He tried to quit last week remember

(not that I expect a stranger to
Know my drama filled life lol)

Here it is.
A from me to you.

Some anonymous, bodiless voice tells you some ridiculous crap over the phone and YOU lose CONTROL of yourself.

You need to learn the difference between what you have control over and what you have zero control over.

So, you ask: "WHAT SHOULD I DO?"
I ask, what are your options?
Should you rush over to OW's and rip her uterus out?
Demand she show you the positive pregnanct test?
Beat her ugly face to a pulp?

We told you "DO NOTHING" for a reason.
There is no current action you can take to remedy this.
Every action will make more drama. Will make you look ridiculous.
You are fighting windmills. You are fighting farts in the wind.
So, what did you do?
You beat up your husband.

Well, that will certainly work in your favor.


Not.

You lost your dignity because you lost self control.
If you can't control yourself, we cannot help you.

Take responsibility for what is on your side of the fence, and leave all that other crapgrass alone.

There is no OW baby in your home.
There is only you.
You out of control.

Apologize to your husband.
THAT is within your locus of control.
It is your responsibility to behave better than this.

If you want to recover your marriage, let me tell you from experience, it will REQUIRE a ton of self control.

I already apologized. And I beat him up before you said do nothing >.>

What happened with your meeting with them? Did I miss that?

They asked for my list of stipulations and when he could come back to work if they met those. Said theyd get back to us.

He emailed today and his boss said his boss's boss and hr met today but he hadn't heard. He only has enough vacation time to get us through tuesday

This is bogus. You know, and we know, that we don't need to tell you not to beat up your husband before you know that it's a bad idea.

Please, PLEASE listen to what Pep is telling you.

I'm listening. But it's done. I apologized but it's done.

It's far less than what he's put me through anyway, no harm no foul for now

Harm and foul until you understand and get rid of the thinking that gave you permission to do this to your WH.

I wasn't thinking that's the point. I didn't say it was ok.

I just don't know what to do. Everything is what ifs

Sorry I'm just upset. I know it was dumb

I just got caught up reading again, worked late tonight. I think the other ladies are trying to get you to understand the sheer seriousness of what you did when you hit him. It IS harm done, it IS foul, and it could get you arrested and your children taken away. PLEASE listen, it is never okay for a man OR a woman to hit each other, it is called assault...in Oregon here, they have a mandatory minimum sentence of 5 years 10 months for second degree. This is with NO priors! The judge can't spare you. Are you getting it? Apologize profusely and if you can't get a handle on it, take an anger management course. This will NOT be helpful in making your marriage better! Everything you do must be with that goal in mind. We know you're frustrated, stressed, hurting, all the more reason to maintain self-control. Assault is abuse no matter who commits it or for what reason. You can always walk away, take a time out, or even get a divorce, but assault is never an option.

About the so called baby message, please do not take it seriously unless/until there is proof. Do not borrow trouble, there's enough to deal with today. You are going through so much and it's as if you are trying to do it all with your own resources when you could be asking God for some help with it, He's there.

Does your husband say WHY he wants to quit right now? Even if they end up willing to work with him on locale?

Try and get some rest tonight and tomorrow is a fresh day.

confused,

Just finished reading your thread and wanted to say "job well done." You've certainly come a long way in a little over a week!

As for the website, eblaster does have a section that allows you to block certain sites.

Ok. Anonymous call said she's a friend of a friebd and thought it was wrong and wanted to say ow is claiming she's pg and not gonna tell until the baby's born or to late for abortion. And that she thinks ow is about 4 weeks in.

Wh says last sex was 10/4 and *gag* they had to do it in the shower bc she was on her period.

I confronted him...less than calmly...he doesn't seem very worried...

I know they didn't use protection. She was on bc supposedly.

What do I do.
___

From a medical point of view:

- In a group of 500 women followed over three years, they found not one conceived (became pregnant) during the first 6 days of the cycle (and most 32-year-old women's menstruations don't last longer)
- So unless she does it for 10 days ;-) she couldn't have become pregnant then.
- If she was menstruating on october 4th, this means that cycle started in the beginning of october.
-Pregnancy is calculated from the start of the new cycle. she can't be 4 weeks pregnant since october we're only 2,5 weeks in.
- If she was menstruating on the 4th, a pregnancy test would not even yet find out if she was pregnant this cycle.
- She cannot even have missed her period. (calclate for yourself) as the last one was only two weeks ago. How would she even get the idea that she might be pregnant in the first place?

