|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413 |
Oh and her mom died whe. She was little and her dads been sick during this affair. He's either dead or in hospice. She has a sister w 2 nephews whose a [censored] up and she has her nephews most of the time.
Her best friend (male) met w Wh and told Him to leave skank (surprise best guy friend also sleeping w skank)
Last edited by confusedandtorn; 10/11/11 01:50 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Oh and her mom died whe. She was little and her dads been sick during this affair. He's either dead or in hospice. She has a sister w 2 nephews whose a and skank has her nephews most of the time. I would remove those names and the cuss words. Target any aunts, uncles, grandparents, sisters, brothers, cousins, married people.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
And that is fine if you can't expose to her facebook today. You can focus on calling family and friends and getting him moved out.
I would pack his bags and ask him to leave.. Tell him you need him out, that his presence is too painful for you.
Did you send the workplace exposure letter yet? If you are waiting for email addresses, you can probably find them on their website or call the front desk. You should be able to get the names of the HR director and a key VP on their website. Have you looked?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
confused, when your husband starts getting calls from his family and his supervisor, he will go ballistic on you. You can expect him to say crazy things like "I was going to give you a chance, now I'm not." "you are mean" "its all over now" blah, blah, blah. It is just as if you took the crackpipe away from the crack head. So, don't be surprised and DO NOT LET IT BOTHER YOU ONE BIT. You just tell him you sure are sorry he is upset but you feel everyone should know about his affair. You will not hide it. And if he says "our marriage is over," just tell him yes, you agree it is over and until he leaves that job and ends all contact, there is nothing to save. Since it is over as you say, please take your bags and LEAVE NOW. Don't laugh, [and it will be funny!] don't fight, don't try to reason with him. Don't let him bait you into a bait. It will blow over. I just want to reassure you about exposure. Dr Harley, clinical psychologist and founder of Marriage Builders, has saved thousands of marriages over the years and here is what he says: So when a betrayed spouse asks for my advice, I usually take the position that infidelity is the greatest betrayal of all. After an affair, trust -- an essential ingredient in marriage -- is dashed. If the unfaithful spouse is offended by being exposed, so be it. Exposure is very likely to end the affair, lifting the fog that has overcome the unfaithful spouse, helping him or her become truly repentant and willing to put energy and effort into a full marital recovery. In my experience with thousands of couples who struggle with the fallout of infidelity, exposure has been the single most important first step toward recovery. It not only helps end the affair, but it also provides support to the betrayed spouse, giving him or her stamina to hold out for ultimate recovery.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
p.s. you are doing great!!  Way to man up, my friend!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413 |
Ok I'm scared but Im doing it. Hr knows I'm reading this site and said " so do I quit today? " and I said "yes"
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413 |
Just got emails. Sending it.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Ok I'm scared but Im doing it. Hr knows I'm reading this site and said " so do I quit today? " and I said "yes" is your husband reading here?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413 |
He says he's going to work tom quit. I blurted "no wait til imhave therapy" (in 30m) what's wrong w me?!?!?!
If he goes in and twllsnhis boss the situation and quits...do u think he'd ever be able to return there? He leaving no ifs and or butts. But am I destroying his shot at other jobs? This will putnhis,leaving on bad terms
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413 |
No not in here. But I linked him articles
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413 |
Should I not? I thought it was supposed to help couples?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413 |
Can someone link me to the no contact letter?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6,352
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6,352 |
Yes this site is wonderful for couples. Right now you and scuzz-hubby do not jointly qualify for that title.
Listen to the advice you've been given. You're on the right track. But keep him away from here until you two are firmly recovered.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
He says he's going to work tom quit. I blurted "no wait til imhave therapy" (in 30m) what's wrong w me?!?!?!
If he goes in and twllsnhis boss the situation and quits...do u think he'd ever be able to return there? He leaving no ifs and or butts. But am I destroying his shot at other jobs? This will putnhis,leaving on bad terms Call him back and tell him to quit. This has nothing to do with therapy, your marriage depends on him leaving that job and ending ALL contact with that ho. What caused him to suddenly quit?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Should I not? I thought it was supposed to help couples? It does help couples. But we can't help you if your husband is reading here.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Just got emails. Sending it. Did you send the emails exposing them at work?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,152
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,152 |
It might be better to print some articles out to him. You don't want him to see you posting here, because if he knows what you will do in advance, he will prepare himself and other people not to believe you if you expose. I think (but I'm not from the US) that it is unimportant if he quits or is sacked, because as I understand you have a new job waiting for him. If he quits himself it may affect his unemployment benefits, but you will have to ask or google that yourself, I live in Europe and am not familiar with the situation in the US. Anyway, quitting himself will look better on his resume than being laid of for having improper relations with a coworker. no contact letter http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2524008You are doing great. Even if he is quitting his job now, exposuree is important, because it helps block the way back to the other W and gives him a dose of reality. Take care, Happyheart
me, DH
all the children
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413 |
Should I wait to and the letter until he quits? I had to rush to therapy. My therapist thinks it will do only harm no good. I'm not sure (different therapist than the couples one).
I hate this. I feel so helpless
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413 |
I just feel Ill.
He wants to come talk to me in 1.5 hrs
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Should I wait to and the letter until he quits? I had to rush to therapy. My therapist thinks it will do only harm no good. I'm not sure (different therapist than the couples one).
I hate this. I feel so helpless Your therapist does not have the slightest idea how to save a marriage and is giving you bad advice. WE DO know how to save marriages. We have saved our marriages. SEnd the letter. Exposure is the most powerful weapon you have against this affair. Dr Harley is a clinical PSYCHOLOGIST [much more credentialed than a therapist] who has saved thousands of marriages using these tactics and here is what he says: Exposure is very likely to end the affair, lifting the fog that has overcome the unfaithful spouse, helping him or her become truly repentant and willing to put energy and effort into a full marital recovery. In my experience with thousands of couples who struggle with the fallout of infidelity, exposure has been the single most important first step toward recovery. It not only helps end the affair, but it also provides support to the betrayed spouse, giving him or her stamina to hold out for ultimate recovery.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
1 members (1 invisible),
543
guests, and
75
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
