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I just find it unacceptable to blame me. He can hold himself accountable, I think we'd all agree with that. I'm having trouble putting it into words, but there's a way you don't put up with any BS but are cordial while doing so. Just try not to completely lose your cool and I think you'll be able to get the message across better. It is, after all, still your decision on whether or not you stay in this marriage. You don't have to be married at all costs, and he should be aware of that the next time he fogbabbles you. And if you find the name of the bozo that slashed the tire, I'd be sending them a bill.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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Yea he jumped the gun. It just needed air. I think I deserve an apology.
Ugh this is really ridiculous
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Oh and his coworkers texted him to let them know they didn't say anything but since I put the situation on Facebook it's "spread like wildfire" and they just want him to know he'll be getting questioned
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Dear HR,
I have been physically threatened by another employee's family member. A police report has been filed. Until this matter is resolved, I feel this is a hostile work environment...
Sincerely,
WH Amen
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Appointment w post nup Atty Tuesday.
There's just some days I feel like I can't do any of this.
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Lately, it does sound like you've been standing in front of the fan when the crap hit.
It sounds cliche, but it does get easier.
I forget, how are you guys on UA time? Have you scheduled it/written it out?
You don't want to get back into the same-old-same-old routine. As an example, every afternoon when I get home my wife and I spend about an hour before supper drinking coffee and visiting. No TV and kids aren't allowed in the room, they play somewhere else. We do this in a small sitting area near the kitchen and not in the living room where we normally are. It should be at a designated place and time.
It'll seem tedious and strange at first, but if you can get into a habit of actually spending time with each other, it'll help. You just kind of have to bulldoze your way through it sometimes.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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I didn't think to write it out.
we usually shower together after the kids are in bed and talk then.
With an 18month old and a very short timeframe for bed bath it might be hard to do while they are up.
We have done some time like that between 7-8...sending dd5 to her room for a movie before bed. Little one is down at 7
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Ok I'll try.
I just find it unacceptable to blame me. He can hold himself accountable, You find it unacceptable because it IS unacceptable. North said it well: tell him to knock off the pity party.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Ok so restraining order for OWs dad
He gets different hours then fo r now
Just because you want the other job and there is a time limit
There is a time limit
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I didn't think to write it out.
we usually shower together after the kids are in bed and talk then.
With an 18month old and a very short timeframe for bed bath it might be hard to do while they are up.
We have done some time like that between 7-8...sending dd5 to her room for a movie before bed. Little one is down at 7 Why don't you and H talk about it, see what you can come up with. You can back up the 18-month old's bedtime to 6:30, the 5-yr old's to 7:30 or so (that's what our's do/did) and pick up a little time that way. Just make a habit of it and it'll seem like second-nature before too long.
Me (BH)
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Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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What kind of time limit?
Good idea. I think I need a new list of requirements.
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I'm exhausted. And I'm getting so much opinions.
People telling me what I should and shouldn't do. People telling me they don't see how my marriage can survive this, how I don't deserve this, how once (twice) a cheater always a cheater, how I can't live my life tracking and recording and wondering.
I can't do all this. I feel like im breaking
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Just make a decision for yourself, go what you feel in your gut......
If you chose to work it out, stick to the plan, be patient and your future will work out for you.......
Slowly you carve out a great marriage out of everything you have learned........together........think of the things you can teach your children, commitment, forgiveness........and many other lessons along the way......how to be married the right way, in a loving way.........making time for each other......wanting to make each other happy.......
You didn't get to this place over night, you won't get to the new place overnight either................
BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
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The only path worth taking is the path you are willing to set. You can run or you can make it work. This isn't fair, will never be fair, and no amount of time will make it fair.
There are tens of thousands of marriages on this forum that have been saved.
You can either walk the path they took to save their marriage, or you can walk your own path. You have that choice.
Whatever path you decide is one you have to live with for the rest of your life.
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Yea I guess that's true.
It's just so hard to know if he's sorry...remorseful..,going to do it again
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He just emailed me
I am very upset at the fact that our emotional needs are not being met right now but I am not going to let anyone else meet them for me. I am not going to have anyone of the opposite sex talk to me intimately or provide me affection and certainly no body of the opposite sex will make love to me. I have reserved all of these things exclusively for you and from here forth I will get my act together and treat you with the love and respect you deserve.
�
Love
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He just emailed me
I am very upset at the fact that our emotional needs are not being met right now but I am not going to let anyone else meet them for me. I am not going to have anyone of the opposite sex talk to me intimately or provide me affection and certainly no body of the opposite sex will make love to me. I have reserved all of these things exclusively for you and from here forth I will get my act together and treat you with the love and respect you deserve.
�
Love If he's sincere, this is a good start. We are nearly recovered here at the voyager house 3 years after I found out about my w's 2 A's. It van be done.
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Thank you for the reassurance Celtic.
It's just so tough with so much advice and emotion and unknown. Im a wreck knowing he is at that office today.
Luckily I know several people there who are keeping an eye, and ow works on another floor. So that should help. He sent me a google map invite so I can see him on google maps at all times...I thought that was cool. He texted me his coordinates whe he got to work.
I made him change his hours so he leaves when I leave...and the babysitter knows he should get the kids by 420. He is spending his lunch at my office.s
Ugh still rough
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Im a wreck knowing he is at that office today. You will continue to be a wreck as long as this continues. Your M will continue to be a wreck as long as this continues. Neither of you will ever even begin to heal as long as this continues. Only you can decide if the job security was worth risking everything.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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watch out of google, it is way off alot of the time. I used to get mad at my husband untill I saw he was in Hong Kong while sitting right next to me on the couch...... It will trigger you if it is wrong and it will not be his fault at all.
No we are from Tennessee.
Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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