I'm on something new it's only been a few days though.

I thought we where transparent *sigh* and honest.

Is the med supposed to treat anxiety AND depression?

It may take 2 weeks for the med to reach therapeutic levels.
You can ask for something mild (ativan 0.5) to carry you through the next 2 weeks.

Are you sleeping?

Cymbalta. I'm only on 1/4 dose bc it makes me sick.

Sleep is on and off. Certainly not restful. I have nightmares, wake alot, and wake up early (3-4am) and can't go back to sleep. I also wake up sick to my stomach (although I'm sick to my stomach most of the day-I have prilosec bc I developed an ulcer after dday1 but it's not helping)

Why don't y'all take a quick weekend trip out of town. See if family can watch the kids and you guys leave Friday after work. Get a nice hotel, order room service, sleep in, do nothing for a while.

You've got to get a break from this, maybe a change of scenery will do some good.

I think that'd be a great idea...but I don't want to spend $ on a hotel and room service if he doesn't have a job.

And I need them to let him go so we can get insurance through my work (expensive). Plus unemployment.

Plus I'll lose my car (company car) so yea. Maybe we will hear today.

He looked at me like I grew horns


Well, going to church can be very soothing, I also like the old songs when you are going through a difficult time.

---- known only to him

------ take my hand
http://www.simplyangel.com/takemyhandpreciouslord.htm

Helps me better than 'feel-good-music' from the chart ;-).
You have done an amazing job during the past days. You have really been the strong person, your family can rely on.

Just put on the parental block, that way, he knows, that it is not an option.

Keep up the good work, you are awesome!
Happyheart

confused,
At least your husband told you about looking at the porn, etc. It's good that he's coming clean.

Please take a look at Buspirone, it has been a wonder drug for me. My stomach was tied up in knots plus I was having diarrhea from the stress when my husband started cheating on me, and it started when he started cheating, not when I found out, like my body knew subconsciously before I did. The buspirone (buspar) helped my anxiety so much! It began working almost right away. It doesn't make me feel like a zombie or a different person, just more like I can cope and it takes the edge off the anxiety. I was diagnosed with GAD and probably have had it all my life but when extreme stress hits it's unbearable...I plan to stay on this the rest of my life. I haven't had any symptoms, it's not addictive, it's safe, it's in a class all it's own. Please read about it and talk to your doctor about if you would benefit from it.

It is a fallacy that you can't get pregnant if you think you're in a cycle (have you seen the tv show about women who have a baby and don't know it? Some of them seemed to have cycles all throughout the pregnancy). The difference is, if someone is truly having a cycle or just bleeding and it's hard to notice the difference. However, her time line isn't adding up...it's too soon to know if she's pregnant and my bet is that she is not, she's crying wolf to upset the two of you and drive a wedge between you. Go with the assumption that she is not and ignore it. Do not respond unless/until she provided EVIDENCE. By then the two of you will be a solid bond she can't touch and you can get an intermediary if your husband chooses to have visitation. But all of this is mere speculation, I'm with the majority that says she is not pg.

Today is a fresh day, ask your husband to think of something special the two of you can do together that doesn't cost much...let HIM do some of the work of solidifying your marriage, it shouldn't be you doing all of the work and coming up with all of the ideas. My guess is he can think of something.

Hugs to you and hopes that your day goes well today. Oh and about the stomach, eat gentle foods that seem easy on your system, there's a list on line of foods to avoid for IBS that helped me: fat/grease, caffeine, carbonated beverages, spices, dairy except yogurt is good, oatmeal helped me, anything bland.

{{graphic commentary ahead}}

The problem with masturbation as I understand what Dr. H is saying is not in the deed itself, but in how it is done. It is done in secret, it is done apart from the spouse and excludes them from the SF part of the relationship (among other things).

I believe it is possible to incorporate this into your sex life... TOGETHER. What he is doing, even with pics of you is objectifying you... He is placing you in a fantasy world and separating you from his sex life.

I believe there are a great many things you can do for SF together. This may be one of them. It is something that will require trust and openness and honesty rather than slinking off to another room with a box of tissues.

sex is about many things, one of them being **mutual** gratification. If this isn't the highlight of the experience, and only a part of it, maybe you could incorporate it (and even help him/join in)into your sex life.


CV

Yea I'm having a hard time wanting to be intimate though-and can I expect him to just hold off until I can cope? We where intimate 4 times Saturday....I can't keep up.

I know you can bleed during pg, and i know even if it's unlikely you can get pg anytime. But it seems unlikely and awfully convenient timing. But who knows.

I'll ask him about the weekend. He did say "let's stay home alone instead of go to the party Saturday just you and me"

I'm trying to ignore it...it's just nagging. I'm line desperate for her to try and contact me...but I will not contact her. I will not give her the satisfaction.

Tell him to lay off the sex until you have calmed down

He's thinking,(well reacting), with the wrong head

Probably foggy and going through withdrawal

Explain to him it takes intimacy for you to be in the mood, and he isn't cutting it right now in that Dept

The recovery in the books will help that

Marriage is about filling ALL the needs of BOTH partners, and you guys have to LEARN, how to do this yet

I am thinking he wants to stay home, so he can get his SF need filled, and you aren't in the position to do that yet

Yes waywards are selfish, you took away his crack pipe

Hang in there

Thanks. I hope I'm doing the right things. I want to go home and lay down. Veg at tv or something. I'm in pain everywhere from cramps to tummy to hand to heart.

You mentioned church

Might be a good idea

Just remember, God does all things decently and in order, He doesn't hide the truth, and he is not sneaky or a trickster

We are tested to live above our emotions, and he warns us about that too, as well as what it takes to do it

You can call it a belief system, or a way to understand the human spirit from an objective point of view, but it is faith in something larger than yourself, after you have come to the end of your own undersftanding. A trancedance, to rise above.

So have faith , many have been where you are, and you can trust in the plan, rest well and trust in it

I'm questioning if the love or trust can ever return. How could he be so stupid.

It will, follow the plan, and be patient

So right now I just focus on watching his everymove and being loving?

My books shipped yesterday

confused and torn,

normal you will do that a lot for a while wondering if it's all worth the effort....
I think the belief that they could do this is the hardest part, accepting that this is who they are. who you thought they were isn't true any longer, hard.......
they are stupid, they don't think normally.....it is like an addiction and all that matters is the affair.......
that man was not your husband......that was someone that was stupid and a fool
following the plan here can find the love again, as far as trusting over time if he shows you he can be it should come back, not like it was before that is gone as well.............you now know that he is capable of making decisions that do not have your best interest at heart..........
You can't expect your world to be the same, it isn't and can't be again.........
You have to build a new life with new terms and go from there.......

you now know that he is capable of making decisions that do not have your best interest at heart.

I think this is it....this is what/why I struggle to understand, accept, and move forward from.

This is why I still doubt, fear, distrust.

Wow, you clarified what I think I've been feeling.

Does it go away?

Thanks, jessi.

Ya I think that's huge. I practically idolized him as this amazing man. Everyone envied us, what we've built from such a young age. And I feel like we've gone from top to bottom in no time flat. It's surreal and hard to accept,

I care to much about what others think also

You can change that.
People pleasers are often dishonest.