Even if I can't get a tro or no contact order, can I file a report of some sort? In case she tries to damage my reputation in some way...my friend said "if I where her, I wouldn't hurt you, I'd ruin your reputation-Cps, file harassment, call your job"

The only thing I saw damaging is wh told her he was afraid to tell me bc last tine I threatened to take my life-which is NOT true. I have a therapist and a psychiatrist who could back me up.

Also...he emailed w her yesterday before he left work. But they are deleted. He says she was bombarding him about the fb messages and he had to tell her to stop.

What do
I do w that? Technically he did what I asked at that time-quit work-but its ridiculous he talked w her....but I didn't give him the list of conditions until later..but it makes mr so mad it was after he "chose" me.

I've been up all night in n out of the restroom awake worried about the threats and these emails. He thinks it's dumb I sent fb stuff (to bad) and it's dumb I want to go to the sherriffs.

confused, his contiunued contact with the OW is going to be a dealbreaker. He did not do what you asked at all, he CONTACTED HER. And the fact that he keeps hiding it tells me this is NOT OVER. He obviously would not have deleted it if all he did was tell her to buzz off, so he is lying about that.

I would insist he come clean about that and STOP all contact NOW. You have a right to know what he said to her. Tell him this will not work unless he comes CLEAN. NO MORE LIES. NO MORE LIES!

Also, I would FORWARD your workplace exposure letter to that skank so she knows you have exposed her there. Forward it so the names and dates show up. She needs to know that that upper management knows all about her now so there is no sense in denying it.

Don't you DARE let that filthy ho bully you into silence. Don't you DARE let her bully you into hiding her filthy affair with your husband.

Ok. I talked to him and told him all that...I also asked him about porn and he said yes he does watch and I told him not to. He says ok.

I'm super afraid of plan b. Ugh. I just hope he can be honest.

We are deleting his email accts today.

How should I forward the letter to hr to her? I don't want to get in trouble for harassment.

Send it via email. Forward it to her email account so she can SEE who was sent to. That is not harassment. She is harassing you by having an affair with your husband. And don't tell your husband you did this. You need to let her know that you are not going to back down, that you are very serious. VERY SERIOUS. And she had better buzz off if she knows what is good for her.

See, she will start trying to get ahold of him in a frenzied state and he will get sick of this REAL QUICK.

Of course he thinks its dumb. He wants it to remain his secret fantasy double life.

Don't get sucked into the drama here. Exposure merely brings the ugly A into the light of day and seeks support for the BS from those who have influence over the wayward. You have done nothing wrong and it is not mean or vindictive. It is a necessary step in killing the A by getting rid of the secrecy under which affairs thrive.

My bet is that OW's threats are lame and empty attempts to get you to back down in your fight against this A. Let her continue to act like a psycho and dig her own grave.

You, on the other hand, remain strong and focused.

He is trying to minimize the damage he has caused. Don't let him. He needs to feel the tsunami effect of the fallout from his affair. He's making this out to be no big deal so he can feel less guilty. IT IS A BIG DEAL. It's the worst thing that will ever happen to you - don't allow him to make you feel like you're over-reacting.

Also, after the affair is completely over and the two of you are recovering, the painful memory of his actions will help keep him in line. The more painful the memory, the less he's going to want to repeat the action.

Keep going, confused. You're doing very well! It's refreshing to see a BS come to this site and actually listen to what we say and DO it. We get plenty who will hear the plan and will argue with us about it . Some are on this site right now, arguing that exposure and snooping are mean/untrustworthy/invasive things to do. Meanwhile, their spouse's affair rolls merrily along.

You are doing just great, confused!! The only problem I see is that your first reaction to most everything is FEAR. But then you think it over and work through it and take action. That shows GREAT COURAGE. You are a courageous woman.

Now, if you can learn to automatically push the fear aside you will get into the habit of not allowing to dictate your actions. Don't be afraid of that skank, she is the one who has done something wrong, NOT YOU. She needs to worry about you, not the other way around.

In other words, don't let FEAR dictate your actions. Keep pulling through it like you have been doing. Don't let that STD ho make you afraid. There is nothing she can do to you. Just do the right thing and you will have nothing to fear. It is SHE who has something to FEAR because she is in the wrong. She should be very fearful of you.

Confused, that ho thought she had it all going on. She thought you were some wimpy-assed little hausfrau who couldn't take care of her man. She thought you would roll over for this affair.

BUT YOU DIDN'T! Imagine HER surprise! So she's doing the only thing she can think of to back you off - making threatening noises. Well, whoopdedoo, you skank! Get your hands off other women's husbands!!

Nasty little ho....

They are all empty threats, don't worry about them. It is blame shifting, not taking responsibility for their own actions, they think if you shout the hardest you will overwhelm the truth, not going to happen.

Stay strong, you are doing amazing!

EGG ZAK LEE

Create your own 'mantra' to use when you feel fear washing over you.

Examples:

I am CERTAIN I will not live with an adulterous husband.
I am CERTAIN I will protect myself and insure my safety.
I am CERTAIN I will not be overcome by fear.
I am CERTAIN I will stick to my healthy boundaries.

Aside:

When I am lost or confused by my fears, I do this.
I take slow deep breaths and say (in my mind) "in with serenity" and when I exhale, I say (think) "out with fear". I repeat this about 10 times. By then, I feel calm.
I used this recently (very effectively) when I was in the hospital.

Just some pointers to help you follow Mel's advice !!!!!!

Thank you! I'm driving by her house to get her address now. Have no fear I'm just grabbing address and leaving.

I'm mailing the no contact letter. Regular mail or certified?

CERTIFIED! REGISTERED, SO SHE HAS TO SIGN FOR IT!

Yes ok !

He's being such a baby. All irritated and silent.

The sherriff told me a report would be useless. Also since the emails went to his email he has to file, in a court 30m away for a *possible* tro

hmmmm what is this all about???

I dunno. We deleted his emails today, went to my work to get certified mail stuff, went to the post office and stopped at the sherriffs. He's all irritated. He says "I'm just tired of beating a dead horse"...etc. He's moping.

Id imagine he's ashamed. He also thinks I'm stirring the pot..but oh well.

He was irritated I went to the police station and made him write the letter. Which I just said what you guys said-it's a condition. He went through like 6 drafts of crumpling and rewriting...

Also he emailed his work about us meeting. Maybe Monday bc apparently the hr lady is out today. But I'll look at his work email w him when we get a reply