I don't know if I have point blank asked but shouldn't the hurt he is causing by not doing it and his love for me be enough motivation?

Well, yes. It should be, but one thing I have seen in several FWS' is that they are often gripped with inaction because of fear of messing up.

CV

I guess looking back I have been gasslighted for awhile to the point of just letting things go. For example last night when he said he thought he was doing good and asked me what he was doing wrong I pointed out that there were several calls on his phone that he didn't tell me about and they are not numbers that I know. One of his EPs was to tell me without having to ask. His response (not in anger) "im about ready to just say I don't need a phone".

Anything that I complain about gets blown way out of proportions that I just learned not to complain.

Also anoither ep that papa bear worked hard on him with was how to comfort me when I get upset like I was last night. He was supposed to hold me and comfort me..... instead I sat in the bathroom floor sobbing for 30 mins untill I pulled it together and went to bed. I had upset and hurt him by posting my disappointment.

Ah. Ok. So he is relaxing in his EP's and filling your ENs. I am assuming you have reminded him of the non-negotiables, here.

Maybe removing the phone all together is what's needed for a while.

Yes. He said he didn't realize he was supposed to print out the EPs since I was going over them with them while papa bear. I was pointing out certain points in what papa bear was saying but untill I brought it back up with my list he had not even put them all together so in order for him to even review them he would have had to weed through several posts back and forth.

I told him that list was for him to review and implement daily. Not just so he could say he did the list.

He missed the whole point of the EPs list.

Im wondering about the online courses but im already behind on my house and car so im afraid it will be like all the other programs and he will get 1/2 through and stop and I would be that much worst off.

We life a very simple life where 1000 pays for house and car for a month.

If dtl cannot handle you venting on this forum, a safe alternative to directly blasting him yourself, then he needs to stop reading your thread. It really is that simple!

He doesn't have to be dramatic...

CV, Ok tattle tail here.

he still has several things on that list to do first.

He has given me the list of EPs he and boxed up the R/C stuff so far. I thought it was a pretty simple list and most of it was already thought of but not put on paper. I guess I was wrong.

I compromised on boxing the stuff up because honestly his inactions are telling me that it wont matter later because he is not really wanting to stick around long and can go back to it later after im gone.


I don't know if hat is a valid feeling but it is there. You guys see it because you have called him on it. That is where im getting that he is a renter. I could be wrong but actions speak louder than words.

One thing I've noticed is that there is often the real answer and the right answer.

The right answer is "I want to recover", but the real answer is what's deep down in the heart. What he is really feeling about recovery and this I think sometimes also affects progress.

That may sound to psychologist-ish, but I guess essentially I'm saying that I'd ask him if he is "really" interested in recovery or if he's just biding his time.

He stated that he wants to recover, but I am not sure we have asked DTL what he thinks that looks like.

CV

Good question, I've often asked him in the past if he really loved me or if it was just "convenient".

I thought it was always just my insecurity but I might be getting the vibes from somewhere. I just dont know.

Like I said, I've asked before and he always tells me that it is because he loves me but it has always just been the feeling.

BTW, I gotta admit a little jealousy of you guys being able to live simply like this. It's what we are working towards.

love is always followed by action.

Like in the Bible...

The "thing" (love), is always coupled with love, the action. Like in John where Jesus is asking Peter...

"are you loving me" (it is a present active verb)...

If so, "then feed.."

In other words, if you have love, you are "loving", if you are loving, then your love has actions. In Peter's case, Jesus is telling him If there is love there, then your loving will be seen in what you are doing. (sorry if I sound "preachey" here)

In other words, to put it into music terms (I like Boston)... Yes it is a feeling, but... "it's more than a feeling". It is also action.

See as I understand it, it has to be both. At least biblically. Feelings without substance are shallow and empty. Actions build substance because you invest in them (mentally, emotionally, physically). The real feelings of love come as a result of the actions, because they vest you in it, and I think this is the crux of the problem.

cv

Its not much of a choice as that is all we can afford. We live in North GA so the cost of living is not that much. So like someone in CA might look at 995.00 as "hey thats my car payment" or something like that. Here it is car and house together. The ratio is much higher. Makes 995 look like MUCH more money.

((((hugs luvs)))

Ok, I feel so bad. I'm shut down becuase my mother died in her sleep last night. David is doing everything he can to try to help me but I just have no feelings at all. I'm not sure if it is shock or my meds not letting me feel what I should but I'm just a zombie. He is trying so hard and I see it but I just cant feel it.

Mostly just blogging this. Not really sure if something can be done about it. Just cant explain it.

You just received another devastating blow. Shock is normal. It's going to take time Luvs. Hey, you and DTL and your whole family are in our prayers, ok?

Death isn't normal. It hurts because it's *not* natural. It is a result of the fall. It is one of the reasons why we so eagerly await the redemption of these frail bodies.


CV

luvs

i am so sorry for your loss. you have had a tough year. let david take care of you now. my thoughts and prayers are with you.

unfortunately i know what you are feeling or not. i was the same way after my mom died for a bit. just a blank in zombie land. just complete shock. go easy on yourself.

hugs to you

Yea I think im going to boycott december next year. Anti-versaries, death, ect. Im done with this month. This is the month the A happened last year then all this going on this year.

I had said I wanted christmas to be special this year so I could replace last year with happy memories but fate was not going to let me have it.

Christmas in July anyone?

I'm so sorry, LD, for the loss of your mom! My prayers are with you and your family. It's hard at any time of the year but especially at Christmas and with everything else you have had to deal with.

Please take care of yourself. I don't blame you for thinking of Christmas in July.

Last night was the anti-versary of the night he lied to me where he was going and spent the night with her.

I took a sleeping pill hoping to get a good nights sleep but all it did was lock me in the nightmares all night long. today starts my week of Hel:.

I just hope I can get through it. With Momma gone and I'm putting on a face for my stepdad it is hard.