My wife brought to my attention one of the things I keep messing up. I have a problem of just assuming that when she seems happy that she really is instead of asking her if she is. I know I need to get in the habit of asking her how she feels instead of assuming I know by how she is acting. Does anyone have any tips for me on how to break this habit?

That above quote for example. She asked me how I knew "WE" were doing better.

Still hearing the crickets chirping!

dtl, I'd just like to strongly encourage you to answer HerPapaBear's questions. There's real work here to become a better husband. Stuff has to get done; not just charting your progress and looking for emotional support.

Don't get distracted from the things you need to DO.

here is my ep's

I will make a list of all passwords for email accounts, bank accounts, phone accounts and give this list to my wife. I will update any changes immediately.

I will eliminate or change any old email accounts and I will only have new, necessary, email accounts that my wife has access to.

I will make a seperate key to all vehicles, locks, storage units, etc. and give my wife the spare keys.

I will research and provide a means for GPS tracking of my whereabouts at all times.

I will schedule a polygraph with a professional that my wife is enthusiastic about. I will ask my wife to provide a list of questions for the polygraph that will not be disclosed to me ahead of time.

Part 2
1. I will be open and honest by telling you how I feel, what I�m thinking of , stuff I would like to do
What has happened during the day and letting you know how you are making me feel
2. I will tell you how I am felling ,especially when I�m down and need assurance
3. I will make sure to keep you up dated on what I do and were I go every day
4. I will protect you from being hurt any more I will achieve this by following my ep�s and not ever allowing any form of an affair to happen again and to keep my taker in check
5. I will do what it takes to bring you up when you are down and comfort you when you are hurt I will achieve this by holding you , running my fingers through your hair, gently rubbing your head, giving you a back rub, and telling you how much I love you and how much you mean to me
6. I will tell you immediately if other woman ever tries to contact in any form
7. I will not go on any kind of dating, porn, or personals web sites and wont look at any profiles on forums without your approval first
8. I will not make any plans during the day , without first discussing them with you . And will use poja as a tool in all aspects of our marriage
9. I will be sure that any computer we have will have a key logger on it and you will be the only one with access codes . I will also maintain a gps tracking on my phone
10. I will always give access to any of my items any time you want (cell phone ,truck, tool boxes ,ect )
11. I will let you know any time I have to work late as soon as I find out about it
12. I will avoid talking to any one of the opposite sex about any thing personal or emotional
13. I will always put you at the top of my priorities. I will achieve this by sitting down with you every day and talking about how you feel and how your day has been and seeing if you need anything
14. I will agree to and except any other terms you may come up with


I have read HNHN ,LB ,and SAA

dtl,

These lists are good.

Have you completed all the above items??

We have not done the poly yet we don't have the money for it

Have you chosen a place to have it done?

How much is it??

What is your plan for coming up with the funds needed???

We have looked around and it is minimum 500. We have discussed it and im wanting to save that money and sign up for the online course instead. Im comfortable that I know all I need. I honestly don't want any more details.

I might ask for a poly later in recovery to verify things going forward bit im done looking back.

My mother is in hospice and they give her 48 hours. It woke me up to how little time we have and I don't want to waste it looking back at the bad..... only the good and what we can make out of the future.

Luvs:

So sorry to hear about your mother. Peace be with you.

SweetPea

So sorry to hear about your mom.

dtl,

Given your wife's response....

What is your plan for coming up with the money necessary to work the online program?

What is your plan to avoid getting half way through the program and stopping??



LD & dtl,

I'm sorry to hear about your mother, my prayers go out for you and your family...

Thank you guys. She has been in pain so in a way it is a release. Im more worried about my stepdad. He is not taking this well at all but wont leave her side.

We were both out of work for a little while. I'm back at work now and we have her dog kennels up and operating now so we are just about to get caught back up on are bills. So we can start saving for the course

My plan to stick to the course ? I don't think I have a plan to say. I just know I have to keep with it to be able to make are marriage the best that it can

dtl & luvs- my thoughts and prayers are with you both at this difficult time.

dont shut down either of you.

dtl- luvs will need you as she will probably be caring for everyone during this time- please make sure you give her extra hugs, and keep focused on helping her thru this.

Thank all of you for the support.
She is my number one concern. She is very strong. But I will be here for her through every step comforting her anyway I can.

Prayers are with you guys. So sorry to hear this. Use it as an opportunity to lean on each other (HINT DTL).

CV

DTL,

one of the best things you can do with the overall plan of recovery is to make checklists for yourself. What will you do today? Tomorrow?

These will help you stay on track. Keep your EP's as part of the checklist and add little things like notes, cards, little everyday "Ilove you's" . Also add things like reminding yourself "Hey luvs, how are you feeling today? What can I do to make your day better?" My W did/does this for me. I LOVE it.

CV

Thank you for the advice. I like the idea of a actual check list. I try to do that stuff for here now. But sometimes I get so busy at work and stuff I forget and that's not good.

You're welcome. remember, you aren't a mind reader and sometimes body language and facial expressions can be deceiving for us. We need to ask to find the truth. Lists help until it becomes natural for us.

CV