You need to block these calls and texts. Block his number. Make sure your IM tells him that you will not receive his calls or texts and that contact needs to be with HER.

Thanks guys, plan B letter sent to the OW.

Is it ok to expose while I am in Plan B? Will try to get to OWs friends on facebook somehow.

If he wants to see the kids more often than what I have planned should I let him or should I be tough and stick to what I told in the plan B letter?

Hello,

I was going through the emails of WH and OW and this particular email has made me laugh and realize what their stupid affair is based on and has actually made me feel better about the whole thing. This is from OW to WH. So there it is any comments are welcome:

"I was thinking about your question this morning about....why I know that the love for my husband is over and I just have a lots of cares for him.....and while i was thinking about that i had these thoughts that I would like to share with you....

I was thinking...if I'm still feeling love for him...I was DESPERATELY waiting he calls me

If I was still loving him....I felt butterflies in my stomach when I heart his voice

If I was still loving him....I was thinking about to have sex with him 99% of my day

If I was still loving him...I wanted to hear his voice every minute

If I was still loving him...I was dreaming with him every day

If I was still loving him...I wanted to call him every second

If I was still loving him...I wanted to to end my day lying next to him laughing about something that happened to me during the day

If I was still loving him....I wanted him to tell me at all the time " I Love you"

If I was still loving him....those words could make my day turned to the most amazing day on my life

If I was still loving him....I needed to tell him "I love you" in every conversation that we had

If I was still loving him....I was murder if he wanted to go with another person

If I was still loving him...I was missing him like a hell

If I was still loving him....I was going to see him as soon as I had a little chance

If i was still loving him...I wanted to finish earlier from work to arrive at home and talk to him

If I was still loving him...I wanted to tell him everything that it's happening to me in my daily life

if I was still loving him....I needed his advices and taking his recommendations in account

If I was still loving him....I was missing his kisses as a hell

If I was still loving him....I was missing his touch...like if i was gonna crazy

If I was still loving him....every second without him will be like a year

If I was still loving him...his voice made me smile just to saying was'up...

If I was still loving him...I wanted to weak up every morning just seeing his smile

If I was still loving him...I needed him be part of my life as the person who represents me in front of the world

If I was still loving him...I was sharing with him all my personal experiences and histories

If I was still loving him....having sex with him should be the most spectacular things in the word

If I was still loving him....I was the most happiest woman in the word when I saw his number appering in the screen of my mobile

If I was still loving him...I wanted to falling asleep on his chest every night for the rest of my life

If I was still loving him....when I was alone I was thinking about how nice was the last time that we spent together

If I was still loving him....he meant the world for me...

Now I know why I can say that the love for my hunsband is over and has turned to a lot of cares.....

May be you cannot understand what those thoughts means for me but I just wanted to share them with you......"

If you expose in plan B, you need to have any reaction he has filtered through the IM. Instruct the IM to not pass along anything except what is essential to living (child info, financial info... him wanting to genuinely reconcile)

CV

ROFL I have a similar email.

Just a few comments.

1) If you are going into plan B you should not be reading this stuff. It will make it harder for you.

2) The only thing she murdered was the art of poetry. This might be the all time worst love letter I've ever read.


I'd ignore the letter, tuck it away unless you need it for evidence or in case it goes to divorce.

CV

It was truly bad, I must agree.

Is anyone literate anymore? Or is it just the mush brained waywards?

???WHHAAA???? :::cackle:::

That email reminds me of those pathetic Billy Jack flicks back in the 70s. Talk about terrible dialogue!

Livensi, she had nothing on you in the writing department!

Agreed!

Now quit reading those emails and triggering yourself!

Billy Jack: I'm gonna take this foot and put it on that side of your face--

THUMP!

Towny: Erp-a-derp

OW certainly does NOT have a way with words...Wow, my mind truly boggles over how waywards "romance" each other.

How is Plan B going? Has WH started using IM for contact? It is really important that the texting etc between you stops.

H's OW wrote several letters to H and vice versa. I found one OW had written to H and I copied it and sent it to OWH. OWH told me that OW had purchased a book about how to write love letters, but never wrote any to OWH. I don't have the letter any longer, but it had several sentences about "being the bedrock below the sand at the beach". If I were an English teacher, I would have guessed it to be about a 7th grade level of writing.

Oh, in one of H's letters, he wrote about how he felt like a schoolboy. Where's that thread, "Affairs are so high school"?

