I think he needs to be walked along this Mel. Baby steps through it. Just my thoughts on this. There is a lot of fear here.

CV, he's talking about exposure to his WW's family, not the boy's family.

He's avoiding the whole business of disclosing the A to the boy's family.

I think we have walked him along for quite some time now. Taking "baby steps" is not getting him anywhere. As we can see. We need to be encouraging him to do the right thing.

Taking baby steps will make this worse because it means he has to deal with multiple explosions from his wife. He can barely deal with one. If he had exposed this all in one fell swoop, he would be dealing with ONE blow up. And since he is such a fearful person, this just makes it all the harder.

LL, get this done, dammit. Don't drag this out. If you are going to infuriate your wife, then do it once and make it worthwhile. Doing a little exposure at a time is a disaster.

Each day that goes by makes it that much easier for LL to talk himself into believing that disclosure to the child's parents is unnecessary.

LL has had plenty of time to comes to terms with what has happened. He needs to take action now.

He is full of fear....Fear is the enemy right now.

LL, Be a man.... Show your sons what a man does, even if it is hard. Show the other family that your family is not like every other family.... You will stand for what is right.

I like CV's suggestion....but however you do it, Just Do It!

LL

I am an eternal optimist and hope you are out doing the full exposure, making the boys parents the priority, and have done it all in one day.

Is it done?

Duh-erp. Sorry, I totally misread...

LL YOU NEED TO EXPOSE TO THE BOY"S FAMILY!!!!! ASAP

Lad, I finally talked about my WS today, there is no one now that doesn't know. I understand the shame, embarisment and humilitation that you feel. I felt it too.
You know what, It does feel soooooo much better to get this horrible secret of your chest.

The parents might be upset at first with the messenger, but they will soon realize that it is not your fault, you were doing the right thing by telling them.

You would want to know if it was your child, right ?

Please talk to them.

I prayed for you today, I prayed that you will have the wisdom and strength to do the right thing.

I just want to raise this, as there wasnt time when we all trying to make you see it was immoral to keep this info from the boys parents.

Of course they should be told regardless of the effect on your marriage. But I find it curious you think exposure will end, instead of save, your marriage....

You have been reading here for months, yet seem to have a very shaky grasp on what exposure does.

Without exposure

Wife cake eats. Never allows herself to think of her actions as shameful. Tells OM she is only with you for the kids. Tells you whatever to keep you in line without you leaving her. You constantly miserable because your wife is cold, hard distant and only loving when she wants something for you. The addiction gets worse and worse. Your kids no longer recognise their mother.

With exposure

Wife is shamed beyond belief and furious with you. She is forced to see her actions as shameful and doesnt like it. Wife finds it difficult to sneak around and see OM now every one knows. The affair takes a major hit and either dies or stutters.

If you havent read it I'll give you the words Dr H uses to sum up the job you have to do.

YOUR MARRIAGE CAN SURVIVE HER ANGER, BUT IT CANNOT SURVIVE AN AFFAIR

This too, is just false logic. You seem to think that she is in a position of power and in a position to choose the 'best' man.

When she doesnt choose you, instead of you recognising it as addiction to something cheap and nasty, you pin the blame on yourself.

So you have launched a 'Mr Nice' campaign hoping that she will like that better than her addiction.

She is no queen on a throne pointing a sceptre at the man of her choice...

She is wallowing in a drug den -with a KID! She is miserable and only half sane (youve seen her depression, havent you?)

You need to drag her out of there. You need the help of others to achieve this. You need the kids parents, to get him the he77 away from her and vice versa.

Please please please stop worrying about what everyone will think of YOU

Stop worrying about making your wife mad at YOU

Please tell me that you arent posting because you have been out doing a great job at exposure.

And that when your wife gets mad, you will simply and calmly say:

IT WAS TO SAVE OUR MARRIAGE. Now do you want a cookie?

LL,

Stop delaying..... Call His parents. You are making it worse and making yourself look guilty by not calling now.

Whats happening?

Sorry I haven't been back for a while. Her parents are gone and I can't reach them, they don't answer anyway.
The OM's parents won't take my calls. So I went to their house and they(father and friend) slamed the door in my face and would not let me in.
I should have caught this all on film. This would make the movies the crap I've been through the last few days.

WHAT???????????? Are you telling us that perfect strangers slammed their door in your face, having NO IDEA what you wanted??

Do they have some idea why you would be calling on them? They never knew prior to this, and now you're telling us they're 'slamming the door' in your face? Why would they do that?

Something isn't adding up, here. And I hope you're not wasting our time by lying to us.

But I've got your fix, LL - ready? GO TO THE SCHOOL THAT THE VICTIM OF YOUR WW'S MOLESTATION ATTENDS. TELL THE SECRETARY THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE PRINCIPAL TO TALK ABOUT THE MOLESTATION OF ONE OF THEIR STUDENTS. BELIEVE ME, YOU'LL BE LISTENED TO.

Why did he do that?

They already knew that there was talking, texting and hugging, but not the "rest of the story".
Their kid and them are in counseling over this, yet don't know everything.
Sorry you don't trust or believe what I say, maritalbliss, but I can't control your feelings.
I've tried to tell everything and it's hard to get everything in.
I'm doing the best I can to do the right thing.

You don't know any of this if they slammed the door in your face.

I THINK YOU ARE LYING. What are they in counseling over - a hug? They're slamming their door in your face over a hug?

I THINK YOU ARE LYING. I just don't know why.

LL, how about enlisting the aide of a local pastor?

Do I have to spell it out!!! Kissing & hugging, sexting, pix, over 10K of texts in one month. Didn't think YOU needed to know every single detail, but I was wrong.
We know these people, we know the kid, its a small town.