this is difficult. The only person behind me, ironically, is my husband.
I exposed to OW workplace and her boss was very happy to get the news.I prepared the letter from here with a few additions of information I knew when they were putting their firms names in jeopardy AND using company time and resources to be together.
He appreciated knowing and said it would be dealt with.
I also exposed to OW mother and brother, in addition to the night we told her husband. I asked for their help in saving 2 marriages and 7 children. Could they encourage their daughter/sister to never contact my husband again. They were astonished, said they would, and said it would be more than encouragement.
1 hour later I received a call from her irate husband saying I had no right to do that and that I was playing God. I said as soon as she decided to enter into a relationship with my husband she lost her choices and that those choices have consequences. Obviously, I have made her life very uncomfortable. I think they hate us, which is good! The thing is, he threatened a restraining order against me. For what? Telling the truth? do they have any grounds?
I also exposed to our family and his job. They are fully supportive of us.
However, lots of people said I had no right to contact her employer or her Mom. I think I did...
thoughts?

Lots of people learned their ethics from Hollywood, too. All you have to do is channel-surf for one evening to see that lots of people are dumber than a tree stump.

When they say that 'you had no right', you can say, "She gave me that right when she tried to destroy my family, and I'm sorry that you don't realize that."

And if those "lots" of people then continue to give you a hard time, then you don't need to spend any more of your time on them. No need to cast your pearls before swine.

Truth is the best defense.

You had every right to tell the truth.

If they cannot handle it, I have a Jack Nicholson movie for them to watch.

You did the right thing. I would love to see them attempt to get a restraining order. That would be just precious. I wonder what they say on the complaint? BW told people the truth?

Yeah. They'll get laughed out of the room.

I know...
I told her boss she was essentially stealing from the company and he was happy to hear it.... how does that deserve a restraining order?

From what I have learned on here, the more criticism and hostility you receive, the better it worked.

You have embarrassed her, and her husband, looks like greatly. His wife is a skank and he is a chump.

It worked perfectly.

The restraining order is a joke. You're done with them anyway, what's to restrain?

Seems to me you have many , if not all, the critical people behind you.

You said "our family." Does that mean children, too? They should be included if age allows.

Just don't stop. Make sure of NC, and all the other necessary things.

The thing is, he threatened a restraining order against me.

The predictable recourse of the gutless BS, at the instigation of a domineering witch-skank!

So, her workplace is okay with what you did, your husband is on-board, and your family is rallying behind you? You're batting .750 and you're worried?

No, you're not; you're celebrating - or SHOULD be!

Don't worry about a restraining order.

Most people are really clueless about restraining orders. They are just not that easy to get. You can easily get a temporary RO if you have been married to the person or in a live-in relationship with them. But then you have to prove in court that they have threatened to harm you, or it will be dismissed.

I know someone who has been stalked by her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. She attempted multiple times to get a restraining order, but couldn't until she could prove there were hundreds of harassing phone calls and attempts to cause problems with my friend's employer.

If the BS tries to get a restraining order he will be laughed at or slapped down for wasting the court's time.

Awesome job!

Sounds like a very successful exposure to me! You got the OWs head spinning!



Wow. Sounds like irate husband is more concerned with his wife's paycheck than with his marriage. I would categorise his opinion under BS (not betrayed spouse). Playing god? How does telling the truth about an awful attack on your life in a bid to get it to stop qualify as playing god!!! It sounds like he is working plan doormat and is in line for a miserable time.



Let me tell you my most horrible conversation with someone who I thought was a friend following exposure.

My exposure happened at 3am on facebook after finding texts on WH's phone. This led me to leave the house with his phone where I logged on to facebook at my mums house and stayed the night there.

The next day he got a message of support on his phone from someone I thought was my friend.

This person, lets call him saddo, sent my WH a message which said: 'You ok, WH? Just seen FB and Indie has reavealed all.'

This astonished me because 'revealed all' held no sense of shock. It clearly indicated that saddo already knew.

I called him up and he denied it. He then attacked me for exposure. Said it 'was no one else's business'. I said our marriage had been his business when he supported us at our wedding.

Then he criticised me for the day I chose. The anniversary of the death of OWs husband.

I replied that SHE chose the date. She was texting a married man on that date.

In short, anything that happens on MY husbands phone, on MY husbands body and which rips the heart of of MY life - is MY business and I can tell whoever I like. Particularly the peope who can get it to stop.

But saddo had chosen to keep his mouth shut out of warped morals, or fear. And he couldnt understand the thinking of someone who could speak the truth openly. He attacked me because he was ashamed of himself.

Oh and my OW threatened legal action too. They all do. Check out p33 of my thread if you want a laugh.

I hope one of them goes through with it one day. That will be a humiliating day in court for someone if they ever get that far.

You did a great job, ks! Her H is irate because he has been publicly outed as a cuckold. His ego has taken a huge hit. This little restraining order thing is something he's doing to distract himself from the real, embarrassing problem: his little woman has been doing another man, and now everyone knows about it. Nice job!

