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She isn't asking me to drop the charges. When I asked her why she cared about his career, she said she didn't. Hasn't been brought up since. WW didn't come over after work like she said she would, but I had to leave anyway for dentist appts with the kids.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
Hang in there, stick with the plan a good plan wins the war, standing up for your marriage and family is unbelievably brave.......... we are proud of you and we are here for support and encouragement.......
BW 56 WH 57 Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that..... DS 23, DS 25 D-Day Nov 23/09 NC Mar 1/10 Working on Recovery Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
OM had a friend call me to try to convince me to stop getting him in trouble.
I think you need to be careful how you answer comments like that, because it's a subtle attempt as branding YOU as the trouble maker.
An example of a response that throws the ball right back into OM's court: "The OM chose to get into trouble by committing adultery. What is happening to him now is a consequence of his choices." And repeat that mantra any time someone suggests that YOU are the cause of the trouble that's happening to the OM.
ManInMotion =========== (see "MiM's Story" for more details)
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
WW came over and threatened to take the kids to another county. She made lots of threats and said she would go to my command to get the credit card statements and cell phone bill passwords. We talked for about 30 minutes and stood firm. I recorded the conversation though. She was trying to gain leverage and scare me into giving her the passwords. I don't know what's going to happen now. She said she made the story up about sleeping with the OM and it didn't really happen. She said she just said that to end the marriage. Needless to say, she left angry and without the kids or passwords. She was very disrespectful and cussed me out.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
Way to stand firm!! Why do you think she wants the cell phone passwords and cc statements so badly?
And if she is threatening to snatch the kids, I would contact your attorney tomorrow and get primary custody in place. CAn you file on grounds of adultery?
Quote
She said she made the story up about sleeping with the OM and it didn't really happen.
She is trying to protect the OM. You realize this, right?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
I have a bad feeling that your wife might be one of WW's who gets you kicked out of your home or files a false restraining order in order to discredit you. We have actually had WW's STAGE a beat down in the BH's home with the help of the WW's OM and call the police.
I think your WW and the OM are desperate and desperate people take desperate measures. Protect yourself!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Before you do anything with the audio: Make sure you live in a two party state.
You have a lawyer? Threats to take the kids out of the country aren't to be taken lightly. Is she foreign?
If you live in a one party state, then your audio is admissable. If it's not, then get rid of it because it is a criminal offense to record a conversation unless both parties consent (two party states).
Her huffing and puffing is just that. Your chain of command can't order you to do such things and have their hands tied.
Her only recourse is to get a lawyer and force the law to make you hand over bank records and such, and that only comes after you enter the discovery process. You won't be compelled to give passwords.
Your chain can't force you to give her money either. She can't go demand it from your chain. Your leadership's hands are tied unless there is a court order.
Understand that and be secure in knowing that nothing can happen without a court order, to include having your wages garnished and given to her. To do that she needs to file legal papers and a decision needs to be made by a judge.
Your chain doesn't have control of your life outside of your official duties.
I say this to you as a landlord with former Army tenants I evicted. His chain couldn't force him to pay my rent. All they could do was tell them to stop living together and point him to resources to help him get his life in order.
They couldn't talk to me about much. It was an eye opener in terms of seeing how little the chain of command actually controls.
Did I say country? I meant county. After hearing her try to destroy me, I don't think we will have a marriage. She pushed me as well. She also said f**** you to me and she is losing more and more respect for me. WW said she's getting a lawyer and I should too. All this because of passwords and she got caught. I said you're not going to use my kids as leverage to strong arm me. She never did go to my command. Although, I don't think she's done yet.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
Oh man, I so wish you would have called the cops and got a restraining order!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
It sounds like the OM and she are in communication and he is in a state of aggitation due to his wife getting tough with him. Your WW is attempting to pull out the stakes to 1. get you to do her bidding 2. to get you riled to justify her actions
Do not get riled. Don't be talking about your marriage is over since she is acting this way. She is a wayward and they act this way. It is nothing too unusual. It means you are messing with her fantasy high. Say she does go out and get a lawyer. Big whoop. It means her OM is very attractive to her and he wants her to get busy getting free like him (since his wife kicked him to the curb). Fantasy / reality time! Boo ya!
Definitey look into a custody proclamation of your kids for yourself. Call a couple lawyers and see if you need to file something to keep the kids in your county.
Stay level headed. Learn to protect yourself but not to add to the toxic situation by feeding her desire to get you to do so.Every single interaction with her should be calm, firm, plan A unless you wind up going to a plan B and if you do so.....you do so with clear, concise planning and preparation.
Only if we're out of our home made stuff and in a hurry. Mid's Sauce - and it's danged tasty. Google it and order it post-haste - it's not available everywhere.
Last edited by maritalbliss; 11/21/1110:11 PM.
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
Did I say country? I meant county. After hearing her try to destroy me, I don't think we will have a marriage. She pushed me as well. She also said f**** you to me and she is losing more and more respect for me. WW said she's getting a lawyer and I should too. All this because of passwords and she got caught. I said you're not going to use my kids as leverage to strong arm me. She never did go to my command. Although, I don't think she's done yet.
You're listening to a wild-eyed addict. Ignore this.
Don't let her touch you. Do you have a VAR that you can hide to record these conversations?
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
GJ, why do you think she wants your CC and cellphone passwords so badly?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
She thinks I'm out to get her. I think she just wants the OMW phone number. She thinks I'm being sneaky with money. She started texting me that she was sorry for everything....I'll see if I can paste the conversation here. So much typing.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
ahhhhhhh, thats why!! She wants to find out when and how often you are calling the OMW! That makes perfect sense.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
I always enjoy a little intellectual back-and-forth with ol' NG.
