:::snicker:::

Yeah thats the point, its not an exact science, but it will help in the future anyways.

all the snooping gadgets help, but your judgement will come in play too.

Your doing well, keep up the good work

Thanks.

Something keeps coming up on his computer programs..."smartmen" key strokes typed are "bbbbb" ....any thoughts?

My judgment got me into this mess. I don't trust my own judgement

I Google searched "smartmen.exe", it came back with a suggestion of smartmenu. SmartMenu is an HP program.

Not knowing the program, I can't explain the key strokes. At this point I would treat it as a nuscience (sp?) until you have more data.

Phew...

Where are you seeing this, confused?

Did you instruct his antivirus program to ignore the keylogger? You may need to re-install the program.

I was afraid you would say that when I posted it...

Your judgement to follow the advice given, based on how you KNOW the affair and decietfulness was not right, and that you had to take action, is sound judgement.

The rest will be in the books, and in time, as you follow the concepts.

You are doing very well

The smartmen thing is on "programs used". The bbb is the keystrokes used on that program.

Everything else seems normal. I'm getting what he or I type in ok (I used it to pay bills, fb etc. I doubt I'll get anything off the computer unless he goes on a work trip...which isn't happening)

The computer would be easy to reinstall though. The phone not as much

Thank you for the constant advice and reassurance. I do
Feel much more in control this time

Our flawed judgement is what caused a LOT of us to end here, confused. But you know a lot of new things now. You're doing great!

108 posts since I went to bed last night. It will take me a while to catch up.

You are continuing to do very well, keep it up!

That's what you get for going to bed.

I'm touched that your catching up <3

Update:no unordinary computer or phone activity. In fact he's told me everything before I even check the history. "oh I talked to chris" or "oh I went to ...website to look up..."

I got a really nasty fb message from one of her friends calling me a whore that I'm compromising my values and sleeping w a liar etc...which is hurtful but by that premise makes her friend a whore also. She said alot about how I obviously don't know how to be a wife and alot of other mean stuff. And "next time this happens, which it will, keep your feelings to yourself"

*sigh* I knew this would happen but it's still hurtful. I don't care what her friends think of me but Im afraid other ppl will think I'm weak or stupid.

Dinner was great. We way overspent the giftcard...which sucks because I don't know what our financial situation will be. Everytime I think about his job (we have a meeting w them tomorrow) I feel ill. We just got on track financially and now what. I'm sick just talking about it. I
Keep starting to second guess that asking him to leave was the wrong thing...I know it's right for my marriage it's just terrifying. He's not sure he'll be able to find that salary somewhere else, esp in this job market.

He keeps telling me don't worry in a soft voice...it'll all be ok. We will be fine and stop worrying about his job. He wants to apply for the police dept which terrifies me. I don't want to be married to a cop...ugh. I feel sick.

We did have sex last night so I guess that's good. I have to try really hard not to talk about her or the affair or his work..it's so hard. I cried after sex which is pathetic. Ugh.

We are going for a run now and then home to go to bkfst and the store and pick up kids.

Ignore these silly cows. They aren't worth the time it took me to type this sentence. (And I'm a fast typist )

This may turn out well for you. I thought he was going to transfer and be in a place where he would have no contact with OW? If his employers are willing to meet with both of you, it sounds like they will be willing to work with the two of you in order to keep him on the payroll.

And confused? When you go there, dress well, look good, and be business-like. Don't get emotional and cry! Pinch yourself to keep from it if you need to. Crying is considered weakness in the business world. You are there to negotiate the best scenario for your marriage. Stiffen your spine and kick butt! (In a business-like way, of course. )

confused, don't second guess this for ONE SECOND, because it is the right decision. You won't remember a temporary reduced salary in a year but you will remember the inevitable divorce from his continued affair. It is not a choice between this salary and a reduced salary but a choice between a DIVORCE a reduced salary. Take your pick! You CAN sustain some temporary financial issues; you can't sustain one more day of him working with the OW.


He shouldn't be making any such decisions without your enthusiastic agreement. If you don't want him to be a cop then tell him you don't agree. That would make you unhappy.Tell him you want him to find a job that makes you both happy and one that protects the marriage. And I would not agree for him to be a cop if I were you. It is to easy for them to cheat because of the crazy work schedules. That would be too hard on your marriage at a time when you need to be putting this back together.

Thank you. I know it's right I'm just inside freaking out.

They wouldn't agree to let me come IN :-/ only conference call.

They wanted him to take a few days and come back and let them know our "stipulations"...which are :acknowledgenent of the issue by upper mgt and hr (which I'll get in the call...plus I helped wh wrote the email to then and made sure it had her full name..there's only like 7 women there anyway). He can't work in that building. No contact w her of any sort-email mail letters calls in person interoffice memo nothing. We shall see.

I was just worried asking him not to be a cop would be detrimental. Like in the future he'd resent me "not letting him" do either his dream careers. His current career in racing or cop. Ugh. And I told him "they have high divorce and cheating rates" ...we will see

Oh and hd thinks they'll only keep him on the payroll temporarily

Ok, that sounds good.


Can you imagine the resentment you would feel if he DID? That is the greatest problem here, confused. If you have been in the habit of agreeing to things that make you unhappy, then we need to quickly break you of that bad habit. And here is why. Making sacrifices only leads to unhappiness and resentment. Just imagine if he were a cop and you were miserable. How does that help your marriage? It doesn't.

A better way to make decisions is to use this principle: never do anything without the enthusiastic agreement of your spouse.

A better way is to negotiate a career decision that makes your BOTH happy. That way your future is happy and neither one of you is gaining at the others expense. This article explains what I mean: Policy of Joint Agreement