You're not harassing him. He can only pursue an RO against you if you continue to contact him, and you're not going to do that, right? There's no need; you've delivered the bomb. Your work there is done.

My WH threatened with legal action too after my exposure of his affair at his work. Nothing ever came of it.
Empty words, said in anger born out of humiliation and shame. It will pass.

Of course you did! You have a "right" to tell the truth in America. You did great, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You are not the one who did anything wrong, after all. It is wrong to have an affair, it is not wrong to expose the truth.

well, I just got a call from the police. OW filed a no contact order never to contact her, her family, or place of employment.
does this sound right? I accomplished what I set out to do - kill the affair.
Can I get a no contact order against her?

kstockett, you did a great job and have accomplished what you set out to do. I don't think you can file a nc order against her, though. Nor do you need to.

LMAO! Uh, it's just tad bit LATE for a no contact order, huh? Talk about closing the barn door after the horse has left!

And yes, it would appear you have struck a MASSIVE blow to their little fantasy world.

Nicely done!!

Good job K. Stay strong.

This is just typical wayward paranoia. She doesnt realise exposure is a one hit deal. She thinks you are going to expose to EVERYONE in the world - follow her wherever she goes forever.

I was described as a 'stalker' by my OW for simply telling her family and friends in one single FB message. Thats how attacked they feel. Too bad for them.

Filing stupid orders also gives them the illusion of control.

For ages they held the strings of so many peoples lives in their hands - and it gave the A spice, and peverse enjoyment in the secrecy of not giving a damn about anyone.

They liked having that control and they want it back. Well you arent going to need to contact her ever again so she can make as many silly pieces of paper as she likes.

Well done, KS. It's not about vindication, but a good exposure sure can be comforting when the people who matter most support you and, more importantly, your marriage. Dr. Harley says exposure doesn't just shine light on the darkness of the affair, but it also offers comfort and support for the betrayed spouse. That support helped me get through the first few months after d-day.

As far the resistors go, don't sweat the small stuff. You did well.

Stay strong and hang in there.

You don't get served a NC order via a Phone Call from the "police". Do you have caller ID? Who really called? This is not legal serving of an order. IANAL, but I would lmao at any "order" sent in this manner.

Document the time, date, phone number and the name and office of the "officer" who called you.

Impersonating a police officer is a serious crime.

Hadn't thought about that. Doesn't sound quite right, does it?

K- What state are you in? If you like, I'll do some research for you on this while I'm sitting around watching football (in other words, doing pretty much nothing)

Iowa.
They called and left a message. I called back and actually got the police department with an entire list of extensions so it sounded legit. I talked to the guy and he said let's be adults and not let this get out of control after I asked if it would be illegal to send a message to everyone on her facebook list. He said it depends on what it said.
Why can't I get a no contact against her? Does that mean anyone who tells the truth about someone can have a No contact against them?

yep, just checked - that's their number.
Why is asking for help to stop an affair illegal but having the affair is not?

I think this is awesome! You've totally shattered her affair world! I agree with Mel, you more than accomplished what you set out to do!

CV

An overview of the domestic violence laws and procedures in Iowa is provided on the Iowa Judicial webpage. This article only covers No Contact Orders issued by a court as a result of Domestic Abuse Assault. No Contact Orders can also be issued as a result of a criminal conviction for several crimes, and often have a longer effective period for no contact.

No Contact Orders are entered by the court upon probable cause that Domestic Abuse Assault has been committed (Iowa Code Section 708.2A) or that the Defendant has violated a prior No Contact Order or Consent Agreement (Iowa Code Section 664A.7), and the presence of the defendant in the alleged victim's residence poses a threat to the safety of the alleged victim, persons residing with the alleged victim, or members of the victim's immediate family. The basis is a complaint or affidavit submitted to the Court.

An ex-parte temporary No Contact order can be issued by a court in a domestic abuse assault allegation based upon a probable cause affidavit from the Protected Party. A hearing is then held with the Defendant present for a permanent No Contact Order (which is issued for 1 year). In a chapter 236 domestic abuse proceeding, the plaintiff must prove the allegation of domestic abuse by a preponderance of the evidence. Iowa Code � 236.4(1). Proof of domestic abuse requires proof of an assault as defined in section 708.1. Iowa Code � 236.2(2). "Assault can be committed in several ways." Bacon, 567 N.W.2d at 417; see also Iowa Code � 708.1(1)-(3). ...(2) Any act which is intended to place another in fear of immediate physical contact which will be painful, injurious, insulting, or offensive, coupled with the apparent ability to execute the act." Assault requires "an overt act" intended "to make the [victim] fear immediate painful, injurious, insulting or offensive physical contact."State v. Keeton, 710 N.W.2d 531, 534-35 (Iowa 2006). Thus, "[a] mere threat, without more, is not necessarily an assault by placing another in fear." State v. Law, 306 N.W.2d 756, 759 (Iowa 1981), overruled on other ground by State v. Wales,325 N.W.2d 87, 89 (Iowa 1982). The focus is on the actor's intent, not the alleged victim's expectations. Bacon, 567 N.W.2d at 418. The fact that the victim may or may not have been afraid is not dispositive. Keeton, 710 N.W.2d at 535. Intent may be inferred from the circumstances surrounding the alleged assault.State v. Taylor, 689 N.W.2d 116, 132 (Iowa 2004). Klug v. Kajese, No. 8-030/07-1074 (Iowa App. 4/9/2008)(Iowa App. 2008). Thus, an assault cannot occur via email or text messages, since the victim is not in fear of IMMEDIATE physical contact.


