I just cheated on my husband January 1 with someone I met online in October. I have been with my hubby since I was 19 and after 30 years of marriage and three kids I lost all my common sense! I felt I was missing out on something...my husband works long hours and really has no time for our relationship. My emotions are all over the place partly because I know I can never tell my husband. Also, I am no longer communicating with the man I cheated with and honestly it is hard, even though I know it is for the best. The other man lives in another state where I just went to visit family...it won't happen again...I am so very sorry I did what I did. Please someone help! I'm not a bad person, just an unhappy wife who now has a horribly guilty conscience. I just arrived home from my trip last night and I am asking my husband to give me what I so desperately need- his attention!

Hi Goldilocks,

You won't like to hear this right now, but there is no other way to recover a marriage -- YOU MUST BE HONEST, which means telling your husband what you have done. He has a right to make choices about his life with ALL the facts. When will you be telling him?

Mrs. W

Is your plan to lie to your husband for the remainder of your life?

I can't tell my husband, so my plan is to suffer with my guilty conscience the rest of my life.

Your husband cannot fix the problem if he does not know the truth. You can't continue to lie to him and expect to save your marriage.

Goldilocks,

And for sake of your H's health do not have sex with him unit you have been tested for STDs. Please do not put his health at risk. Unless you intend to never have sex again with your H.

God Bless
Gamma

Yes, you CAN tell him. You just mean you WON'T. Not telling him is cruel and manipulative. He has a right to know the truth about his own life. If you are really sorry, you will stop lying to him. A person who is truly sorry doesn't demonstrate that sorrow by decieving her victim.

You condem your husband to living with a liar the rest of his life.
Disrespect in the extreme.

This disrespect is the opposite of love.
Just divorce him.

Mature adults who are actually "sorry" do not hide behind lies.

Goldilocks, you said "Please, someone help." This is the help you are looking for.

This is not going to be something you want to do, but there are NO GOOD ALTERNATIVES.

Have you read the section of this website dedicated to explaining how to recover from infidelity?

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html

Dr. Harley also has a very helpful video to watch:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6806_inf.html

You can talk to Dr. Harley personally on his radio show, and I strongly encourage you to give him a call and hear how his plans can help you and your husband recover.

It would probably mean the end of my family. I can't tell him, and why is everyone so judgmental here?

Plus, let me just point out that what you did has an effect on your husband. It changes your marriage. Even if he does not know why it has changed, it has changed.

This affects him too.

His is the "victim" of your crime.

Thank you

Your adultery might mean the end of your family, but for many people it has not. There are many people here just like you who have committed adultery and whose marriages have not ended and are better now than ever. Those people can help you learn what to do to keep your family.


You have asked for help, and you are being told what you need to do. It will probably make you feel bad, but that is a consequence of doing something wrong. The help is to show you the path to take. Nobody said that the path is easy or will feel good. But you put yourself on that path when you committed adultery.

Would you like us to help show you how to walk that painful path to the goodness on the other side? Or would you rather proceed blindly and follow your feelings until your family falls apart?

Getting in touch with Dr. Harley is the best help you can get. Check out his video and that entire section of articles.

We see people here every day who are in exactly the situation you have been in. Many have recovered, many more have NOT! Dr. Harley has been doing this for forty years.

You were: the experience of driving a dagger into your husband's chest and twisting it repeatedly. Now that you've experienced what you were "missing out on," how does it feel?


You most certainly can, and you must. Right away.

This

and this

don't go together.

Neither do this

and this


It is highly likely that your guilt will subside as you become more confident in the security of your vile secret. With no changes in your marriage, there is little doubt that you will seek out the other man once again to get your fix.

You're in a lot of denial here, Goldilocks. Step one to fixing this mess is telling your husband.

You know, chances are he's gonna find out sooner or later anyway. It's significantly better for all involved if it's from you.

Now.

In fact, I strongly suggest you read through all of that material and then come back here with questions about it. Posting before you've read it is likely to just confuse you. Dr. Harley explains the path.

Because we (as a group) are very educated about marriages affected by adultery.

LINK **** READ THIS ****

The continued lie will KILL your marriage.

[video:youtube][/video]

Infidelity: What every couple should know.


What every MB forum poster should watch.