Thanks. The porn thing keeps coming in my reports but keeps saying 756p yesterday. I don't know why that would come up
On my 915a-1015a report today. And 756 I went to the gym but our oldest would've barely gone to bed. So I can't imagine he's in the living room watchingporn at that time.

Maybe I'm reading it all wrong. It's getting to me though

How do we discuss en's?

I haven't finished reading yet, I will go back and do so, but you were concerned about him quitting his job or leaving and you not having a roof over your heads...could he go to his boss and tell them what he's done? Maybe with any luck he'd get fired and get unemployment while he looks for work. Most states you can collect unempl. if fired as long as it wasn't something you did illegal that caused it, such as embezzle. Also, is she his superior? If so it could be grounds for a lawsuit. I'm not advocating it, just saying that happens sometimes.

IN July of 2009 my wife had gastric bypass. She was only 65lbs over her max healthy weight and wasn't a good candidate for this operation. All it did was bring her back down to what she weighed when we first got together. We got married back in March 2002. Now in May of 2010 my wife went on a business trip and had an affair. I found out real quick and confronted her about it, to which she denied. Well she went out to Las Vegas in July of 2010 and met up with this guy again. This dude is married and is about 20 years older than her. Well by October 2010 she was telling me she wanted to split because she was so confused about everything. Telling me one day she loves me the next day she doesn�t, one day I can stand to see you the next day I can�t. To make it worst she called me while I was on a trip visiting family in California that she was going to go out to Virginia when I got back for a friend�s birthday which I knew was a lie . The day I flew back home she called me right before my flight saying is wanted to separate. Well I finally left the House in November of 2010 and the first words out of her mouth was we need to see the marriage counselor now, I go why you don�t want to be with me I know what you are doing and the worst part is you are abandoning your kids and for what? I started dating and was enjoying the way these ladies in particular one was treating me and having a good time with her. By January 2011 my wife was begging me for a second chance. I kept telling her I wasn�t ready you really hurt me bad, but by the middle of February I said yes, but everything is the be cut off and you will answer my questions. Stuff was going good until April when I found out the guy who was still communicating with her, sending her money, and she had a false email address. I confronted her and it stopped until the end of June 2011 and once again there was phone contact, then this past August I helped her take a test so she could go to a convention in December, while I had a gut feeling she was going to contact this guy which she did, and needless to say there was a conversation where to sum it up there was talk of an intimate encounter he was throwing out there. I was pissed and confronted her a week later about it. First of all she already blew the trust and is trying to rebuild something she screwed up and here she keeps doing it. I am deciding whether or not I should cut my losses and divorce her. It�s not an easy choice, but when I took her back I told her everything is done that�s it you cut everything and it seems that every other month I have to say something which is too much�. I don�t care what all these researchers say affairs don�t end in happy endings or Hollywood endings where all is ok. I am deeply hurt and am trying to side step stuff, but she wants to act like nothing happened and not face any of the issues she caused. Any thoughts of what I should do?

Hi Kay-thanks for the input. There's alot about his job in here that should answer all those points.

Joel-I would suggest you post a new thread of your own, so you have one dedicated to people helping you. Just cut and paste what you said here and start a new thread.

I'm not really knowledgable enough to give advice yet either.

Yes Joel, just start your own thread, many will be glad to help you

C&T,
To discuss ENs, you both have to realize you have them, and they are different needs, both important, and nesessary for good relationship and mutual care.

For example; You might need Recreational companionship and affection more than sexual fufillment. They are listed in order of priority. His Needs Her needs goes into this in detail, and the EN questionaire on the this site which you can print out can also be a guide to you.

The basic concepts talks about them also.

Don't be fooled into believing this is a "cookie cutter" design. Emotional needs in people are very deep concepts and are different for everybody, as different as all people are different, but the ignoring of them leads to resentment.

Mutual care of emotional needs is what marriage is all about, the job, bills, the car, the furniture are all details that take away from the romantic love and the time invested in the marraige and those needs being filled.

This is how affairs are started, because those needs are filled outside the marraige. Don't try to analyize it all without reading the books first, and read them together if possible, so you can discuss them as you go along. The books are very revealing.

It all seems daunting and confusing right now, but in time you will see it as simple science, but rewarding you with a great marriage.

Hope this helped

You said your doctor wanted to give you Valium, I'd avoid that, highly addictive! Buspirone is a far safer anti-anxiety Rx, you can read about it on line, I've been on it ever since my XH cheated on me over three years ago. Also Trazodone is a safe sleeping pill, my doctor even takes it himself.

I've read your entire thread, wow you have really been through a LOT in the last few days! But you've got the best here helping you and you've done such a great job of listening and following their advice. I wish you the best with your marriage.

Wow Kay thank you! That's alot of reading!

I hope this works. It does feel like a whirlwind. I'm pretty burnt

It does take a lot of work, you need to rest up and take care of yourself as much as possible, get hubby to put the kids to bed, etc.
I wish I'd had MelodyLane and Neak and some of the others helping me when I went through it...our marriage still wouldn't have been saved because it was a FR but at least I'd have discovered it sooner and saved myself a lot. I was new to this, I've been learning/reading for 3 1/2 years here...not interested in dating so will probably never have another relationship to use this on, but you never know. It never hurts to learn though!

Confused, what keylogger did you install?

Eblaster on both...

Do you guys believe in 7 year itch?

I believe it is something that people grab to justify bad behaviour... same as mid life crisis.

I'm not sure why you're having problems with eblaster. You should be able to see where he's going. Are you clicking on the links in the report?

No. I don't believe in the 7 year itch.

There aren't links?

Are you scrolling all the way down to the bottom of the report? There is a section at the top that says "jump to" - that will take you to the bottom as well. You should be able to click on those links to get more info.

Yea I'm scrolling down but mostly it's not links. The xnxx.com is a link and sometimes if he types in another website there is a link, but no other links.

I feel like a dud lol

He made me a bkfst sandwich today (which I thanked for) and spent 2 hours at work w me working on his work emails. Now he's buying me a watch battery (just sent me a photo of him at lowes) and is going to get his Halloween costume for our party Saturday.

He made dinner last nigh and I thanked him. He said "you made half" and I said well thanks for starting it and he said "thanks for letting me work on my laptop at the dinner table"....

I think he left bed to watch porn though :-/

Do I all him out on it? He says he was watching cartoons. The elogger says xnxx.com and then 10 minutes later cartoons

I'm pretty sure he actually watched it this time. I clicked the link. YUCK

You could always install parental control and see if he mentions it. If you set it for no xxx site he would have no way to watch it without letting on he tried.

Vets, what you think on this?

Ps. Most home routers have parental control settings on them.