And what do I do about this xnxx.com website?!?!

Oh I posted before I saw ours cp.

How do I scan for adware?

I think he's typing it in...it comes up as Mozilla firefox as the program then xxnx.com is the key strokes (today anyway)... However before I made the porn stipulation this came up but in the program and it said Mozilla firefox in the program, but the. In the caption it said something really nasty porn like title.

Now it says Mozilla firefox in the program, but says somethig about YouTube in the caption but he xnxx.com in the keystrokes. I just can't tell and be for certain

It's going to take a little time to clean the computer and make sure nothing old is in there. I'm not enough of an expert to tell you how to do that, or if Norton would be enough.

Definitely clear out all history, cookies, saved info, etc. Make sure all settings will save activity for a long time. A month is good. That may help getting rid of some.

Your weekend doesn't have to be expensive. We can have a fancy (for us anyway lol) weekend camping trip for a family of 5 on $200. It doesn't even have to be away. What things could you do together at home?

You're fed up and numb. Understandable. Keep on doing the right things anyway. It will help.

Yea I don't even want to spend $200 if he won't have a job....I'm hoping if they don't work something out that they let him go, at least we'd get unemployment.

We can watch movies. I dunno what else. Maybe play a board game if one is good for just 2. We usually play w groups. We could drink wine. Or hike. He doesn't like going for walks, or artsy stuff, or board games....

I just don't know if he's lying about the porn (or anything else) or not.

And i don't think the phone spyware captures email activity which means it's a waste, because thats i bet where he'd contact her

just a note with the keylogger. are you also using the same computer? you should set the keylogger to the username, or you create another user name for yourself.

so when you are online and looking up what he was looking at you dont get pissed when you see it on the logger, bc it was actually you...

I took my H phone for a day, forgot i had it, checked the GPS online as was pissed that he was following me, silly me i had the phone. when you are full into it sometimes things dont dawn on you.

Install IE history viewer- hide it in an random folder, and run it anytime you want from that computer. tracks where you been on internet explorer, the logger does the same it just a quick check. you might as well do IE pass view (give you most paswords that were saved at sometime).

Ok, brainstorming time. Everybody feel free to chime in.

1. Give each other massages. Necks, feet, whatever.
2. Talk about when you first met, and how you fell in love.
3. Look at picture albums of the kids, and when they were born.
4. Cook dinner together, and clean up together, too.
5. Take a long shower together, or a bath. Small tub? So much the better.
6. Say 5 things you appreciate about the other.


Those are all free. I haven't even touched on the cheap stuff.

If I am correct, the things you want to ask him about the affair are the things you want to know for your mental stability.

For some people, who are imagining in their minds the worst scenarios it's a relieve to hear that what went on with the other person was nothing life-changing special.
Maybe there are others who would rather not know and just forget about it.

You decide what you want to know and ask him. It is better to do this in the beginning, as your life is now in shambles more or less anyway. Because after you have started to really rebuild that relationship, you do not want to bring the affair partner up every time, because it triggers the both of you.

My personal tip is, I once read (and I have noticed this to be true) that if you think about someting / a situation for more than 2 minutes, you start to feel the same emothions, that you had as the memory was formed. So, if you have gained some stability (your mind is probably in circles now) use that and think of bad memories if you must, but put them away and think of something else before the end of the two minutes. That way you can think and not become emotional. Works for my worst memories beautifully.

Keep up the good work. Try to get some rest if you can, because you will lose your temper with childen and husband more easily if you are exhausted.

God bless,
Happyheart

Im not going to say calm down because I know it is easy said but hard to do.

Movies don't count as UA Time...I know, that sucks but you are focused on the movie not each other.

Do you have a fireplace? Tuns off all the lights, start a fire and sit on the floor in front of the fire and slowly drink the wine and talk. No affair talk.

It will seem weird at first because you have nothing to entertain BUT eachother. It gets easier the longer u do it and u will miss it.

Lavasoft has a program called adaware, which has been around for ten years or so, and does a good job of removing such things.

It might want to remove your spyware though.

If you can monitor it and the installation privately and as maintainance for the PC, you could slip it by him though.

It would be great if he were able to let you have the PC and knew you were snooping.."Total transparency"?

Not sure what the vets would have in advice for that yet at this point. Me?, I would say let him know that you will be watching out for your interests and your marraige.

But anyway you can use it and tell it to ignore your keylogger just like any antivirus.

They specialize in AD ware so they can pick up most everything.

....it's a porn site

Is the key strokes logged the same for each instance? If so (bbbb) could be a login psssword?

He will let me use the computer whenever I want. He knows I'm snooping. He seems annoyed but allows it. He seems really annoyed today but he is working n his resume which is attracting him.

I'm not in the best of moods either and he always says my bad mood sets him off and makes him in a bad mood.

