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 hmmmm, I am not getting that. I suspect he is not showing any remorse and it has ticked her off royally. And she is right to be ticked off. With a wayward HUSBAND, if he does not have hat in hand then he is not really sincere. And I believe he is not sincere because the affair is still on and has just gone further underground. Do you have the book Surviving an Affair? If not, please go get that today from the bookstore and read it. You need to read the story of Sue and Jon. And this is not bad news that the OM is moving out because it will likely flush the affair out into the open. That will cause more conflict because they both have so much to lose due to this affair. Without the OMW meeting his needs, it will all fall to your wife and she won't/can't meet his needs. That will cause more conflict.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The OM now has lost his wife and home for an affair that he can't even openly pursue because of his military status. He has some serious choices to make, and one of them will get him in big legal trouble.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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According to her, he isn't easily broken, but he knows he has a lot to lose and has been stressed out about what's going to happen to him at work. She said he needs a few days for reality to sink in. He's acting like he isn't going anywhere and is dragging his feet. She isn't sure that he will go to those apts, but she thinks it's possible. I don't have the book, but I will get it.
What should I do in the mean time?
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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What should I do in the mean time? Get your house cleaned up and ready for your Thanksgiving gathering! Just keep being a great father to your kids and try to not allow her drama and selfishness distract from your family. You are doing a great job, GJ!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thank you 
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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According to her, he isn't easily broken, but he knows he has a lot to lose and has been stressed out about what's going to happen to him at work. She said he needs a few days for reality to sink in. He's acting like he isn't going anywhere and is dragging his feet. She isn't sure that he will go to those apts, but she thinks it's possible. I don't have the book, but I will get it.
What should I do in the mean time? This is all good stuff, GJM! My money is on him staying in his marital home. Less than a week ago you were told OMW wanted to work on her marriage. Now she's ready to give him the boot. She's on the rollercoaster. They may well end up in hysterical bonding before the evening is out.  He's got enough stress going on right now. I doubt he'll compound it by going through the whole business of moving out. The whole world is now crashing down on his head. And you know why? Because he thought it'd be a good idea to boink your WW. I suspect she's not looking like a good option for him anymore.  In the meantime, take care of those kids. Do something fun with them tonight. Make homemade pizza with them - let each one pick his own topping. And be good to yourself.
Last edited by maritalbliss; 11/20/11 02:09 PM.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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No she isn't a good option for him anymore. His career is at risk and she is worried about getting fired from her job.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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No she isn't a good option for him anymore. His career is at risk and she is worried about getting fired from her job. Those are the consequences they face, my friend. As they de-fog, they'll realize that they also faced much bigger consequences in the possible loss of their marriages and families. I find the Chef to be very child-friendly for pizza making. ![[Linked Image from graphics.samsclub.com]](http://graphics.samsclub.com/images/products/0006414404276_LG.jpg)
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Atena says CHEF BOYARDEE is rolling over in his grave at what we Americans did to his eye-talian food. Silly foreigners do not appreciate good food! Apparently she has never had Spaghetti-o's! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Apparently she has never had Spaghetti-o's! With meatballs, yum! (And if anyone says that's not real meat I'll punch him in the nose!  ) I just bought some yesterday - a buck a can! So they're economical, too! Okay, GJM, I'll quit t/j'ing your thread...I think I'll go crack a can open and microwave it up with some bread and butter...
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Thanks for the laugh. I needed that.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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She kicked him out because she feels he isn't learning or taking responsibility for his actions. She said he needs to feel the heat and she's tired of hurting with him around. A LOT of that being demonstrated in your neck of the woods, it seems! On an earlier post you expressed doubts about you knowledge of what conditions would have to be set/met before prodigal WW eventually gets let back into the family home. Firstly, that is EXACTLY the reason I brought it up as early as this - because you cannot be expected to know that, instinctively. Secondly, that's what we're here for. In the shortened version, to get you thinking, the answers are: - Ironclad Extraordinary Precautions
- Absolute Transparency
- Commitment to the MB Affair Recovery Program (UA, RH, etc)
And, as an aside, dude: You're doing great. I know you think you're in a pit (and thanx to WW, you are!), but you're doing great not digging it any deeper, and working to find the way out!
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GJM,
I wanted to respond, A few pages back you wrote..
I told him to get the truth out. He said nothing has happened since Sept. I said I wanted to make sure your W knew the truth.
Very controlled and mature.
There are consequence for your actions and now two families are destroyed because of you.
Really glad you told him that, instead of calling him names, you objectively described the damage he did, that will really sink in, much more effective than a punch in the mouth even.
You are doing really well,stay the course, and remember you are recovering from two affairs not one.
Take care of your family so much so that your W can't help but want to be a part of it again.
Another bonus in the unlikely case you do divorce you have nothing to hide from the next partner.
God Bless
Gamma
Last edited by Gamma; 11/20/11 04:36 PM.
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Spaghetti-o's!....With meatballs, yum!  Sorry, but you'd be better fed eating the paper wrapper on the can! GJM, I just bumped the "What's for Dinner?" thread on the "Other Topics" board. Check some of those recipes out!
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Thanks Gamma and NeverGuessed!
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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Now she's asking for cell and bank passwords!
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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Do I give them or no? I'm the primary on the cell phone.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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Should be the opposite and you need to secure your finances accordingly.
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Personally, I would NOT be giving her any passwords.
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I don't want to get in trouble if I don't give them.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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