You WILL stay in control of yourself.
Not try.
You will.

Now what?do i just wait?i have confirmation that the employee affair email has been opened,should i contact W direct supervisor and explain the situation and present the VAR evidence?what should i do now?

Have you read The Art Of War?

LINK to Thread

Absolutely, contact HR and tell them that you have a recording if they would like to hear. But be careful you are in a state where you can't get busted for tap(p)ing a conversation. I must commend you on your quick and decisive action. I sincerely hope that you have separated finances, Cut off her credit cards. She was planning on siphoning off your families money to leave you. But the worm has turned.


FROM NOW ON YOU MUST CARRY A VAR ON YOU. IF SHE GETS A CHANCE SHE WILL TRY TO HAVE A RO TAKEN OUT ON YOU, SO SHE CAN MOVE THAT POS IN.

I am glad you had the discussion with the son. He is now old enough to hear the truth. Play him the VAR. Then he can at least defend you when they try to poison his mind against you. They need to know that you love them, and that what their mother is doing has nothing to do with you or them.

You must file ASAP! As long as you are married, she can get credit and charge in you name. You have to stop her.

I don't know, he seems a bit...frazzled...and this may come across in any conversation with HR as being the ramblings of someone off their rocker. If the letter was well written, I'd give it a day or two and let them do their thing. You could then make a (calm) follow-up call asking if they received the email and if they had any questions.

That's not to criticize, Edsway--we've been where you are now and understand how it impacts your life. Just try to take a breath, calm down and think before you speak or write anything to your WW. When in doubt, don't say anything at all or, if she starts an argument, tell her that you'll talk to her when she calms down and leave the room.

DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE UNDER ANY CONDITION!!

Appearances are everything. The one that looks the most composed has the advantage if the other party is climbing up the walls.


This is critical, and should not be considered an idle suggestion. I can think of two threads where the betrayed has been served with a bogus restraining order and removed from the house.



I would file for a divorce as well so that he can maintain some semblance of control in this. Otherwise, if she files first or, worse, gets a restraining order against him, he'll be trying to play catch-up with her.

I will wait to contact.I have set up appointments one lawyer on Monday sec on Tuesday.I have new bank acct in my name only still have joint.I will set up direct deposit for new acct.that will take a bit to go through.I refuse to leave the house I am worried that she will have om over there when im at work. I will talk to my son play the var so he knows.if I come home and a strange car call the cops?I am sure she was in contact with om this am.seen the phone records.I believe they are now conspiring something.I am tempted to hide var in garage as that's were.she goes to smoke and get away from the kids.I have gathered enough info to settle my mind now im worried about what she.is up to
I will remain alert thank you all..I could not have done all this without you.

Edsway

The VAR is your secret weapon and your WW does not know about it yet. Am I right?
I am concerned that If you reveal the VAR to your son he might tell his mother about it and then you will no longer be able to monitor the situation as well.

I would suggest keeping the VAR a hidden weapon until you are fully lawyered up and have secured your finances.

No she does not know of the var I am sure she and om are trying to figure out how I got all the dirt.I will not reveal to my son.var is my only weapon in this.my secret.should I take a restraining order out on om?as I don't know know what OM and W are capable of doing now the s@&t hit the fan!? I am in for a wild ride.

Sounds like the garage is an excellent place to put the VAR.

Another fun trick might be to get fluorescent powder, put it on whichever outside doorknob she uses, and then track where she touches. Betting you can find the phone that way...I used to use it all the time to bust little kids stealing.

You mentioned earlier that she has a friend at work who knows about OM. Could she be stashing the phone at this friend's house? Or somewhere else along the way?

Could be.but she uses it in the am.

Wow,i checked the phone records,the OM phone number is back on,texting and phone calls,mostly in the AM...hmm,why now after the the talk i had with her is the number now showing up again?
Whats going on?

Definitely a VAR in the garage, if that's where she feels at ease to call him. Oh and once the word is out and your accounts are separate, make sure she pays her half of everything.

You dropped a big, BIG, spanner in their scheme, and they're trying to piece it back together, that's all.

Arrange for incoming calls from the OM's number to be blocked on your phone ASAP. That will force her to use the A-phone, which in turn will increase your chances of finding it.

Are you still looking for the A-phone?

You can�t file a restraining order unless there is a threat to you. Worrying about his reaction isn�t reason enough to file.

Gather your evidence and present it to the ILs.

Edsway, get focused! Expose the affair to her parents. Play the tape for them. Tell your kids. Send the letter I composed out to her family and friends. Stop worrying about what she is doing and stick to your plan.

Got it,im staying focused,i am going to contact her brother this AM,tell him whats going,her sister,i dont have her number but ill get from the brother.i am printing out copies of phone records highlighting the number of OM etc,ill write it in the letter explaining to FIL what his beloved daughter is doing,i tried to call FIL last night no answer,if i can get to the brother,he will tell them also,ill keep the pressure on hard.

Separate bank account is going,need to go to the bank and make sure she cannot open that that account,i need to pool my checks into it,i also can get money if i need it,enough to help with lawyer etc,im just worried she can get to it.ill find out.

I told my son this AM,if mom has OM over here,or takes off during when im at work to call grandpa and tell him mom has a strange guy over etc.My son is so on the ball with this,i told him dont worry im here im not going anywhere that i loved him and will do all i can.He hates the OM,hasnt even met him.

My curiosity as you guy's know is very high i just try to pick the brain thats all,its just so interesting that why revert back why not use the same method they always did after dec 19,I mean she is denying the affair yet she is putting evidence on the table,i dont get it? Is it my turn to crash the world around her?or maybe i have already done this?

OM during a VAR convo,wanted to take her and the kids away this weekend,wonder if that is still gonna happen...??

Edsway, stick to your plan and EXPOSE this affair TODAY. Get it done. Tell your FIL that she plans on going away with the OM this weekend. Confront her about his. Don't tell her how you know but just say you are having her watched. That will shake her up.

Get focused and get this affair exposed! And are you going to play the recording for her FIL? I don't see how you have any choice in that. You are going to have to do that. And he is going to have to speak to his grandson to confirm that his mother has been lying.

Oh,also very strange,as i was going through the last of the VAR during that monday,she had taken off that night about 9:30pm,kids are usually asleep,she met up with him,35min goes by,now she's in the car going back home,shes sobbing and crying,though we really dont know,guilt maybe,pain maybe,do you think this is getting to much for her to handle,second thoughts?...sorry again im just curious...im still focused..reason i say that is maybe she is attempting to break it off,now the OM is trying to get her back..just that i have a close friend involved in all this and we were picking the brain.

Such A drama is normal, and shouldn't distract you for a moment from your true objectives.