Exposure....it is what it is.
I know it had an effect, it was late in the game so I am sure that effect was taken down a couple notches, but I feel better about it.
I didn't expect it to end the A.......but hopefully it left a sour taste in their mouth.
As for her being pregnant........it kind of just popped into my head one night as I was journaling and looking back at what I wrote.
I checked a few things and something felt..........off
Nothing I can do about it......
If it turned out to be true......I'd be gone anyways, no question.
Coming up on a month of NC.
This is where I faltered last time.........felt like I was doing really good and had a major setback so I will avoid that pitfall.
Really I am just blah or apathetic about everything. I want something to happen one way or the other. I am just fed up I guess. I don't know what the truth is anymore and I am done trying to figure it out.
If we ever hit recovery.......I'll be totally honest, I don't know if I will have what it takes.
I know about all the EP's and UA time, NC and all that jazz.
But if I have to snoop on my W and verify everything all the time to see if she is being faithful..........
I'm sorry but I'm out.
That is just too mentally draining for me. She went deep underground during our FR b/c she knew I had stuff in place but didn't know how or where. And every single time I checked my heart would just race.......
I'm not going to be M to any W who I have to constantly check up on and worry about.
She will have to show me a fundamental change in her behavior and commitment in order for me to consider R, I'm done towing the line for both of us.
I'm the one who has fought tooth and nail for our M during her EA, I'm the one who set up MC, I'm the only one that had to change.... then..... I was the one who fought for the M when FR hit, I'm the one who has reached out endless times, I'm the one that is able to calm her down...I'm the one that listens to her........on and on.
does anyone see a pattern evolving here?
Done trying to fix, done trying to show her the way
She either wants to be M to me or doesn't.
I deserve all of someone........not half.........none of this I'm not sure what I want crap.
All of someone.......if she doesn't get that...........then I will find someone who does.