Agreed there are some holes in my Plan B. As soon as I get the RO & D dropped. I will take your advice and leave nothing to chance, change email, change phone #. No half measures.

I may even take it one step further and move out of state.

Agree though, she will have to hit rock bottom. I think its months away, could be longer could be never who knows. IMO WW are more unstable, they really lack the ability to compartmentalize so when there is spill over it really gets to them.

As in your WH he is just able to separate his thoughts better or at least tries to. But you know what I am talking about. The dominoes are being set up. One flick, one mishap, their life just starts to spin out of control.

Really the RO, yeah it stings. But seriously whatever. I have never seen someone file a RO and two days later say ILY. Though my WW is blonde. lol

It just proves my point. She is lost, can't tell up from down right now.

I thought maybe she is just scared to hurt me and that is why she is doing all this weird crap. Doesn't add up, she has always pined so hard for my attention. Perhaps it was POSOM's idea, who knows, doesn't matter, it wont' go anywhere.

I do know this. I see a lot of people recommend No Mr. Nice Guy.

That isn't me, never has been, but I have taken a lot of crap from her over the past few months so perhaps it applies.

I am very much an alpha male, not afraid of confrontation, I will tell you to go F yourself to ur face if you push me, just the way I am. Strong, confident.

And I have had it w/ this, really have.

Early on in this. I told her to get the F out, I don't want her, go to OM, I'll pack your bags and drop you off.

She wouldn't go.

Conclusion.....need to get my mojo back. And Plan B like a mofo.

You know finah, I did wonder if your WW may have filed for RO to get a response from you after you re-entered Plan B. I think it was MB who raised the WW who used needing to go to hospital to get a reaction. Maybe your WW is needing a reaction, negative or not, like the kid who is trying to get mum's attention will sometimes just keep escalating the behaviour until mum finally cracks...

Regardless of her reasons, you know what you have to do... And I don't think you should wait until after the RO is dropped. Why should this matter? Your IM and a lawyer can deal with this. If you reward the naughty kid with attention for the bad behaviour, what happens?

Hey, so am I! Careful on the blonde jokes finah!
Maybe at this point I shouldn't add that I managed to set my friend's kitchen alight yesterday by placing the electric kettle on the gastop... but I blame that on my lack of sleep, NOT my hair colour! And at least it gave us a lot of laughs after we managed to put it out!

I don't know, I really don't. My mother called her to see what the problem was and she was fine. I knew WW was not fine. I called maybe 5 minutes later, no pick up, she calls back and can barely talk b/c she had been crying.

To get a reaction...probably....

This past week is as crazy as I have ever seen her.

Even when she told me she filed for D, she didn't tell me when she was being all WW to me.

She told me when she was less foggy,lol if that makes sense, when I was vulnerable and knew it would upset me. And then she gets upset when she sees me upset. But when she is all WW on me she has this wall up and of course the stuff that vomits from her mouth is just funny, it's not even hate filled it's just irrational thought after irrational thought. It's like bizarro world, we all know.



Again ur right, it shouldn't matter. It's just me being a baby about what she might do if she knows she can't get a hold of me.

And when that day comes that will be interesting and should be a fun filled post.

If I posted all the crazy weird stuff she has done this thread would be 60 pages long of just me talking to myself.

The stuff she would tell me about her life, even about POSOM, would blow your mind. Now I am being serious no joke I sit there and LOL in her face. And she is always like why are you laughing at me?

WTF? I can't believe you are sitting here telling me this.

Story of her life......she literally has no one in it. Just her and POSOM.





lol, I kid I kid

On a more serious note. Caracal it will be plan B, complete darkness I promise.

It's hard not to poke fun at my WW, but I do feel sorry for her, she has had it tough.

My W and I grew up together, lived together under my parents roof when my mom practically adopted her in HS b/c her parents were never there for her, she is all I know, literally all I know.

It's sickening, both of our families are well off, you want to know how many times her parents called to see where there 16 year old daughter was at 4, 5, 6 am in the morning on school nights & weekends?

Zero.

Want to know how many times her parents called my mother or father to wonder why there daughter was never home, wasn't eating and physically depressed?

Zero.

Want to know what her parents did when she graduated HS?

Got her an apartment and bolted out of state.



^^ That will hurt anyone, I don't care who you are.



So you can see my concern. As much as it hurts me. I will always be there for my WW in some shape or form even if she D's me even if we never reconcile.

I won't abandon her like everyone else has.

Finah, I really hope your WW wakes up. I just worry that if you continue to be her KISA whilst she is wayward you will delay the waking up if she wakes up at all. Because in some sense she does not need to change when you are there to comfort her when she is upset over her behaviour, your behaviour, POSOM, the weather, her cold coffee, errr, you get the point.

Sometimes rock bottom is where the WS needs to be, with no-one there to rescue them, to comfort them, so they can actually see they are alone, and have no one to blame but themselves. Hopefully the wayward then asks themselves the question on what do I need to change to not be alone. I think that in your situation there is a lot of hope as your WW seems to be nearing rock bottom... and this could be the turning point. AND she views you as the KISA who could possibly save her from that loneliness.

I disagree with your views about abandonment... Plan B is NOT abandoning her, it is simply removing yourself from the drama and showing her what life without you will be like. Plan B gives her directions on how to find you again, how to find herself again. Because at the moment, your WW has abandoned herself, her morals, what she values.

My WH was 18 when we started dating, I was 16. We married at 24 and 22 respectively, with my husband asking my father's permission in the old-fashioned way. Moved to UK a year later. My husband's parents and brother tragically died a year after that, and we returned to Aus to live with my parents for just under a year before returning to UK. My parents have in a sense become my husband's foster parents. And he has chosen to give them up through his affair, as he can't face them due to his shame. But initially before I exposed, he was in contact with them and I think he believed the relationship with them, and me as his best friend, would be maintained.

