1. Search her car
2. Search her bag

If she has it with her in the car, it's likely in one of those two locations.

Do you have your list of exposure targets? What about their employer? Do you have contact info for the HR Dept.? CEO's name? President's? Company attorney? You don't send it to just their supervisor.

Have you googled OM's name to get his info? www.intelius.com will return associated names for a small fee (like 1.95).

Don't go off half-cocked on your exposure, Ed. You want it to be surgically precise - hit everyone at once.

Her affair phone is more than likely hidden somewhere in her purse. Check there, and under the seat of her car.

And don't say anything to her! This is where your acting skills will have to be at their best - you don't want to tip her off that you know until you've done your exposure.

I agree with the others. This is an exit affair. So let her exit. It isn't about how much you love her, its about her not loving you. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

I half believe the stories about the ex. It�s not uncommon for a wife looking for an exit to exaggerate the flaws of her H and accuse him of being abusive in some way. It was done to me despite the fact that I never touched my WXW, hurt her in any way, or even raised my voice at her.

But that is irrelevant.

My question to you is this: Is she worth it?

I ask that since you don�t have any kids with her. Yes, I understand, the step kids are in the picture. But unless they see you as their dad, then they�re not your kids. I say that as a man who is married and has kids with a step mom. As awesome as she is, she�s not their mom.

So what does she have that makes her more special than any other woman out there?

Was she some great, devoted wife who treated you well over the years and just recently became wayward?

Could you not find a better relationship with someone else who won�t cheat on you?

These are important questions.

But I know you wish to save your marriage. With that in mind, I advise you to expose.

Expose to her parents with information about the affair. Expose to their workplace and inform their HR department. Find out if he has a girlfriend or wife and expose to her. Expose to his family and his parents.

Expose to your stepkids.

That�s all your very first step. Bring the affair into the open.

Expose.

It all begins with exposure...it all begins with exposure.

Good luck.

I heard only the conversation on her end,The VAR is amazing,she stated what she told the inlaws,she told him she was scared that all is moving so fast,she was scared that when all this is over he would get bored and move on,she told about how the co-worker would tease her that she has a new boyfriend,and then this is what set me off,she told him that i was abusive to the kids....people i dropped to the floor,that i was abusive to the 2 children that i raised....she stated to OM that is what she told the inlaws too,now the pieces fell into place,that is why they were telling her to leave and head back home with the kids,she turned the people who i felt were my family against me....that i abused these children.
I am sorry but that completely drew the line for me,I talked to my son this AM and told him about what i found out,i didnt tell him ,just that i new the whole story,he promised to keep it between us,my son told me the W told him that he should not feel ill thoughts about the OM {yes his name was said}my son told me that he told her he will not go to her work and anyplace to see this man,that he would stomp on him if he every saw him.

I cannot find this other damn phone,i looked all night,she calls him in the AM on the way to work,purse nothing,car all night i checked nothing...my son said she grabbed his phone,but she didnt take that with,i checked his phone records,no calls out to a unknown number.

This woman has damaged the marriage,the way its sounds is that when i exit out,that she would attempt to bring this guy in,but it seems he is a bit reluctant,as she talks to him she keeps saying its moving very fast,oh and a final conversation she stated to him that she didnt know what changed that they were friends in something changed,i couldnt read into that,was just weird out of the blue,think OM is getting cold feet or?

It doesn't actually matter if this is an exit affair or not. Most of the A's I've seen could have been classed as exit affairs. Many have still been ended, and marriages saved.

What matters is that all options are offered. If a poster wants to try and save their M, we have a plan here to do just that. If a poster simply wants to D, well, we have the support they need to do that, as well.

You need to reexpose to your inlaws with the **truth** version of the story.

That your marriage "problems" are a result of her physical and emotional affair. Tell them that you love her, and ask for their help and support for your marriage.