AM

Well I don't know about the poetry. Obviously she is not a native English speaker (so am I), but the "butterflies in the stomach" while speaking to your husband/wife is my favorite in the top 10 reasons for not loving them.

H is ignoring my IM and continues messaging me and calling me (I am going to block his phone number and email addrs). I do not pick up and I do not answer any of his messages. Yesterday he went and picked up the kid from the kinder garden and it was not his day. I got totally mad, what do I do when he ignores my rules???

Blocking his phone number and address is probably not going to be enough. You are going to need to change your phone number and email address.

How do you deal with him not following what you planned? Make it harder on him to NOT follow it. Also, you will need to get a custody arrangement set up. Until that is set, he isn't doing anything illegal when taking the children whenever he wishes. He also could keep them from YOU until you get a court order to get them back. Very damaging. And then, if he violates a court order, you would call the police.

Do you have everything set up for pick ups and drop offs?

BTW, it is very normal for a WS to avoid using IM. It's up to YOU to enforce this, and not talk to him, at ALL.

Just wanted to give little update on my situation.

I am keeping as dark as I can, but my H is really not letting me. For the last 5 days, the kid was sick and he was coming daily. He rings the bell and the kid happy that his dad is coming runs and opens the door. I hide in one room and he just overtakes the place. After few days like that and few messages to him from my IM to please not come like that, my anger poured out and I told him to get out and let me live my life, that he has 2 days in the week for the kids and he should follow this plan. He said he never agreed to this schedule and I told him he is leaving me no choice than to start the divorce and make this official. He refuses to talk to my IM, told her he will put her emails in autodelete and started talking to my mother instead.

They had a big talk on Saturday, he told her that noone can force him do things and he will do what he wants, he feels his personal freedom has been taken away and people are trying to control him. Said he will break it with the OW ONLY for the kids.

He is calling my mother daily to ask how was the night, how are the kids, to talk to her how his day has been....very weird, until now he did not like my mother very much and would not talk to her. Initially she was having some hopes for us after the conversation they had, but she is getting sick of his games and started to cut him off too.

After I sent the plan B letter to OW and then I spoke to their boss and told him I have kicked him out, cos he did not stop contact with the OW. IT seems his boss emailed him that he has not kept his end of the bargain and my H has self exposed their A at work officially (he sent an email to the OW's boss). I really don't know what he did or wrote.

I don't know what to do any more. Should I just try to forget the whole thing and move on as much as I can with my life, or should I try exposing on OW facebook freinds. Should I dig and check what my H wrote to OW's boss. I was thinking of sending OW's naked pictures to people in their company... I don't know if I should do that

Otherwise I am doing ok, I notice my hair has started falling down a lot and I have some other health issue I guess I will have to go and visit a doctor. I have started studying and am going to swimming...and thats keeping my sanity for now. But I am having lots of down moments, I feel so betrayed and unloved and just thrown in the garbage.It still hurts.

I have blocked his email, but he wrote this on my other email account:
"Hi,

I know its best I don't contact you now, but heard from your mother that you are going to college. Best wishes for lots of success from the bottom of my heart, I am sure you will do well!"

He is also constantly messaging me on my phone with similar txts, and those messages I know I shouldn't be getting them for my own good, but they make me feel he still cares and there is still hope and I guess for this reason I have not blocked his phone yet. They make me feel good for a moment or so, but I think on the long run they are dragging me back.

You are rewarding him, by letting him in.
Either put off the door bell and close the door with keys so your child will not open the door, or make sure you are not there at the times he will typically call.

Just go to the library with your child or to the pet zoo.
He is trying to control you. Having his fxxx and his family at the same time.

Exposure is done best if it is done all at the same time. Now that they know what your are up to they have had the chance to do it for you and to twist things so you look like a freak. That's why he exposed to OW's boss himself.

Look, you are either in plan A or plan B.
In plan A you take his crumbs and try to fill his love bank as much as you can, so that he has fond memories of you.

In plan B, you make sure you don't take his crumbs (text messages, e-mails and so on). He does not get to see you. He sees your child only if it is planned.
In plan B, your mother will either not speak with him, or she will tell him he can gladly contact her if he has broken off with OW and wants to reconcile with his family. She will tell him he should talk to the intermediary if he wants info. Period.
You either block his e-mails or make an autoreply which says not to contact you untill he has broken off with OW and Seriously wants to reconcile.

Don't take his crumbs. He is totally selfish and in the fog at this point.

