and big fingers.

Breakthrough !
This is an example openess that I needed.

I have headaches alot and this stress brings them on more. I have been to several doctors and many tests and they say they are just stress headaches and just give me something to knock me out.

I had one last night and felt really bad about having to take something and lay down leaving my husband to take care of the house and dogs. I expressed for the 100th time "I'm so sorry I'm sick so much and I hate to have to have you take care of everything" The guilt over this makes me just about as sick as the headache itself.

He has always said "it was ok and he would take care of me" but I FINALLY get out today "I dont mind taking care of you. It actually makes me feel good to know I can"

He wants to feel needed. I CAN DO THAT!

Ok question. We have a 3rd phone on our plan that we recently took away from our DSS that moved back in with his mom. I was checking the phone bill and noticed this phone had some data usage on it in the last few days. I thought that was funny because we had set it on the side table and had not used it.

Well I come home and it is not on the table. I asked husband if he knew where it was and he said no..... remember we had a case of the lost A phone in between the d-days. The usage is so small it could even be updates but I would have thougt it would be.dead.by now.

Any advice? Should I just move the number to a spare phone I have in hand and forget it?

Why is the number still active? If you anticipate returning the phone to DSS in the future, then maybe have the line suspended until that time. That way DSS can have the same number when the phone is returned to him and re-activated.

Watch for the phone to re-appear and then grab it and put it some place where it cannot be found.

P.S I get those headaches too and always felt guilty about leaving DH to fend for the kids and himself after a long day at work. I never thought that maybe it made him feel good to take care of us. I think you have something there ... thanks.

I just had the number moved to my old phone. The contract is not up for anouther year so we had the number changed and left it at the house. I will be taking this one to work with me so it can't get "lost". The old phone does not require a data plan either so cheaper that way.

LuvsDavid,

I saw your post on hbsteve's thread about trying to find OWH name.

You can go to the county clerk's recording office and get the owners name of any property. It is a nominal fee for the service (if any). They never ask why you want it or even bat an eye.

Good luck in your search.

I tried that. They must rent becuase the owner is a 90 year old man that I cant trace back to them at all. He is several states away. I even tried her car plate #s. Cant get his info just her family that does not care. It's all about her and her happiness.

I even signed up on classmates.com under another name becuase she had her high school listed. She is supposed to be moving out in a month (according to facebook) I plan on going by the house in a few weeks and see if I can catch him home and her moved. Even if she is not with him he needs to know. If I can see that she has moved, I will send him a letter in the mail if he is not home.

Argh!!!! Why can I not get it out of my head that HE POSTED FOR WOMEN ON CRAIGSLIST AND PLENTY OF FISH?

every time I read a story of howan affair started .... talking to someone you know....didn't mean for it to happen....she was just a friend. My brain keeps jumping back to the fact that MINE DID MEAN IT! He was looking for an affair.

There is simply no other explaination for it. I think this running around in my brain is stalling recover big time.

We are trying to get back to the plan but im withdrawn alot.

And the solution to this is? (Quiz time!)

I know...just stop it. I think im going to have to take a break from the board because other peoples story triggers me but I don't want to lose the good advice.

You aren't alone in this.

Also, it's less of a "just stop it."

The solution is to adhere to the MB policies; The Policy of Joint Agreement, The Policy of Radical Honesty, and - most importantly - the Policy of Undivided Attention.

One thing I am personally beginning to strongly advocate is finding exciting activities to share during UA.

Do some looking, and find some local activities that are free, or low-cost. I know in my city there are several inexpensive dance classes which are often followed by dances.

This provides an opportunity to do something; new, exciting, sustainable.

It also involves music, which is a highly bonding subject for people.

I dont think I could ever get my husband drunk enough to want to dance.

We are going to Vegas and out to CA where he grew up in 2 weeks and will be out there for 10 days so I'm looking forward to that.

