I would remind him that this is ALL VOLUNTARY!! He does not have to do anything on your list. If he doesn't want to reconcile, you will understand. Tell him "I will be disappointed but I do not want to make you do anything!! You can feel free to reject my offer!!"

But if he accepts, you don't expect him to behave like a punk about it.

Would this be classic signs of withdrawal? I would expect some anger also as you are the one who took his fun OW away.

Anyone have the thread on withdrawal symptoms?

Could this be why he is irritated? Is he hiding something about the work arrangement?

How does the letter look? Remember, if it is not to your satisfaction it is not acceptable. It has to be written in a way that you would approve.

This makes me nervous.

No, he is not in withdrawal. He just spoke to his OW yesterday. He is irritated about doing basic affair proofing. That is a problem and I am concerned.

C&T, I really have to take my hat off to you. You're not only doing splendidly, but you've had to do about a month's worth of work and dealing with A-drama, compressed down into a couple of days.

Truly amazing.

Don't fret over OW's threats. Really, what can she do? Try to make a court case out of "Your Honor, that woman told the truth about me banging her husband, and that makes me mad. Please, oh please, will you punish her? So what if telling the truth isn't against the law? There must be something WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" ??? Not likely to happen.

Don't stress too much over WH's childish behavior. Time will soon tell whether he's just entering withdrawal or is still somehow in contact. Just be your own fabulous self, and continue with all the good things in Plan A.

I don't like that contact yesterday with those deleted emails. That may be something you need to let the company know about, especially if you feel you aren't getting a truthful answer from him about it.

Other than that, carry on - you're doing super!

I am concerned about the emails yesterday.

I reminded him it's voluntary...he says he knows it's just "stupid." I said well I'm protecting my family and myself.

I have a bad feeling.

Refresh my memory. Did you get the spyware on his phone? Does he have any way left to contact her?

When does actual withdrawal start after the last contact? Do you think it could also mean he is still in contact? Just trying to determine the initial reaction of withdrawal versus still in contact. I am not sure if I know the difference actually.

With the last verified contact only yesterday, it's not even possible to tell. Contact will make him grouchy, and withdrawal will make him grouchy.

Where you start to see a difference is in the longer term. If he's in contact, he will stay grouchy, sullen, foggy, and not show any substantial improvement. If he's actually in withdrawal, over the coming weeks you will begin to see peeks, then longer and longer glimpses, of the good person he can become. Even with ups and downs, the general trend shows progress.

So without letting yourself get tied in knots about it, continue to monitor all avenues. Be aware that, although this A has almost certainly been dealt a death blow, it's still twitching and snarling a bit. Either wayward can breathe new life into it, at least for a short time.

His attitude and the recent contact probably mean that there is more drama in your immediate future. Long-term, I am very optimistic about your chances of success.

A WH who is sincere will have hat in hand on bended knee. He won't be grudging and irritated. I have my doubts that the affair is really over.

I bought the spyware I need to get alone time to install it.the only thing I can't monitor is if he creates a new email on his phone... I know all her numbers so I can check # and text logs

He seems in a better mood now...but not hat in hands..more like pretending normalcy...he wants me to go on a hike w him

He says he was just thinking earlier to himself >.>

What excuse can I have to get his phone?!?

Does he ever fall asleep? Or do you need it in the daytime?

He's a pretty light sleeper. I tried last night and he woke up when I came out. And he plays pandora on it which he showers. Maybe if he sets it down while his brother is here...it just takes a few. And I don't know how to ask "hey can I see your phone?" and go off with it. I thought about setting it down w the kids here and if he looked for it, putting it lime in the kids rpo
"oh baby got it" but I want that shtuff on there asap!

His computer activity is boring so far. One xxx thing popped up but activity shows like 2 secs so I think it's a pop up?

Lol, yeah, remind him he is getting the deal of his lifetime, a second chance, and he should be happy he got it

Work emails are never "really" deleted. Even if he empties the trash folder, most companies have a folder they goto.

Check his sent and trash folders then in outlook there is something like restore deleted mail.

Also, I would add that to the stipulations that he can delete the emails but cant empty the trash.

As far as getting his phone, "forget" yours at home and while you are out, tell him you need to make a call while going to the restroom. If he balks, there is something on there you need to see.

All my FWH's activity was on his droid. He never used the laptop for the A.

He keeps rubbing my ring finger...do I put my ring on?