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my husband is on board - we just don't understand if me saying that was the ground for the no contact order and he said to ask you guys.
Mind you, I have NEVER contacted this person(OW) who seems to have a no contact order against me. She contacted me once. So, how can a no contact order be against me?
Like others have said, this 'order by phone' seems highly fishy and is likely just a pal of thiers. Wow OW must know how to have men wrapped around her little finger. First she gets her H to shout at YOU for HER betrayal then a cop to risk his job! Seriously I would complain. He shouldnt be using his position to protect adulterers.
Also, I would like to follow through against her husband when he called me. I felt very threatened and was shaking when he was yelling at me...
I completely understand that the bomb was dropped and the no contact order is a little too late... I would gladly take this to save my marriage. I killed the affair. I am angry at my husband he put me in this situation. I keep saying "look what you did to me." I suppose that's a love buster.
Hmmm. I wouldnt say it every ten seconds but your pain is really more of a consequence of his actions than a lovebuster. Plus if he is fully on board then you are not in Plan A and he is supposed to be doing the heavy lifting of recovery and taking on all your pain.
Its' really difficult to try to meet needs when you hurt so badly you can't breath, ya know.
Yes, we do.
I will FOREVER be haunted that I caught this before it went sexual. He had no plans to stop it. just was seeing how far it was go.
Another thing, I am considered the Angelina Jolie of our town - just saying what others have told me, and she is butt ugly and he was ashamed to be seen with her. I just don't get it.
It is an addiction. She met one or two paltry needs and added to the needs you meet it created a chemical buzz in his brain more addictive than cocaine. He doesn't care how attractive his secret drug dealer is. Thats why they always 'affair down' - we have seen people on here risk their marriages to real catches for convicts and child abusers. The OW in my case was hated by my WH and he thought she was ugly - until they were in a position where she started meeting needs. Crazy.
Last edited by indiegirl; 01/15/12 07:39 AM.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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interesting - I called the PD and the guy said there was nothing on file for me. SAid he didn't know where the (Officer's name) was going with this. No write up or anything.
I suppose I could be served today... I doubt you will get served if nothing is on file. CV
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Any chance you saved that message? If nothing is on file, nothing will be served. However, that message could be turned around to use AGAINST OW/PD.
Me BW (37)
WH (37)
DD1 6 yrs DD2 2 yr
A man who abandons his wife and children because of his infidelity is no price. I can do better then that, I deserve better then that.
The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow
Men must be honest with themselves before they can be honest with others. A man who is not honest with himself presents a hopeless case
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interesting - I called the PD and the guy said there was nothing on file for me. SAid he didn't know where the (Officer's name) was going with this. No write up or anything.
I suppose I could be served today... How can a person get a "no contact" order against someone who never.......contacted her?  That makes no sense.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I called the PD and the guy said there was nothing on file for me. SAid he didn't know where the (Officer's name) was going with this.
POSOW or p-whipped hubby have a buddy on the force. They made a call, and Officer Cupcake agreed to try to scare you off!
The Great NeverGuessedeo is RarelyWrongeo!
As far as where they might be going with this - the answer is "nowhere". Now, if you and hubby are vindictive, retaliatory SOB's (I am), you'll compose a serious letter of complaint, complete with time and date of contact, and send it to the Police Chief, copying the mayor, etc. Or better yet, have a lawyer do it!
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I called the PD and the guy said there was nothing on file for me. SAid he didn't know where the (Officer's name) was going with this.
POSOW or p-whipped hubby have a buddy on the force. They made a call, and Officer Cupcake agreed to try to scare you off!
The Great NeverGuessedeo is RarelyWrongeo!
As far as where they might be going with this - the answer is "nowhere". Now, if you and hubby are vindictive, retaliatory SOB's (I am), you'll compose a serious letter of complaint, complete with time and date of contact, and send it to the Police Chief, copying the mayor, etc. Or better yet, have a lawyer do it! DITTO!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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First, if there is nothing on file, there is nothing for them to serve you with. Secondly, a phone call is insufficient to serve you notice because the officer had no way of verifying for sure that it was you he was really talking to. each state has established Rules of Civil Procedure that spell out how service of process must take place. Admittedly, I do not know the rules for all states, but I can almost certainly assure you one of them is NOT by phone!