Conclusion: This is bull. And the good thing is, if she really was menstruating and I think if it was so bad that they had to use the bathroom, we can safely say she was, you can be certain that she was not pregnant then and we also can virtually rule out that she is now, because he was nowhere near her during ovulation. Problem solved, concentrate on your relationship.

She is just a pityful woman, trying to play the pregnancy card, to 1. get you H back, 2. get people to feel sorry for her, 3. to get back at you.

Just forget it. If she is pregnant, I'll eat my hat.

Good luck and don't worry,
Happyheart

I agree that she can't be pregnant this is just a ploy to put a wedge between you and your husband, are you going to let that happen?
Okay now back to the plan..........don't lose site of the bigger picture......
Block the email address that has the porn and keep watching what he does.....
And don't worry happyheart won't have to eat her hat..........hehe!!
Stop wasting time Confused get back to what is important here, the more the OW does crap like this the more your husband will see what a loser she is.......and what you saved him from.............
Start showing him you are a woman of class an integrity and a loving wife that can move forward and build a great marriage and life for both of you and your family
I think we have all had moments as BS's, I myself popped my husband a couple of times one night as well.........not proud of that moment myself......my husband cried for a day knowing he had changed me so much that I could have resorted to something so out of character because of the pain he had caused me.......
I know how much all this hurts you, but there isn't anything else you have it all now, now is the time to use that great plan and start digging yourself out of the mess your marriage is in......someone has to be strong now and you just might have to carry him out...........You have to save him from himself........
This is what they mean by for better or worse in the marriage vow............
Every marriage has something, drugs, alcohol, abuse, nothing is perfect is how we act and fight for what we could have is what is important........
55% of couples have some kind of infidelity, it's not right it's just the way it is now.........don't become a stat that loses and divorces.........don't let wrong win......

I'm trying not to worry. He couldn't remember if he actually saw blood, just that she said they had to use the shower. I'm trying not to worry. I feel sick. I can't sleep. I try. I can't eat. I try. I'm constantly in the restroom and my body hurts everywhere.

I'm trying to stick to working out because I know it helps but it's hard. If my boss saw how poorly I was doing I'd probably get fired. She's out on medical
Leave and I'm left in charge. Great a bumbling mess.

My mil thinks I need to switch my house in only my name and divorce him
On paper and stuff so ow can't get my income if she claims child support. But I dint even know if she is pg. Mil says she's probably out trying to get pg right now.

This is the oldest trick in the book but it's so shaking me. I hope I'm doing what's right.

His mom was asking me if I'm gonna stay w him, and her voice sounded like I shouldn't. It was weird. But she said "if you do divorce him, your giving her what she wants "....it's a pathetic reason to hold on...but I'll do it.

I'm not going to that Halloween party this weekend. Forget that.

I don't know what to do everymoment of the day or how to act. How can this happen to me?! Could it be any worse!

I'm not religious at all, quite the opposite actually, but I'm so desperate I asked wh to go to church. He looked at me like I grew horns

Oh and he admitted to the porn. He saud he didn't masturbate. He opened it a few times but couldn't bring himself to do it. He says he can't help it. Then he says he's been doing it to my photos *sigh* better than nothing

Confused

Just concentrate on the plan and the honesty right now..........
The only way it gets better is doing a great plan, getting closer to your husband and becoming a team again..........
Maybe when he feels safer too he will stop all the other stuff and get on board to living right........is he seeing a IC for his own issues?
one day at a time, one hour at a time........
Remember nothing is written in stone.........no decisions have to be made, you can take your time and see how it all works out for you........
I think the first plan should be figuring out the work situation, and then being transparent........then filling each other's needs, honesty.......trust........
takes time to put back a mess.........

Go see your physician.
Explain your symptoms and the cause of your worry.
In my opinion you may benefit from anti-anxiety/anti-depressants. (sometimes 1 medication, sometimes 2)
If you are already taking something, tell your physician it is not doing enough.

Stress changes brain chemistry.
This may be one reason you are not able to control yourself.

Be good to yourself.

No, it's just a child support check. Not the best possible situation, but it doesn't have to blow no contact.