Edsway,

You're understandably getting distracted here.

Don't spend time trying to figure out her sobbing because, look, she's not giving up this affair right now. It's wishful thinking on your part and she's going to go back and forth on this for a while.

Why haven't you talked to your father-in-law? Can you go see him in person?

Done,just got off phone with sister in law,W brothers wife,i told her everything,played the VAR,told what was going,she was in complete shock had no idea there was a problem,she couldnt believe it as we are family,she is going to contact her H {brother in law} and tell him,i will also contact him and tell him all,FIL will not take my call right now,SIL will attempt to contact FIL and explain,acually they will go over to FIL house tonight...perfect,i am dropping the bombs as much as i can for the exposure..

Good job. Hard to refute a VAR and her own words and lies on the subject.

That cat is out of the bag. Watch her fall apart even more now.

You haven't seen crazy yet. Crazy is about to hit. She is going to go ballistic, tell you that its truly over. She'll say that you ruined any chance you had of saving things, etc.

It's all fog babble and garbage and said by all of them.

Read some of the other threads here and you'll see how common the response is.

WW just texted me,saying im accusing her of having secret bank accts,and she said im the one who opened a bank acct.Well she found about the other bank acct.what now?just go with it?should i text her back?

How did she find out about it?

I wouldn't lie about it. Tell her you will not let her have access to your money while she is destroying your family with her adultery. Do continue to give her money to feed the kids and run the house though. Document that...either write her a check or transfer from one account to the other and make a note on the check or transaction of what the money is for.

NO.

There is no point in getting into a text battle.
No Point.

This just means that exposure is working. Keep on task.
Do not get distracted by this...

Your standard response to all of her babbling right now should be, "I will do what is necessary to save our marriage from your adultery."

That's it. Nothing more. Don't explain. Don't justify. Don't defend.

Its very common for a wayward to start blameshifting and accusing.

She wants to deflect attention off of her actions -- and onto yours.

Ed - you've done nothing wrong. So don't get into a battle trying to explain yourself or justify yourself. You don't need to.

HTLD is right. Come up with a few standard phrases to use - so you don't get tempted into making yourself look like a criminal.

How did she find out about the other bank account? Better question: DID she find out? She may be fishing to see what else you've done.

Don't respond to the text. Just stay focused on your exposure and stay calm. And don't give her any information about your bank accounts. It is one of her business.

Went to bank.bank manager said she got in with password and user name.I had him change all.I need to go through everything and change all passwords etc.Damn forgot.my slip up.her phone is tied to my account I am primary should I cancel her phone?then it would be hard to monitor!?

??? Did you open a new account in your name only???

Correct my name only.single acct.bank manager assurred me she cannot. Access my funds unless she gets my password and user name

Did you open the account at another bank? NOT the bank you originally had the joint account in? NOT a branch of the old bank?

You have spyware on it, right?

Regardless, I'd keep the phone as-is as long as you can access it and see what she's doing.

She'd just get another phone and then you'd have no way to see what's going on.

As for the bank, the account(s) should be at a different bank...not just a different branch.

Passwords and logins should be something that you've never used before in your life. Don't forget to change your email password as well. Random letters with a number and a few symbols would work just fine.

Different branch same bank.I was assured as long as she does not have password or user name she cannot access.I will go to another bank tomorrow and open an acct to play it safe

You need to do this. I used to work at a bank - believe me, human error happens more often than you might want to think.

I contacted BIL told him everything he wants to contact OM I told him not too .BIL and wife are going over to FIL tomorrow to talk to him.get ready just droped another nuke.BIL still wants to contact OM.

Uh, why don't you let him?

As long as he's going to contact OM and tell him to buzz off, jump off a cliff, die, go to hell, disappear or whatever, then I don't see the harm.

See, your wife needs to know that the illusion of gently easing OM into her life will never happen. She needs to know that her family will not accept him as a "new" boyfriend after the divorce. Rather, that they'll see him as a reason for the divorce.

Don't try to protect your wife or OM from the consequences of their actions.

After all, you are asking her family to use their influence and to intervene. By all means, let them! At this stage in the game, they have more influence with your WW than you do and you need all the allies that you can muster.

Now, if BIL is going to contact him and be all friendly and welcoming then, no, you wouldn't want him to contact him.

Otherwise, give him the contact info and thank him for standing up for your marriage.

Yep. Just what I was thinking.