You are not yet being serious enough with either exposure or Plan B and he is playing you like a fiddle, taking advantage of your weak points here. Half a plan is no plan at all. You cannot build half a fence around your flock, because they will run through the holes. Take another look at 'surviving an affair' and close the holes in your plan.

Good luck,

Happyheart

Thanks Happyheart,
Sometimes you just lose sight when you are inside the things, I think I have. Its really like a war, I just want it all over...I don't like playing nasty games with my own H, but I guess I don't have a choice.

This is not Plan B at all, livensi. This is Plan Let WH Do Whatever He Wants.

1. Change the locks.
2. Block his number on your cell phone.
3. Shut down all email accounts that he knows about.
4. Explain to your mother that, while you can't dictate who she chooses to speak with, you would like her to respect your wishes to tell you NOTHING about WH. Not that he's called her, or asked about you, NOTHING. Explain to her that it is extremely unhealthy and stressful for you to have any knowledge of his contacts with her.

I'd say more, but you've said it best:
GO DARK.

I have finally blocked everything possible from him - emails, phones and so. He does not have keys but he shows up whenever he decides and rings and the kid runs and opens the door and is happy his dad is home. I am worried I am stressing the kid too much by not letting him open the door to his dad or answering his phone when his father calls him (he calls him few times every evening) - some times he asks him to come home and give him a good night kiss and H shows up. I mean the whole situation would really be so much easier if my H would just leave us alone...but he is not, he is getting obsessed to see the kids. He did not pay them so much attention when he was home.

I have already told my son that his dad can see him only twice a week until he breaks off with the OW and when he calls him he should not be inviting him to come home. But he is just 5 and likes spending time with his dad. He is aware of the situation and the "nasty woman" but he is not taking sides, he is just too young to understand. He asked his father when is he going to come home and H answered that he is fixing his life right now and soon he will. Once he told me he wishes he was not born in a broken family! I have no clue how to restrict my H access the kid to only these 2 days.

Another problem. I am 100% financially depended on him. Have to contact the IM to ask him about bills, where are the money for the alimony which I have not received for this month and so on. He answers to her he is not going to discuss this with her and if I want I can ask him directly.

He showed up home yesterday (the babysitter opened the door and he just came in my room) and broke my plan B. This was the first time I had any direct communication with him after plan B. He came hanged me the notebook I gave him with the plan B letter (which had some memories from our past inside) and told me stuff like he cant have this and cry every night over it. The girl (the old me) is dead or was just a dream and he either has to erase all his memories for her and start a new life or some miracle has to happen for him to see her in me. Also hugged me with tears on his eyes and told me how nice its to be able to hug me again.

Also how will "no contact" with me help him cut it off with the OW and how will we reconcile when we dont talk.
He is going for a week on a business trip and wants to finish this one way or another when he is back...

Should I tell my IM the list with requirements I have for reconciliation? He does not even seem like thats what he wants... Wish he would either come home and commit to the M or just leave me alone.

livensi, do you have a separation agreement? Have you seen an attorney to help you protect your family financially?

Your Plan B needs some serious shoring-up. Tell your babysitter that she is not permitted to open the door when someone knocks. Tell your son that his daddy can't come and go as he pleases because he is still with the nasty woman and can't come home until the nasty woman is gone. A five year old is old enough to follow simple directions like 'don't open the door'. He is old enough to understand the concept of "rules" - tell him it's the rule.

If you've got an attorney, he can talk to your WH about the alimony.

A dark Plan B will take you out of the emotional yo-yo you're forced to live in while your WH gets his needs met from both of you. You will also not be able to meet the ENs you've been meeting for him. OW will be forced to meet those, and she probably can't meet them all. You've got a huge element in your favor: he obviously needs to have contact with his son. You keep allowing that. Stop allowing him to use your front door as a turnstile so he can wander in and out at his leisure to be in contact with his son. Let him feel the lack of his son.

This sounds like a mean thing to do for your son. It is NOT. It would be worse to allow WH to do this as he continues to detach from you. That will end in divorce. THAT'S the worst thing that can happen for your son.

There can be no reconciliation as long as he is with OW. Talking right now will do no good and will likely be harmful. The time for talking is when he has left OW and is ready to reconcile.

Yes. Give your list to your IM and tell her that she can give those to him when he indicates to her that he wants to reconcile.

I hope he comes home. In the meantime, you are allowing him to be in contact with you. Stop enabling him.