Ah the fog... it allows the wayward to excuse themselves from any responsibility or wrongdoing... it is all BS's fault!

I doubt it finah... she thinks she is in love with another man, but really she is in love with the feelings OM gives by meeting certain EN's. My WH has abandoned me for OW who he had known two months at work... two months is not enough time to establish true, meaningful, lifelong love. Well, not IMO anyway.


You're right, being totally dark is not easy. And it does seem to have some impact on your WW. Just remember not to peek to see what the impact is. It is no longer your problem. Even though you may burn with curiousity (as I have and still do), remember what curiosity did to the cat.

Something I am still getting my head around in Plan B..Darkness works for YOU, it is for YOUR recovery, with or without your wife. Yes, the odds are against her affair lasting, but that does not necessarily mean that she will have the remorse and commitment needed for recovery... or that you will still be prepared to commit to recovery if and when she is ready.

Finah, you haven't mentioned an IM... You do have one right?

And what strategies do you have in place for if she tries to make contact? Or when you are tempted to contact her?

Caracal-
�
I read most of your sitch, you have come along way, you are strong and should be proud.
�
Yes I have a IM in place, a mutual friend/acquaintance
�
If she does try and make contact w/ me, I'll block her email or change mine.� Not a big deal.� As for cell phone, I can block that as well.�
�
When I am tempted to contact her, I write emails, then I delete them.� Makes me feel as if " I told her "� But really that is not the problem, it's when she contacts me, thats what I have to be careful about and I suspect she will try b/c I have told her in the past, please don't contact me.� Now I'll implement some safe guards for the time being. (email filter, silence her calls and texts) if she breaks those I'll go more drastic.
�
Right now IC thinks WW is drowning and every so often she calls out and there I go or there my mom goes to save her, need to stop that.
�
I get it, dark dark dark, no peaking.

You'll have to be aware of that.

WW may try the "I need to go to the hospital and you need to take me" route.

ABW3 (abandonedwith3) had a WW who did that. Just something to keep in mind.

She all ready did something weird like that on Wednesday the last I spoke w/ her before I sent a plan B letter. Currently our dogs are split. Well apparently a neighbor thought they saw the
other dog, that I have, running around in our yard. So WW starts texting
me then my mom. My mother finally responded and said the dog was safe
at home with her.

I was dropping something off at the house and told her I wanted to
talk about those TM she sent, as WW was not home, which I thought was strange considering she still thought the dog was missing or something.� She seemed frantic.�I live 10-15 minutes
away from our house, why in the world would my/our dog be there lost
running around did she not think I would call her if something like
that happened?

I dunno my mother and I thought it was bizarre b/c she hasn't been
concerned about them since we split. And she was still sending TM's to me
after the fact wanting to know what I wanted to talk about, is the dog
okay blah blah. When my mother all ready told her.

When I finally did talk to her she was just strange about that whole situation, you had to be there.�
�
Just b/c I am bored.
�
me: why would our dog be here lost?�
ww:�I don't know��
me: don't you think I would call you if I lost him here and be looking for him here?
ww: yes�I just didn't know�if it was him or not�
me: WW you know the neighbors across the street just got a dog like�6 months ago that looks exactly like our dog.�
ww: I know I was just.... I don't know I was worried b/c of what you wrote
me: b/c I wrote I wanted to talk about your tm's you were sending ?, you seemed frantic I was concerned about you.
ww: I was just worried I don't know, the�neighbors said he was responding to his name and everything
me: he loves people why would he just run around and not go to them?
ww: (??? looking puzzled)
�
Who knows if that whole thing even really happened.�

Hey atleast her and posom are using birth control now, iud. I guess before it was just you know gods will or something, sometimes pull and pray and well other times yeah not so much.

Found out Sunday when she was spilling the beans.

Honestly what runs through their mind, crazy crazy

oh the gifts just keep on giving....new update in a bit

Sometimes it feels like it never ends, doesn't it? Just when you think it's safe to come out...


CV

Oh yes they do, just when I think it's going to quiet down.
�
My Mother, who has practically raised my WW and has lived w/ us since her senior year in HS, she was checking to see if my WW actually filed D�online.� She found it, no contest divorce or something another, doesn't matter.�
�
So I am talking to my mother and she was like did anything happen Sunday or Wednesday while you were at the house?� I'm like ummm no, just what I told you, we hugged a lot, she was kissing me but no nothing else why?
�
WW filed a RO against me, RO as in restraining order
�
I didn't know what to think, my first thought was god she is so messed up.
�
My mother flew off the handle.� Called my WW up asking what is going on with all this.
�
WW had no idea or pretended to have no idea, said her lawyer dropped off papers she signed them blah blah.
�
WW reasoning was she didn't want me dropping by the house whenever I wanted b/c you know that wouldn't be fun for her affair.� But her L never mentioned RO to her.
�
Regardless that my name is the mortgage and deed, regardless that a lot of my stuff is still there.
�
WW was upset, crying, yeah poor you.
�
Once again FINAH, with a heart of gold apparently came in to calm her down and talk to her for about an hour.� Dumb Dumb Dumb
�
Said she was going to drop the D, drop the RO, I said if this is the way you are going to go about it, given what has happened,�I'd rather grant�a 30 day dissolution & save myself the headache.
�
Still trying to convince me she didn't know what she was signing, L never mentioned that word......whatever seriously WW.
�
I'm highly considering just cutting her loose and walking, her current state, is just....it's borderline insane
�
My mother still wants to go over there and lay into her...who knows, doesn't matter really to me at this point, I can't control my mother.
�
FINAH is doing one of a couple things
�
1.� Remain friendly through the dissolution and just cut her loose and we shall see later if she wakes up and decides to come back to the real life.
2.� Picking up and just moving somewhere warm....I have no real ties here except my mother and father, my career isn't serious,�I do have a sister in North Carolina where I could go.
�
Just thinking aloud, I am considering option 2 and have been for awhile.� WW knows this and constantly asks me about it.� If the M does ever recover or even the relationship, it's not going to work when OM is literally in the same city as us.� Our city is fairly big, but I wouldn't trust her the first year maybe 2.� And I would get a fresh start, I heart southern girls and I am way too good looking to sit around and wait.� I need to make a move to show I am dead serious.� I keep on letting her drag me back in, knowing that I am there for her.� She needs a very hard dose perhaps an overdose on reality pills.
�
�
�
�
�
�
�

Srsly someone hit me with a 2x4. I let myself get dragged back in everytime.

I'm done with it.

Be strong. don't give in!

CV

I needed that thank u

Hang in there Finah. Have you considered a polygraph for your W?

CV

I would if she would enter recovery or reconcile

last sunday was the first time in a couple months she has even talked about ending things and going to MC and IC

then she went all crazy the next day

Ah. Understood. I would push for it as soon as sanity peeps it's head out

finah, I've been following your sitch. I've got to tell you, I think if you could buckle down and do a serious Plan B with your WW, you might be able to get her home. I think she's on the fence and is thisclose to dumping OM.

1. He's going over the top, talking about them having kids, growing old together, etc. I suspect he is sensing her reluctance to really cut things off with you, so he's painting a rosy picture in order to entice her to commit completely to him. This might be a little too much reality for her - that she's making decisions that will remove you from her life permanently. I think, in her head, her future still includes you.

2. Each time you stiffen your spine and start to stand strong against her actions, she comes running. Clearly you are meeting many of her ENs, and OM can't fill the bill when you're not around.

I really think if you could gather some grit and really kick off a strong Plan B you would see significant results. That means NO CONTACT WITH HER. COMPLETELY DARK. I don't think your mother should be talking to her, either.

Thanks celtic & maritalbliss

That's the plan right now. The RO just threw us both for a loop.

Both my mother and I are worried and rightfully so, the massive swings in mood and the momentary fog clearing only to be sucked back in.

I think it's only a matter of time before something major happens, mental breakdown, anxiety attack, depression

WW has had some underlying depression and anxiety for awhile and this whole sitch has seemed to just magnify times a 100.

I expect it to get crazier.

Honestly I feel bad for her.

Who cries constantly and is happy? No one I know.

Have you been served notice of the RO? What is she alleging against you that requires an RO?

This could actually work in your favor, finah. This will force you into Plan B.

Finah, first off, thank you for those words. They have come on a day when I really needed them.

I have been reading up on what is happening for you, boy WW is sure keeping the coaster going isn't she? Now for some comments on your sitch...

Okay, great news, now have either you or WW actually used this IM? Think of WW as like one of your dogs, she needs to be trained in this. And you need to set the example.

I'll be honest, I wanted my WH to contact me in Plan B... still do, but now only if he is going to meet my conditions. I no longer want his crumbs. And I notice in this you say "if she does try". Why wait finah? Do it now. See, I actually don't think it is important if WW tries to contact you or not, what is important is that YOU know you have blocked access to you. Once I changed my mobile number, an important shift happened in my thoughts... I stopped jumping every time the phone rang, hoping against hope it was WH. Besides, it makes your Plan B so much darker, as you don't know if WW is trying to contact you. But meanwhile if WW does try to contact BUT CAN'T, she will realise how serious, how dark, you have become... because you make clear that you are no longer prepared to accept her crumbs.

Finah, can you see there are still cracks in your Plan B that will let WW see the light? This is a trickle Plan B, where each time your WW gets some sort of contact, she also sees that you are not fully committed to no contact and so she has no real need to end the affair... remember, she is wayward, and as such her thinking is skewed.

Bravo, NOW follow through! You have some good strategies in place to get you trhrough any temptation to contact her, use them!

Sadly Finah, it seems your WW is truly going to have to hit rock bottom. IMO she seems to view you as her KISA, not the posom. It is you she runs to when she wants rescuing. And by always being there, you are in some way rescuing her from the full consequences of her affair. Don't. I know this is difficult, just this weekend a friend's comment triggered a response in me that made me want to check my WH is okay, because I now believe if the affair does collapse, my WH has no support in UK and has isolated himself from support in Aus. But after a stern talking to myself, I realise that protecting WH from the consequences is in a way enabling him. He has choices, and one of those is adhering to Plan B conditions, following the directions I have given him to reach the light.

Finah, I am really sorry about the RO business, it must add to the betrayal. I agree with MB, use this to force you into Plan B and stick with it. Don't give her any ammunition to use against you.

For what it is worth, my brother's XWW went down this route, but couldn't come up with any evidence so it didn't go anywhere. I didn't know about Dr Harley at the time, but he really should have entered Plan B. Instead he recorded all conversations and any meetings took place at police station. Plan B would have been more effective in protecting him from further accusations, his very very wayward XWW and a mean OM.

He is, big turn off to her, he should know better lol.

She is still fused to me, emotionally, she has no clue how to let go. She knows this, but it hasn't registered yet b/c I can't do a proper plan B.


You know, I thought about that. I'm like if your always a wreck where the F is OM at to console you. What a joke. OM is scared of me which makes me feel better and boy if I ever need to I have some bombs I could drop on him, something no man would ever want to hear from a woman.


Totally agree, alas easier said then done, but I am pretty pissed off about the RO so that should help. haha