Wow... so you warned him it was coming though. And he agreed to it? What if WS doesn't agree to it?

I love hearing from you GloveOil b/c you are from "the other side" if ykwim so thank you for your replies!

If I expose lets say Friday... Monday is probably better, no? so they have to live with it the whole week at work? Friday gives them the weekend to recover and sweep under the rug...

Anyway, if I expose Friday, I will certainly lose all my access to passwords, computers, etc. I will have revealed all of my snooping sources - then what? Especially if I get the brush off on the email? Is it really enough evidence?

Yes, he could. But, if you include a "annual poly", or a "whenever you see fit poly" in your demands, he knows if he screws up you are done.

My FWH has had 2 poly's thus far.

He passed both of them, his second one was this last July. When I scheduled this one he confessed to a few minor (I don't take lightly) infractions...ie...tried to look up a name on fb, looked at porn, and drank once. All against our EP's.

After that fiasco and revelation, he now knows if he even commits a "minor" infraction of our EP's he is "outta here!"

Now, he tells me of any and all women that he comes in contact with. It may seem/sound awkward at first, but it has become second nature to him, and it makes me feel safe. And.. He and I both know that if another poly comes around....he has to pass if he wants to be a part of THIS family.

He does not even make eye contact with women, no talking to women,(unless it's work related, and I hear about it) and the list goes on.... Some would think he is an A-hole (to women) but, that's fine with me.

I have to brag a little here....when my FWH does presentations to groups, he puts our picture up on the powerpoint screen either before or after the gig. It's gotten a lot of positive responses, and it shows that he is happily "taken" and proud of me! (he did it just today)

This can be turned around POM, I wouldn't be telling you all this if I did not believe in the MB concepts.

Keep up the good work!

I would expose with what you have. Your husband has admitted to an affair with OW#1 so there is your evidence. You can also include the information about OW#2 and say that this is a possible affair also. Give her husband what you have.

After you expose you give your husband your conditions like I said. If he doesn't agree to them all, ask him to leave. Once he leaves, you go into Plan B.

Yes, he needs to know the questions up front, it gives him plenty of time to lose sleep over it.


If he doesnt' agree...

If you have listed it as part of your demands to stay in the M, and he won't do it, then he is not committed to recovering your M

I would expose on Friday. Your H won't be able to sweep it under the rug unless he is in touch with the OW, and he won't be. I would do it on Friday because that will give you time to deal with the fallout. And they may not speak to him at work until Monday, so don't tell him what you have done.

The affair needs to be exposed to the Director of Human Resources, a key VP and both their supervisors.

He is probably reading here. Does he have spyware on your computer?

Ok - what if he won't leave (because I'm fairly certain he won't)?

Also - with exposing to OW#2's husband, I only have his FB page right now. I can message him but that's about it - I have no idea if she's in his account or not - what if she intercepts?

ETA: Oh and how do I expose to the OW#2? Oh please, please tell me I get to say whatever I want to her! Something along the lines of:
Dear Skank #2,
Do me a favor and stop craving my husband and tend to yours. He was cheating on you too so you aren't even his only special little skank.

Ok. It felt good to write it LOL

What makes you say that? Nah...not at all... I don't think so. We are both computer techs and he is so wrapped up in his own secrecy, lies, and cover up that he doesn't even notice me googling polygraph tests right under his nose.

The reason for his remorse I think is that he felt guilty because the excuse I gave him for rushing to the doctor last minute like this is that I was concerned about the pregnancy. It freaked him out a bit. I want to believe it's genuine remorse but it's probably just that.

Then make plans to file for divorce/separation and get him out legally.


C'mon, this is stuff you can figure out!

I'm not an expert in that area...the vets can help ya there.


does he have a business name? email address? have you plugged his name in to intelius?

I would email him or call. (imo)


I had to laugh here...I didn't find MB until months after my DDay, and I was too scared to do anything like that. But, now that I have grown some.... I think of all kinds of creative things that I would like to say to the OW's.

Anyhow, the OW already knows she is boinking your H, no need to remind her. Though it would make one feel better.....

So some of you say I can Expose and then continue to Plan A for about 3 - 4 weeks. But doesn't that send a conflicting message?

I can see how this is going to go down:

I'm going to confront him about OW#2 and tell him total transparency is what it will take to keep me in the marriage (essentially an ultimatum), he is going to say "too bad, I guess we are at an impasse", he'll change all his passwords again, say that *I'm* destroying the marriage by continuing to do dig things up that are insignificant instead of focusing on the "real problem" which is [according to him] me & my not meeting his needs for 3 years - and then I'm going to continue to meet all his needs for 3 weeks and make him romantic dinners like nothing ever happened? Oh, all the while insisting on transparency over and over again and having him continue to deny it to me because I'm sitting there treating him like gold anyway?

How in the world is that supposed to work? It sends the message that my ultimatums mean nothing and that I will continue to kiss his butt while he continues to cheat on me.

Here are the other things he's going to say:
"You are so selfish. Stop consuming yourself with insignificant BS and focus on your pregnancy. TRY to relax for the baby. Lets please focus on having a healthy baby and you stop making this all about you like it's been for the past 3 years"

"I knew you wouldn't be able to get past this. I guess we are done because YOU can't get over some meaningless nothing words that I exchanged with someone else THAT YOU CAUSED to begin with"

"I refuse to live with you constantly peeling through all my private information. What kind of life is that? I have nothing to hide. I don't do that to you. I don't need to do that to trust you. It's the principle - you know how I am"

"I already told you. I am here for my FAMILY. I am here for you. I want this to work. What more do you want?"

The fog is so dense with this one...

Just as an aside... My FWW (and I suspect other FWS' here) also said tons of stuff during the A. "I don't love you", "you're selfish", "you are the type of person I would never marry", "this is your fault"...

deep down they know this is bull-puckey. In reality, they know that those things are true, but about themselves and not the BS.

Yes, you expose the affair and then you sit down with him and give him your conditions.[ULTIMATUMS] He either agrees or he moves out and you go into Plan B. If he says what you said above you will know he is not serious about making a radical 180 change and committing to your marriage.

The reason is because you don't have a marriage unless he does those things.

I don't understand where your confusion lies.

I think I understand your confusion now. Moving out is not Plan B. Ask him to move out now if he won't agree to your terms. And he probably won't because your husband is a gaslighter and a manipulator, so it will take some serious action on your part for him to believe you are serious.

Get him out and then take a week or two in Plan A to get prepared for Plan B. Plan B will take some preparation. But the first step is to get him out.

My confusion lies in the Plan A part. How can I Plan A AFTER giving him an ultimatum of do it my way or leave? Or am I giving him my demands with a 3 week timeline for him to meet them?

And lets say he chooses neither:
"I'm not leaving MY house. We will just stay married for the kids, but we are done"

Also can anyone point me toward some exposure success story threads? Yes the fear is there - I'd like to see some stories/examples of where this tactic is not going to completely destroy any chances of recovery.

You are missing the point, the same point that everyone seems to miss when they arrive here.

You don't have any chance of recovery unless you do this. NONE. Not now, not ever.

You may have a chance to not divorce and stay in a marriage like you have now. If that is your goal, then go for it.

You have NO CHANCE OF A RECOVERED MARRIAGE now.

You do Plan A.


What will you do? I need you to be a little more proactive here. What will you do?


You can read through the threads on the website. What we are telling you are best practices as advised by Dr. Harley.