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Don't count on
the affair being over
not having gone physical
your WH 'backing you up' and not being in kahoots with OW
and physical attractiveness doesn't keep a man. It is only one of many emotional needs.
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Don't count on
the affair being over
not having gone physical
your WH 'backing you up' and not being in kahoots with OW
and physical attractiveness doesn't keep a man. It is only one of many emotional needs.
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he's getting a polygraph tomorrow - he admitted to two kisses.
any suggested questions for other questions?
they met Dec 15th and I caught him Jan 11th.
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he's getting a polygraph tomorrow - he admitted to two kisses.
any suggested questions for other questions?
they met Dec 15th and I caught him Jan 11th. write out a list of questions and tell him you will give him one last chance to come clean before the polygraph. I would ask if he had sex with her and confirm the timelines.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I wasn't sure whether or not to say anything or not considering some of the rude comments made towards law enforcement here  but anyways, When someone makes an original complaint of harassment, the first step is generally to speak to the complainant (ie. the OW) and then call the supposed "subject of complaint" (you) and just tell them to back off. There is nothing done through courts, in fact, I would be surprised if anyone even wrote it in a notebook. It's done in 95% of harassment complaints and then that's that. It usually resolves everything. It is a very common occurrence. IF the 'subject of complaint' keeps at it, then that's when things might start to step up into real no contact orders but that's not very common in relation to the amount of initial complaints made. That's for complaints made directly to the police (rather than a civil order through the courts). Are you 100% sure that an actual no contact order was said to have been made? I suspect he was using some terminology he should not have, or you may have misunderstood. Simply attending the police station with your ID and checking whether or not an actual ORDER exists can be done easily (this will not be done over the phone). I think this was just a 'warning' call. I hope that clears things up a little. I worked in law enforcement.
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he admitted to two kisses write out a list of questions and tell him you will give him one last chance to come clean before the polygraph. I would ask if he had sex with her and confirm the timelines. Since there's such a vast amount of sexual contact between kissing and penetration, I'd be very specific about what you mean when you ask if he had sex with her. No wiggle room.
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Me 44- yes ugggh
WH 47
together 26 years M 19
serial cheater big time
DD1 2.24.11
NC letter sent 3/7/11
NC letter to OW2 april
final truths 5/8-- all of them poly confirmed 5/18
working the plan
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called the officer again. He said she would have to go to court and have a judge grant the order. I asked could I do the same and he said yes. He is not sure what the judge/court will do...maybe not grant it or maybe grant it. So, last night was just a warning that someone might do this? How odd...
I told my husband I need representation by Tuesday am, at the latest no matter what happens.
I asked if we could just handle this between us and me give them her list of facebook friends for them to drop the order. He said that would be good but I'm not going to do that.
I want it to be overwith but I don't want to be surprised with a NC order... I want to be on the road to recovery with my husband.
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Have you checked your laws? How can a person file a no contact order when you have never contacted her? Does the no contact order apply to everyone the OW doesn't WANT you to contact? That just seems bizarre.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You really need to quit worrying about the NCO. You have enough to worry about as it is. Neither one of you have any grounds to have it issued. Period
And I wouldn't have called the officer back again. I would have called his boss. If this really is a friend of the OW, then it will get reported back to her that she has you rattled.
If it were me, I'd nuke the FB list as well....right friggin' now. You will still have done nothing wrong, threatening, or illegal at all. I'd rattle her lttle scuzzy, sleazy, entitled cage as much as humanly possible. But that's just me.
The truth will NEVER be against the law.
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about how you upset the OW when you revealed to all she is an adulteress.
Stop thinking your WH will help you do a thing to stop her being upset or trying to scare you.
Focus on other stuff.
If OW ever goes to court to stop you from doing anything.....guess what?
It will be documented that SHE has been doing IT with your H.....a man who is married to someone else. If she goes to the bother to do this to protect her reputation....lol.......how very ILLOGICAL!
Let her bring it on.
Now you have to stop being rattled and stop talking to your own H about this. Stop.
Instead, move onward in your plan to be the best wife you can be until you have to move to plan B with your H if he will not show dedication to fixing the mess HE made with you.
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kstockett, do you think for 2 seconds the OW wants to stand in court and explain WHY you are contacting her? [not that you have contacted her] And get her adultery on the record? She has so much more to lose than you do.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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the no contact order applies to her (whom I have never spoken to or communicated with), her family, or her employer.
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