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Confuscious say:
If you don't want a divorce, don't facilitate a divorce!"
(Well, he woulda said that, unless he'd been reincarnated as a divorce lawyer!) LOL...needed that
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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I know what you mean, I havent seen my WH in months and I am so much stronger! I would forgive him but no way would I endure his nonsense ever again.
When you have a firm plan and are no longer relying on what 'She said' as your guide (exhausting - right?) You will go from strength to strength. Yes, exhausting. I've lost 16 lbs maybe more. I used to go to the gym every day. Now I don't have the energy (yet).
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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Thanks for asking...the exposure plan is going slow, but I'm trying to be thorough as most everyone already knows that she had the affair. I copied all of her FB contacts so I can tell those that are closer to her and might have an influence. I still have access to her gmail account and I copied those contacts too. Good man! Do you see a facebook page for the OM and his wife?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You will. You will be amazed at how empowered you are about to get.
Are you getting sleep? Making the most of this break? Eating? You have a hill to climb!
It took me months to get back to the gym, dont worry about that. Your to do list for now reads
1) sleep
2) eat
3) exposure
4) get good friends around you
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Thanks for asking...the exposure plan is going slow, but I'm trying to be thorough as most everyone already knows that she had the affair. I copied all of her FB contacts so I can tell those that are closer to her and might have an influence. I still have access to her gmail account and I copied those contacts too. Good man! Do you see a facebook page for the OM and his wife? No they don't have a FB. I have two emails for the OM.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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You will. You will be amazed at how empowered you are about to get.
Are you getting sleep? Making the most of this break? Eating? You have a hill to climb!
It took me months to get back to the gym, dont worry about that. Your to do list for now reads
1) sleep
2) eat
3) exposure
4) get good friends around you I am sleeping more. This is actually my second day of being alone. I had a friend come visit last night and we talked and watched football. I have some good friends helping me, but they are just as confused as I am. LOL
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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I just sent my command some emails from the OM and my W. Let's see what happens...
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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GJM,
You sent the emails to more than one person?
God Bless
Gamma
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No, I only sent it through my chain of command because of the protocal we have to go through.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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GJM,
The exposure clock is ticking and the ball is rolling. The next thing they'll do is bring OM in and read him his rights.
The cat will be out of the bag at that point and she and OM will go into damage control mode.
They'll start calling family and telling them that you're crazy and are under the delusion that she's having an affair.
This will really hurt the impact of your exposure.
OMW is a lost cause for now, but keep trying.
Expose immediately to her family, her friends, and anyone in your family you want support from.
I also know the fear you have about exposing to your own family. How will they ever accept her after what she's done?
Well, I regret not exposing to mine.
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I have told my family. I just need to tell her sister and her boss. The last time I told them (2009), they didn't seem to care. They supported her no matter what. They're just as disfunctional as she is. They don't value marriage as I do and they think I'm trying to turn them against her.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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Tell them anyway just to let them know. You arent just after active discouragement (althought its bloody good when it happens) What your after is giving WW a feeling like she's surrounded 'everyone knows' 'I cant spin him as a real boyfriend now' 'people are talking' etc.
Dont forget about OMs family friends
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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let them know that you simply want their support in your effort to save your marriage and ask for their help in ending the affair.
It's good to have support on your end.
Tell your kids.
You should read G6's thread. He is in the same place as you are but he's got the exposure ball rolling slowly right now. It's slow, but it's rolling.
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Sad thing is, I'm not angry anymore. I should be because that would help me get through this. I will be with my kids this evening. Would a letter to the OMW be inappropriate? You're not angry because you are following a plan. That's a great thing! Anger is just spent energy. You should talk to OMW personally.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Sorry.  I got the two of you mixed up. He should come read yours. 
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D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I noticed that there is a couple of letter formats to expose WW. Is the format for use in writing or should it be in a phone call?
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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I noticed that there is a couple of letter formats to expose WW. Is the format for use in writing or should it be in a phone call? The key exposures will be to the OM's wife and your children. What are your plans for that? Those should be done in person if possible. Whether or not you expose via letter or phone call depends on the person. For her parents, I would call them up, tell them about the affair and ask them to use their influence to persuade her to end her affair. Give them the facts about the OM, that he is a married man. GJM, don't make the mistake of doing a trickle exposure. It will backfire on you. Go large or go home!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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