I am also concerned that my WH has no-one if the guilt hits, if the affair fails. He has some work colleagues in UK, but no-one particularly close (prior to affair anyway). I was his sole support there, we both lived in a bit of a bubble.

But my reaching out to him at this point would also not do him any favours. Other then reinforce that he might be able to have OW, my parent's support and me as his best friend at some point in the future. Or worse (and what I think he thought at the beginning), that I would be option #2 in case things didn't work out with skank. Reaching out to him may prolong his current behaviour, enable it in some way.

I so wish my WH was nearing rock bottom...

IMO a dark Plan B is NOT abandoning the WS.. You have shown her the path back to you and the marriage via Plan B letter... she simply has to follow your directions.

That comment was probably taken out of context, I apologize.

I will still be in plan B. I do agree, it's not abandoning.

What I meant was later down the road, for instance she D's me, I move on and meet someone else.
And she is knocking at the door some day, I won't turn her away, I'll help her in any way I can.
I guess what I meant is the door will always be open. I can still love my WW from a distance and not in romantic sense, but act out of compassion.

Wow though are sitches are pretty similar. I will def. follow yours more closely and read it all this week.

I will say this. If my WW is anything like your WH and its pretty similar so I am sure it is. He does think about you, I promise, my WW said sometimes it was all she thought about even when she was w/ OM.
The A is not all crazy sex and roses and beautiful sunrises and sunsets that I can promise you.

WAKE UP WS'S!!!

There hopefully they both heard us.

But again you are strong Caracal it's inspiring esp. your plan B, gives me something to strive for.

Just saw this.

MB no idea on the RO, not the faintest clue, hasn't been served yet either.

Kind of looking forward to it to see wth it says.

changed email and cell

feel better all ready

Good for you!

Your IM is in place already?

CV

Amazing isnt it! Its like ahhhh, that better

It is funny....b/c I never noticed how much my heart does a pitter patter when I get an email or text or phone call.

IM is in place.

Thinking about re-exposing to the workplace.....looking back I don't think it really went anywhere above her supervisor who was in the process of leaving I guess, so I found out later from her.
�
Thinking aloud
�
Is there any benefit to this so late in the game?�
�
I will say I was surprised nothing really came of it, though my WW think it did prevent a promotion.
�
I remember WW telling me that they caught two people in a work place affair some time ago�and axed them both that day.... no judge no jury.
�
Will definitely send it certified mail but don't have any names......can I use generic headings?
�
For ex. Senior Director HR or VP Senior of Gen'l Counsel?
�
I mean I would assume they would open it.
�
I guess this time around�should I provide evidence or just a simple letter?
�
Then again the blow back of them losing their job would it just create a�massive amount of resentment in my WW?
�
She would be devastated, we would lose the house, she would lose her car......everything.
�
�
Don't know.� Personally I don't think at this stage it's my job to be handing out consequences.......life seems to be doing that pretty well for her so far.
�
I know her coworkers know as I don't think they are hiding their R from anyone.
�
Thoughts on re-exposure......I know I don't see any point in re-exposing to friends and family as everyone knows about the R........any success with re-exposing the workplace?
�
Just feels a little vindictive at this point.
�

Are they still working together? If so, and you don't think you did a complete exposure before, I would expose again. Let us see your exposure letter before you send it.

Call there and ask for the contact info of the top dogs. CEO, Owner of the company, Corporate attorney, etc.

Will do on the exposure letter, I'll work on it tonight. But yes they still work together, not actually together, but at the same place


We have been over this very early in my sitch so I apologize. My WW workplace deals with a lot of gov't contracts in the bio-medical field. Security is taken very seriously there. They will not give out any info like that I assure you. So I will have no choice to make it "general" unless I can find something online.

On a side note I was served this morning........yay

The things that were in it were really quite funny.

temporary and permanent spousal support....My WW earns double my salary...lol

she asking for all court fees, attorney fees etc...

the reason is the best one....Gross neglect and extreme cruelty and incompatibility

The RO was basically stating I can't remove any assets etc etc.

It looks like they tried to get the RO also based on from harassing, molesting and striking....but it wasn't approved by the judge.....

So the RO is pretty worthless considering all of our financials are separate and all my stuff that is left at the house is premarital so I am not worried about that.

Meet with my attorney next week.

Again my mother was none to pleased, she is pretty dead set on trying to scare the crap out of my WW when I respond.



I don't think this is going anywhere to be honest WW won't be able to go thru with it, would bet my life on it and it would drain her financially plus I put a dissolution back on the table as a way cheaper and better option.

Shhhh....thats a trick....I don't plan on giving her a dissolution...I just want this all dropped......b/c its 450 each time you file here....lol...so if she wants to refile she has to drop another 450.


Crazy pills are on sale somewhere though

Standard letter just modified a bit. Should I include any evidence. I do have an email between them discussing about hiding it from work.

To Whom It May Concern:
�
This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.
�
WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims and any other future legal dilemmas that this situation may present, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers and the interoffice instant messaging service, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.
�
I have retained legal counsel to help guide me through this process and I expect that this will be handled with the upmost care and discretion.� If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.
�
�
�
-BS
�
cc:� [Director of Gen�l Counsel, Legal]
����� [VP Senior Manager of Security]

Excellent. Make sure you send it certified mail so that a signature is required. The VP's secretary who opens his mail might be best friends with WW and decide to toss the letter.

good luck with the response.