We like to hike and site see so we have been going to the gym 3 times a week for the past month so I can do more without getting so tired. (I'm way out of shape but not really overweight)


Also planning a day trip to the Grand Canyon while there.

We are still working on getting a MB plan set in stone. That is our biggest hold up. I dont think he understood how important it was and now he is getting it.

I am with you there LuvsDavid. Sometimes it just brings it all back with a powerful force. But I can't stay away because these people are wise beyond words.

The vacation sounds great. I love the west ... especially the desert.

Ok,here is the update.

We have been back from Vacation for a week now. Still not finished with the building to get the business started so I'm still working part time from home on my old job. They didnt replace me even after me giving a 2 month notice.

FWH got fired from his job a few days before we left, (problems with a co-worker) so I was way triggered for the few days he was here alone. The A started when he was out of work last year for a hurt shoulder and I was working during the day. He said he felt like he was not worth anything and looking for someone to give him a "boost".

The second day I found where he had been clicking on the "random pictures" as the bottom of his hobby forumn, said it didnt mean anything but somehow they were all of half naked women in sexy poses. I told him that bothered me, he said that he never thought it would and I told him that he needed to think more. If any of those people that he had clicked on had been from around here, I would not have even asked questions, he would have been out.

He just does not think sometimes. (I know, DJ but I didnt say that to him)

On my side, I'm still triggered every day (even 2000 miles away). I think I'm going back into withdrawl becuase even when we are together I feel lonely sometimes. I want us to make it work but I'm just out of energy to do it.

We have done the EN questions but it does not seem to be helping. I think my Love bank was so empty when we started. I made a chart kinda like a thermometer listing mine and his love bank so we can monitor our progress, and his is way higher than mine.

Thinking about the A all the time drains it faster than he can re-fill it and I cant fix it.

To top that off, we are hitting the year mark of when it all happened and that makes me think of it more.

I feel like I should not be feeling like I do now. I feel like I should be more "in love" with him now and I'm not.

Because we are both unemplyeed, we cant do the online course now but I think that would help as we are stuck. I have to keep what we have on the credit cards for just in case. He is looking for a temp job untill we can open the business and I'm still working part time but that will not last long.

Anyway, that is where I stand. I'm not going to take away the internet because that is how Im working from home and if I have to go that far, the M is not worth saving. I will never feel safe if I have to keep taking away things. He has to have his boundries set and follow them without me leading him by the nose.

I am so sorry for you!. I dont know what to say other than i can understand some of your feelings.

He needs a smak (DJ sorry). But maybe you need to get tougher and say it this or the highway and hes need to jump on board asap, beacuse you can do this alone.

i have felt the same way, H is working very hard but i feel like i am draging him along. I explained that i needed him to be more enthusiastic/excited and passionate about this. he agreed and in the 2 days he has been doing so.

Why dont you "plan A" him for a few days.

Chickadee1 you can do it My husband cheated on me and you can survive. I read my bible a lot and pray but he was confronted and I told his parents that was a blow out and a half. We are in martial counseling now and he works in Brazil so It does get better. If your questioning what he does on the computer see about paying for and installing a keylogger so you can see where he has been while he is surfing the web. He wont be able to see it and its worth the money I spent to get it. He needs to be held accountable for his actions. Hope this helps

Im 2 steps away from plan FU i have a keylogger on his droid that works most of the time. That is how I saw he was looking at the pictures. He didn't deny it when asked and I asked him if there was anything else on here that would upset me..... he said no but when I looked at his history on the phone thy were deleted. In other words if I didn't have the logger I would not have know.

THAT UPSET ME. If he didn't think it would bother me he would not have deleted them.

Question....does anyone know if a droid deletes random web history? He said he was willing to take a poly to prove he didn't delete them.

I came on to bed and left him in the livingroom. I just can't tell when he is telling the truth anymore.

Yes, the droid has gotten a lot of complaints from consumers for the random deletion of custom ringtones and web history.

Don't pay for a polygrapher just yet. But don't quit snooping.

Now go get David off the couch.