Except you came here. You asked for advice. Do you want to heal your marriage? Did you expect to come onto a recovery forum and get a pat on the back and someone to say "there there, dear?"

Goldilocks, we WANT your marriage to be better, we WANT you to succeed. But you have to be willing to do the hard work of it.

She's lying...

"No my marriage isn't over."

"And I chose "Goldilocks" because I have blonde hair."

This statement along with men always hiting on you makes me think you have a extremely high opion of your self, conduct yourself in ways that attract attention (flirt) are really good looking, any or all three.

"I hope no one rakes you over the coals for the mistakes you have made in your life."

You are not being singled out here. You are not being treated harsh. You are being push to do the right thing. It's harsh to hear because you are being told to do things that you don't want to do.

I know this is wrong, but fogged out-i-ness makes me giggle sometimes.

The wise people here told you what to do to find a path of love and forgiveness. We don't need wishes from you to get there- and if you think we're bitter and hateful for trying to help you, all I can say is, good luck with that.

Yup. My radar tells me the same thing. If she actually told him- she would be more focused on his reaction, and less on sticking it to the members here.

A mistake is forgetting to carry the tens in a math problem.

Sleeping with someone else's spouse is a choice.

Just to clarify.

I do want a better marriage. Of course I do. I was mentally and physically abused by my step-dad the last half of my childhood. I lived through hell. I told myself when I was teenager that my kids would never have a stepfather. It's hard for me to share myself with people, because I don't trust people. I have never had counseling of any kind, it's been a rough road I have gone down alone. My husband has never been very supportive of me. He didn't even go with me to my mom's funeral. She died from pancreatic cancer 10 years ago next month. I took care of her for almost two years, and he would tell me how I was taking away from my family to be with her and take her to her chemo treatments etc. By the time she died I was totally used up. Then with two kids grown or almost grown, I got pregnant unexpectedly and have an almost seven year old now. Life is more than strange, funny, and always changing. I was still burned out when I had a new baby to take care of. There is no excuses for what I did. I'm scum, and not the angel my friends think I am. This might end up being what we needed to change our home life and make it better for our little one. We are also grandparents. My husband wants us together. My huge mistake I will pay for the rest of my life. And I will be a better wife. Call me a drama queen or whatever you want. It's not the worst I've lived through.

Goldilocks, you have a real victim complex, don't you? Instead of pimping sympathy for yourself, how about telling your husband the truth? And then sending him here so we can help him?

What you have done to your husband is as traumatic as rape, assualt or the death of a child. So lose the self pity and go do the right thing for your husband.

You are not the victim, lady.

We have people here in DIRE STRAITS who are really serious about saving their marriages. People who are not lying drama queens, who are the victims of adultery. You are taking valuable time and attention away from people who are really serious about saving their marriages.

Do you realize that?

I didn't need to read any farther than this to know you are still an unremorseful wayward.

We may be able to help your husband. Let him know that we'd love to see him come here and post.

ETA: Good job, telling your husband. You did the right thing.

Goldi, its obvious you lied about telling your husband, so quit embarrassing yourself.

If you did tell him you are the most heartless b*tch I have ever seen in my 10 years on this forum. Imagine this: you just give your husband the most horrible news of his life. What you have told him is more traumatic than telling him his child was killed. And you not only blow it off, but you are on here the next morning trying to pimp sympathy for yourself.

People here WANT to help you. But you can't be helped unless you GET HONEST. Lying to us is no more productive than lying to your husband.

And the bad thing about lying here is that we can immediately see through you.

You don't need to tell us a word, Goldi. You don't need to ever post here again. We're not making you do anything. What gives you that idea? And what in the world do I have to be bitter about? I've got the marriage I've always wanted.

You know we're here anytime you need help.

Goldi,

It is better to admit your mistakes and identify your unmet needs to your husband before he finds out on his own. If you don't tell him and he finds out on his own he will not believe you when you say you felt guilty about it, he will not believe you when you say that you want to spend the rest of your life with him. It will take longer for you to recover if he finds out on his own. People who are remorseful for what they have done can admit their mistakes and are willing to do whatever it takes to fix the problem. If he finds out, he may think you're just sorry you got caught and have just been using him for FS, DS, and money which will lead to immense resentment. I'm telling you this as a betrayed husband. I was not meeting my wife's needs, but she never told me I wasn't. Now I feel like I don't know what's going inside her head because I discovered her affairs....one at a time. I feel like she was shopping for a better husband. You obviously feel guilty, confess to him everything so he believes you.....every little detail he asks, and then fix it. You have all the tools you need in this forum and on this website. I'll pray for you that he stays and works on the marriage.

I struck all the stuff that is immaterial to your situation.

As long as you remain in a state of denial and refuse to accept responsibility for your actions you will remain an adulterous liar. You call that scum, I call it liar. Either will do.

You CAN change that, though. IF you take the steps to do so. The first would be to confess the A to your H.

I will be sure and let you know if anyone matching this description shows up to post on your thread.

Nope, not yet.










Nope, not yet.

Of course she is--it was the easy way out and there have been no hysterical declarations otherwise.

Ditto!

goldi, when my STBXWH was posting here, he did the EXACT same things you are doing now when he was told he needed to tell me the truth (accused posters of being resentful, hating him, he talked about his childhood, etc). No joking.

These tactics won't work here. We can tell when we are being lied to/gaslit from a mile away.

Please stop.

Did goldine even read the theme of this website and forum before posting??

It's called MARRIAGE BUILDERS and SURVIVING AN AFFAIR.

People are here to help build strong marriages that's why it isn't called CREATE A GOOD MARRIAGE OUT OF THIN AIR or even GET OVER AND HIDE YOUR AFFAIR.

I don't know of a single good marriage that is built on lies nor do I know of many people who survive an affair if the second person in the marriage doesent know there is an affair going on.

Why do people like goldie come to this site the play victim when even the tilte gives you a clear clue as to the morals of this board.

Ps Godie I have had a ton of 2x4 s here and comments that I found hurtful but it was FOR my best interest and for my marriage. Telling your H is the first of many tough things YOU will have to do to save your marriage if you can't even take the first step without bringing out the Victim card then I don't see much hope for you or your marriage. Good luck.