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Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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Now she's asking for cell and bank passwords! HELL NO. In fact, if she has access to your bank account and you have any money in there, you had better move it. If she has access to any money, then you need to block it. Let her know that because she has proven to be untrustworthy, you are not giving her access to anything.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Exactly what I asked myself...WW? 
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Just say in your best plan A voice
"I don't feel comfortable giving you that information. If I felt confident in our marriage, I am sure it wouldn't bother me, but it does honey."
If she asks for it again just politely say "No. I won't right now."
Don't get into arguments or discussions about it. If she tries to get into one say "I won't discuss this right now."
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Just tell her the answer is no. Unless she demonstrates trustworthy behavior and lives at home, she can't have access to any of that. Be FIRM and straight up.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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WW said one way or another she's going to get it. She says she has a right to it because we're still married. She said that proves I'm hiding something. I called my cell company and changed the pass code. Things are so jacked up right now. I think I've lost her for good. She said she doesn't give a rat's a** what I do and to have fun doing it.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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She is still very angry about having her despicable behavior exposed. She will calm down. Try not to get swayed by her babble.
YOU'RE DOING GREAT!
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You should also call and tell them to note the account that she does not have access. I know so much about my husband that I guessed his pass code first try..... Yes, I called the cell company of the Affair phone and had it cut off on him becuase he put the "usual" password on it.
Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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Again, no lovebusting or engaging in discussion about it.
She can say whatever she wants and you do not visibly react to it.
If she wants to get a lawyer to try to force you to give her access.....she is free to do that, you just stay cool and strong. Shrug it off as best as you can. Do not get nasty about it though. Breathe.
Amazingly, one trait you can develop dealing with a wayward spouse is to be unflappable seeming and calm in the face of things that previously would have aggitated you to the max. It is one of the few plusses to the whole miserable experience.
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Do I give them or no? I'm the primary on the cell phone. OH, hell NO, you don't. But be nice - tell her you'll get those to her right away. And then don't do it. Get to the bank tomorrow and get the money out, if you haven't done so already. Put the money in an account in your own name IN ANOTHER BANK. Leave a minimal amount in the current checking account. Take everything else. THEN give her the banking info.
Last edited by maritalbliss; 11/20/11 08:46 PM.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I don't want to get in trouble if I don't give them. Like, what - she's going to stop being courteous with you?? That kind of trouble?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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WW said one way or another she's going to get it. She says she has a right to it because we're still married. She said that proves I'm hiding something. I called my cell company and changed the pass code. Things are so jacked up right now. I think I've lost her for good. She said she doesn't give a rat's a** what I do and to have fun doing it. She's being dramatic. Ignore this. But tie up your money. If she was really out to get the money, she wouldn't say a word to you about it. She'd just go to the bank on Monday and pull out the money. Tie up the family money.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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When I said I would get in trouble, I meant through the military. They have a say in how I support my WW. I pay for the bills, her gas and groceries so I know that won't be a problem. I changed all of the accounts to make sure that I am protected.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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When I said I would get in trouble, I meant through the military. They have a say in how I support my WW. I pay for the bills, her gas and groceries so I know that won't be a problem. I changed all of the accounts to make sure that I am protected. Well done. You've done what you can do.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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DS8 asked to call WW and they talked for a bit. WW asked to talk to DS11 and he said no. DS8 heard her start crying before she hung up. I feel bad, but I know that it's a good thing in a way.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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Sorry that this is happening, but yes, WW needs to feel the consequences...hard.
You are doing great, GJM.
Your poor babies have to feel the pain, too. WW needs to know this with no shelter.
Stay strong.
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Because DS11 wouldn't talk to WW on the phone, she texts me that she wants longer custody visits. She said that it's not fair that I get to keep the base housing and reap all the benefits when this is the kids' home. And that every time the kids are with her, she has to work twice as hard to get them to talk to her. I said I didn't want her to move out and this is her home too. She said "ya I know." I said the kids need both of us equally and she said maybe. I asked her if she wanted me to give up our home and she said she didn't know. WW said that she was with them for 13 years and I was gone. I didn't reply to that because I know it's not true.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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Because DS11 wouldn't talk to WW on the phone, she texts me that she wants longer custody visits. This is a good opportunity to let her know that the kids don't want to spend more time with her and you won't force them. Let her know how much her abandonment has hurt them and tell her you aren't going to force them. It is up to her to mend her relationship, but tell her you won't force the kids to stay with her or speak to her. Don't use the kids to appease her and DON'T protect her from the consequences of her bad behavior. It is in all your best interest for her to suffer the consequences of her behavior. It is not in their best interest to get dragged out of their home to compensate for her selfish, destructive behavior.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She's gaslighting you.
Let her stew. You stay calm.
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After today's events, I feel like she's planning something sneaky. She's losing her grasp and is backed in a corner and I think she's trying everything she can to point the finger at me or make me suffer. She wants to meet tomorrow and talk about the custody arrangement some more.
Last edited by GJM; 11/20/11 11:43 PM.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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