If movies and tv don't count as ua time, I'm totally screwed. I don't even know what to say to him right now that isn't affair, job, kid related. And everything triggers me to think about money. He wants to modify a piece of furniture into a wine cabinet for me, but I don't want to spend the money on the wood or supplies. We could do that together I guess.

No fireplace here. We have 2 shower heads and shower together daily. The tub is tiny and the kid tub.

We do need to go through photos and organize them but I dnt think he'd enjoy looking through and sorting them.

I thought about going bowling w him. We've never gone together. That's not to expensive I don't think. Might be lame w 2 people. Or batting cages. I'm not athletic but he'd enjoy it and I can suck up my embarrassment an try.

I Just can't tell about the porn and am bothered that the email on his phone isn't monitored. Should I just let that go for now?

I know it's a porn site. No the keystrokes aren't the same every time...it's like a jumble of bbbs and cccs. It just doesn't look like he's into it full force. Maybe he types it in and changes his mind? The page doesn't seem to load if Im reading the report right

Sound to me like an ad ware type program that is being stopped by a pop-up blocker. Just a guess but get the free version of AdAware and run a full system scan anyways.

Patience C&T, it will work out

Ok I'll run that when I'm alone w the computer.

Thanks cp. I just feel like a crazy person waiting for a hammer to drop. Like I'm losing it. And we stuff together but itfeels forced. I feel forced.

Its OK, its just the emotional reactions from the fear you have been through. Post stress, conditional response, it all gonna be fine.

I am pretty sure the things you see on the logger are an attempt for some program to pop-up that website, and it has been blocked by a pop-up blocker.

I want to feel his sorry. Feel him being attentive. Not in a sex way since that seems to be the only affection he can muster. I want to feel wooed. Is that so wrong? I want him to gravel and beg and go over the top doing things for me.

Last night he didn't eat dinner bc his stomach hurt. It annoyed me. I dint eat either and when asked why he didn't "same reason your stomach hurts".

I'm tense and short fused and upset and tired. He made dinner, which is good I guess. He's making it today to. But it's such a small thing in the scheme. I want him to stop moping and being annoyed and humping me! I dunno what it would take for a lb deposit but it feels like my slot is closed.

Thats par for the course with most men, don't let it bother you you are human too.


Depends how you look at it, no pun intended. If you are cuddling together and discussing the movie at points I see it as UA time. But using it as a reason not to talk, and sitting apart in your own worlds, can be a different thing.
It shouldn't be 100% of your UA time, but it can count for some of it, an opera or a broadway show would be the same thing, but the added stigma of going "out" would be there also.


Then ask him if he wants to do it, and don't do it if he doesn't want to, during UA time.

About bowling with two being lame, who cares, as long as you two have fun.


With all that he has done and allowed to be watched in so quickly, yes, for now let it go, and don't let it make you nervous.
You can find out what the issue is with the spyware later, and it would be a big chance that your H guessed that the email on the phone would be the crack in your snooping that he could slip through.

See, your worrying, and probably about nothing, but yeah follow up with spyware that can snoop out email on the phone, or find out from cust support later.

Bowling sounds great! Batting cages sound like a fun thing to try, too. Who needs to be embarrassed? Even if you can't hit a thing, laugh at yourself, let him laugh, too, and enjoy a happy moment together.

Meet his need for SF enthusiastically, as long as he's not asking for things you aren't comfortable doing. Since you won't feel enthusiasm naturally at first, think of ways to be creative and spark your own interest. As he gets better at meeting your EN's the enjoyment won't feel as forced.

Did you thank him for making dinner? If not, go do that, and smile at him as you tell him how much you appreciate it.

It's not that movies are absolutely forbidden, but they make no $LB deposits for either of you, during a time when you both need maximum deposits to occur. They don't do anything positive for your M, and take up time that could be spent bringing you closer together.

Don't try to organize the pictures, but what about looking through them and feeling free to make a mess? Not that you have to throw them around or anything, but give yourselves permission to just look through them and enjoy them, sharing the sweet or funny ones with each other, but no pressure to try and 'fix' them somehow. Just enjoy.

I know it's hard for you, but I'm DELIGHTED that he's moping. Moping can be an early sign of withdrawal. Usually renewed C will bring anger more than moping. Let him mope! You do your best to be upbeat, don't beat yourself up if you're not, and try not to let his moods affect you too much. Keep track of it, not moment to moment but the overall trends, and just pretend he's a science experiment.

Totally normal reaction, and tell him to stop making it all about sex.

The Emotional needs in both of you are important, and you need something other than sex. He has to start to respect that and help you with that also.

Your Love bank is different than his, becuase you are different than him. Have you discussed your top ENs yet? Have you figured them out yet?

And he still has to work on evening up the score, healing your hurt, just compensation.

I can take two years for the healing process , right now you are not even a week into it, expect ups and downs, hang in there