Hello All,Im a new guy and thought id post my story:

It all started in Dec,i am married 10 yrs,wife has 2 children from previous marriage and ive raised them since my son was 3yrs old.
Back in Dec about dec 10,the wife asked if we should part ways as she felt unhappy in the relationship and she felt i was not supportive in the family,distant and not responsive to her needs,as you all know this hit me with a brick wall,stunned scared,unknown to me she had felt this way.I left it at that and began to have a gut feeling,didnt even dawn on me until the phone comp began to call,i worked the graveyard shift and they woke me up to tell me the bill has not been paid,was at about 500 bucks,i then chcked the phone records and low and behold there was a number that i did not recognize,it was texting that began in nov,first just a few in the AM then progressively every morning into the night.I confronted W of this and she told me it was someone at work,she deals with on a daily basis and she was giving job assignment to him,i asked "I dont believe he works on AC units well into the night",stunned she broke down and told me it was a guy at work and that he had recently broken up with a girlfriend of 4yrs,he was going through a hard time and she began to talk to him about it since she was feeling the same way in our marriage.
Now as this progressed and confronted,i told her that if she wants this marriage then all contact need to stop,and i need her cell phone and all emails,a week went by and she agreed,problem is they work together,i have checked and there has been no phone contact since dec 19,were he contacted her and they talked for 40 min,then it all came to an end,no nothing.
What bothers me is how can it just stop?,there is more to the story,please ask me and ill supply whatever i have,im just at a standstill,we have talked alot,but there is no clear indicators were she is in this,she doesnt say she wants the marriage or divorce ...so here i am just wondering.

Thank you,im so sorry for the length of this.

What has happened is that the affair has gone underground. They are contacting each other via a secret email account, secret cell phone or some other way. I would put a keylogger on her computer, search her car for a secret cell phone and perhaps put a hidden VAR in her car. Have you checked for text messages?

Who is this guy? Is he married? Have you read their emails?


Did she give you the emails?

Hi, Ed, and welcome to Marriage Builders.

Simple answer to your question: it didn't stop. They've taken the A underground. You might want to start snooping to see if you can find another phone (aka "affair phone") that she uses only to be in contact with him.

Keep looking at those records anyway, but don't let her know that you're doing so. Waywards are sloppy. They'll mess up.

What do you know about this guy? Do you know where he lives? Don't necessarily buy the 'girlfriend' story - waywards are liars. He could very well be married. Find out.

Do not tip your hand to her that you are checking on either of them. You'll want to be at your best, most pleasant self right now.

You do understand that they will not be able to work together, right? Once an affair begins between two people, the only successful outcome involves complete separation of the affair partners for life.

I'm sorry you've had to come here, but you're at the right place.

It doesn't just stop Ed. They just got smarter. If they are still working together, it is still on.

Play it cool while you gather your information on this OM. Don't give WW any ammunition to paint you as the bad guy and justify her behaviour in her own mind. Be cool, calm and loving.

Study up on exposure. It needs to be done all at once and WITHOUT warning. If you warn them, they will start to spin a story to make you look like you are crazy and jealous. Or that your marriage was over long before this started.

here

Sorry you are here. I think you can turn this around if you use MB to fight it. Keep posting...many here can help you.

Gathered as much info i can,searched for another phone,nothing,the OM i have his name and last name,search a ton of stuff and unable to locate and email addresses except for work email,its like the guy is non existing,W told me the girlfriend was a nurse,worked graveyard also,he moved out and living with mom,i cant find this guy anywere on the net...he does have 2 small boys,unknown if he was married or what.
VAR bought and will be installed,need it to run for the week when she goes back to work...hope i can see whats going on.

More history,inlaws are here,they leave tomorrow,they know everything as i told them,W talked to them,turned it around on me,i am the bad guy,anyway things have been a bit stsnd-offish,we have talked at length,but there is just something i cant figure out,one min ok,then the next well weird,i think she is confused,i just have a gut feeling something more is up.

BE like James Bond and quietly get as much evidence as you can. I would also get a GPS on her car as she might be meeting him some place. Radio Shack has one called zoombak that is at zoombak.com. It runs about $100 and then you can sign up for monthly service. OR you can put eblaster or flexispy on her phone, which both have built in GPS units.

Good idea,her phone is a droid x2,it has gps,wonder if i can activate it through verizon,what they use to track the kids,i can try.
She doesnt go out,always home from work at 6:30,never late or anything,i know this cause the kids call me at that time to say Hi,So i dont see her meeting with him except at work,i have considered contacting her boss as i know her and have the number,i understand one or both could get fired,but i didnt do this to her,and i believe the boss should now whats going on in the work place.I am a little excited about the VAR,hope it works out.

I wouldn't contact anyone until you have some good evidence. Then we can help you do a very strategic exposure that won't make you look like a crazy man.

Try and get a good GPS on her and find out if she and the OM are sneaking off somewhere during work hours.

And you are right about her getting fired. If they get fired, it will be because of their affair. And if you have any hope of recovery, one of them will have to leave anyway. But wait to do that until you have good evidence, otherwise, your exposure will be easily dismissed.

If you can get her phone, you could install eblaster for $65. It will send you all of her text messages and it has a built in GPS. IT shows every call in and out, too.