Be very cautious of her falsly accusing you to get you out of the house. You might want to get an additional VAR to keep with you at all times.

It sounds like this OM might bail on her if this gets exposed to his friends and family. Get that done too!

Edsway, are you ready to do a very strategic exposure? You have about a 50/50 chance of saving this if you are very strategic. No guarantees, but there is a chance.

And of course it doesn't matter if this is an "exit affair," that makes no difference.

I would immediately call the ILs and expose. Expose to their workplace. Expose to his side.

Make his life a he77.

Stay calm in this whole process, don�t feed the image she�s painted of you.

Expose to the kids in full. Tell your SS the truth about the conversation you heard regarding the abuse. He might chime in and help you with the IL�s.

They will likely believe her until they hear your side of things and will be more likely to believe your SS if they hear it from him.

But the first step in ending this mess is to expose it. Take action now.

After you expose, confront her with your evidence.

Expect her to go ballistic. This is normal.

Ed, go read this thread right now and start planning your exposures: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2566583#Post2566583

come back here and tell us your plan and we can help you with next steps.

Edsway,

she was scared that when all this is over he would get bored and move on

Hold that thought, she senses what we all know is going to happen, dig up whatever dirt you can on other affairs OM has had, speak to his ex-wives etc, OM does not want a real relationship or financial obligations or dealing with WWs children.

God Bless
Gamma

Also -- Look in your garage for the secret phone.
She likely has to plug it in overnight for charging.

Ok,let begin the exposure,the contacts i have is on her work web sight,there are email links to all,CEO's pres,supervisors etc,also has email links to OM's work people,he is a maintenance engineer for the buildings and there are foreman lead guys etc that he works with,i do have the personal cell number to W direct supervisor,i could call her on her cell,explain what is happening,i also have the OM's full name,and his cell number,other than that searches come up empty for the Do+#hbag,like i said before he is hard to locate,oh,i did hear her in the conversation that on thursday he was going to inquire or open a business,what kind i have no idea,but she seemed enthused about it..You guy's tell me were to began and i will fire away...i have to admit i feel a weight has been lifted..why i dont know..a sense of relief.

Check the garage or any cupboard or box that's between the bedroom and the car. I've heard of one case where the WS hid the a-phone in the washing-machine or dryer. It's likely somewhere within easy reach, so she can grab it on the way out.

I would suggest taking a day or two to gather more evidence and properly plan out this exposure. It should be a "tsunami of truth", exposing her A to all parties that can affect it.

And redouble your efforts to find that phone.

Start off by sending a workplace exposure letter [on my link] to the Director of Human Resources, both their supervisors and a KEY VP. CC all of them on this email.

Then, I want you to send your inlaws an email and then call your FIL and follow up.

Edsway,

www.veromi.com usually pulls up like relatives, if you are in the USA, type in his name and state. Also do a picture search in Google using his name. Did you check www.linkedin.com?

God Bless
Gamma

I would send something like this to your inlaws and then follow up with a phone call to your FIL and MIL and play them the tape:

Dear friends and family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of xxxx and I. As some of you know, xxxxx has recently asked me for a divorce, which has shattered my heart. I could not understand why she would not work on the marriage because I thought we had a good marriage.

To my shock, I have discovered the reason is because she has been carrying on an affair with her coworker named John. I have evidence that her plan is to replace me with Joe. She has justified these actions by manufacturing lies about me abusing the kids. I have never ever abused these children, whom I love and have given all of my heart for 10 years. She is telling people bald faced lies about me "dropping Jimmy to the floor."

Our children can confirm that these are outright lies. She has been telling our children that she has found a new boyfriend, Joe, and that they shold not be angry at him for breaking up our family. They are confused and upset.

I have direct evidence and would be happy to share this with anyone. Apparently, many of her coworkers also know about her affair.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with xxxx to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest regards,

Workplace exposure letter. Developed by Brits Brat, board member and corporate attorney--

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,