I strongly encourage you to read Surviving an Affair. It is available at local bookstores, on this website or from Amazon.com.
Also, follow the advice on this Forum.
The exposure is important; I followed the advice, and my wife returned home from her affair partners house within 5 days of exposure; she couldn't handle all of her close relatives chastising her.
Please follow the advice and KEEP loving your wife during this time, try to create a loving home environment.

In laws left this AM,didnt say goodbye to me,im a little upset about that,I was very close to them,breaks my heart.
I have been reading alot and on this forum,its really opened my mind up and making me understand,Thank you.
I have been as loving and caring as possible,the W is still a little standoffish and i dont want to smother her either,i have just been as normal as possible,VAR has been install and set,will leave it in there for the rest of the week,see what info i can gather.
I am wondering why she is standoffish,my curiosity is getting the best of me,this is a tough situation to be in.

Edsway,
My husband used the zoombak on me (GPS)and it works well. It is very small, about the size of a matchbox, and the battery lasted a long time. He told me it was pretty effective--he could even tell what parking place I was in at the gym. I think it is worth the money for you, and could give you peace of mind.

The VAR worked good,i was able to get the conversation W had with parents on the way to the airport,they had suggested that she pack up and move back home,that it has ended and for the sake of the kids it would be a more stable environment for them if they would take of them and her,FIL spoke to my son and stated that i did not spend enough time with him that i should have taken him to more ball games and get him out of the house,that all i did for them was to spend time away and on the computer,that it was no life to have,i was heartbroken to say the least,though they are not my blood,i felt they were my own,anyway the W stated to me later in the day that FIL wanter her to either rent the house or just let it go and that she should pack it up and head home.
I have begun to look for rentals and set up a new bank/checking/saving account,i am just getting the setup for the possible ending,the last thing i need is to get blindsided again and left in the cold with nothing.I hope im doing all this right for now.
She has not talked to me,she has just avoided me this whole time,i i try to talk,i get the "nothing is wrong" and the same thing as i stated before...

Do the inlaws know about the affair? And is this true that you spend no time with your kids?

You don�t have any rights to those kids unless you�re an adoptive parent and the bio dad gave up his parental rights.

You have to act at this point, but you need to be smart.

For starters, accept one thing, which will help you move forward and do the things that are necessary to end this affair in the hopes that you save your marriage.

First, accept that your marriage is dead. Tip toeing and walking on eggshells won�t save anything since everything is dead as it is. Any recovery at this point will be a rebuilding of a marriage.

Second, keep snooping. Gather more evidence of the affair. It is underground and hasn�t ended.

Do you know any of her passwords? Can you put a keylogger on the computer?

Finally, be assertive and formulate a plan to kill the affair.

This means taking action when you need to and making the OM�s life hell if necessary.

Was this woman divorced when you met her? Were you the OM in her previous marriage? How did her last marriage end?

I told them about the EA,what his name was and how they were in contact,i told them what i had found out,everything,few days after that the W had a talk with them,she told them everything,so she told me,i believe the EA was not discussed or played down so to speak,this i think let them to believe i was the bad guy.
My son is 14,i worked the graveyard shift for 2.5yrs,it was very straining on the relationship and for my son,we spent time together,but i believe it was not enough quality time,me and him alone just hanging out,so to a point the FIL is correct.My daughter is 12,she spends more time with mom,i do also try,but my son is more attached.

Correct i have no rights since they are not my own,my blood.Bio dad has not given up rights,he still fights it to this day.out of the picture though.

I have searched,VAR is on and rollin,i just cant see this A anywere,underground maybe?i cant find it at all,phone records,another paid phone,i have searched and the only thing is were she works,thats is the only thing i am unable to monitor,if it is continuing it has to be at her work place,but all other ends have come up with nothing,like it just disappeared,

Yes,she was divorced when i met her,i do not believe i was the OM,she was or had a relationship with a guy while i began to date her,it was over from what she told me at the time as i didnt want to get mixed up in the drama,i too had just came off a relationship at that time about 6 months before i met her.
The last marriage ended,the previous H was very abusive,very manipulative and jealous,he began to beat her,he was also an alcoholic which led to all the bitterness,he had once stolen my son when he was almost 3,she was able to convince him to give him back,that started the whole roller coaster in that marriage,she told me some real bad things about it,he still has the mentality that he is to get them back,well my son anyway,he has fought numerous times to gain custody but due to his history he is unable to convince the courts.

I pulled the VAR tonight from W's car,you guys are right,100% right,she is still talking to OM,i heard everything,told him about what she said to the inlaws,aslo found out that one of the women she works with called her and told that while she was out on vacation that OM was standing at her desk looking at the calander and asking when she is comming back,they made a joke that W has a new boyfriend etc...i am so freaking mad right now,i have been played,now i know it has progressed into a full fledged affair,i dont know yet what the plans are between OM and my wife.But i believe i need to begin exposure.....what do i do now?
It seems like she has another phone,i just cant locate it anywere.

I bet she keeps the phone at work. My FWW did. She worked in a large factory. She was in an office job while he worked in another part of the factory. She would use the prepaid cell to text, etc.

On D Day #2, when I finally forced her into giving me the phone. (It was a weekend and we went to her office and retrieved it) The things found on it were very hurtful. Finally, the whole truth.

I hope you find more information.