A No Contact Order restrains the Defendant from committing further acts of abuse or threats of abuse and from any contact with the Protected Party. The Defendant is prohibited from communicating or attempting to communicate with the Protected Party in person, in writing, by telephone, voice or electronic messaging systems or through any other means including third persons. However, communication may be made through legal counsel. The Defendant is prohibited from being in the immediate vicinity of the residence or place of employment of the Protected Party. The Defendant is also ordered to stay away from the Protected Party and can not be in the party's presence except in a courtroom during court hearings. this means that if the Defendant accidently arrives at the same location as the Protected Party, the Defendant must leave immediately without communicating with the Protected Party in any manner. The Defendant also can not personally or through a third party, threaten, assault, stalk, molest, attack, harass, or otherwise abuse the protected party, persons residing with the protected party, or members of the protected party's family. The Defendant is also prohibited from using or attempting to use, or threaten to use, physical force against the Protected Party that would reasonably be expected to cause bodily injury.

http://www.robertpetersonlaw.com/Family%20Law%20Issues/No%20Contact%20Order.aspx


Does this comment strike anyone else as odd? Kinda sounds to me like someone may have a friend on the police force.

Iowa has their entire code online.

I'm glad you checked the number, but without a paper, nothing has been served. If you have told the truth without embellishment, then you have commited no crime, and therefore there is no victim, so no order will be issued in your state. Hense the phone call and no papers.

You did your exposure, so yes I agree with the others that no further contact is needed anyway.

Direct hit! Well done, ks! Don't you dare, for one minute, be afraid because some blue shirt told you that your perp was pissed at you.

Good job!

It is NOT illegal to send anything to a Facebook list. That is public and does not conform to invasion of privacy laws. You COULD get a restraining order against her. I would suggest that you do, just to disrupt things. RAISE HELL. Make her wish she didn't have to get up in the morning.

I agree. No court has issued a "no contact order." She has done nothing more here than tell the truth. And she is not contacting the OW, so how can the OW file a "no contact" order on behalf of others? That makes no sense. I bet it is some friend who is a policeman and is trying to scare her.

My husband says to mention that when I talked to her husband last night I said I would make her life miserable because of her attempt to destroy my marriage and family. Is that a threat? Does she have grounds on that?

I agree too. I would have asked to get a copy of the "report". She could have filed a report or the "order" but if an "order" was issued, it would have to be served on you in person. I also absolutely would return fire and file one on them for harassment. Didn't the BS call you to rant? That way if it's true, it'll go both ways and if contact is ever attempted again directly to you OR your spouse, then you have legal teeth too. I'm still skeptical that the order is legit. Where I live you can file a protective order, but it's only temporary. You get to have your day in court, otherwise any one who wanted to could file one.

Hell, yes, it's a threat! It's a threat she should take seriously - but not for bodily harm (that's what they're looking for.)She needs to understand that you will use all legal defenses against her insertion (without your permission) into your marriage. The silly twit.

To whom does he say mention this? Does he know you are posting here? I guess it doesn't matter at this point if he is on board with recovery. But is he?

My advice at this point would be (and take it with a grain of salt because I'm a newb) forget all this nonsense about the no contact order and get to work on the rest of Plan A. I wouldn't waste one more second on this "legal" bullcrap. It's nothing...zero....nil...got it? You've dropped your bomb, and it was a direct hit. HUGE hit!

Forget about the insignificant stuff and get to work on the things that truly matter.

I thought the same thing. Worth getting his name too? Making a comaplaint?

However I agree with the posters, she is trying to get NC between you two and her - which is what you want. Let her have her exile and concentrate on recovery.

Dear kstockett,
Your H is on OW's side still......until he proves by word, action and time he is not.
Please know this.

ROFL.

If a NCO had really been filed, I think the policeman would have been all business about it. I'm with the others - I think the OW just called a friend of hers who happened to be a policeman and asked him to speak to you.

Call him back and ask him for a copy of the NCO.

IG, I decided NOT to bring my opinion to this debate because of my well-known bias against the corrupt, lazy, easily bought and controlled, doughnut-scarfing wastes of oxygen that make up what passes for law enforcement in this country, until someone else broached the subject. Thank you for your contribution to freeing me!
Seriously, a phone-served court order?

Here's what really happened - POSOW or p-whipped hubby have a buddy on the force. (What? A policeman socializing with a skank? Horrors!) They made a call, and Officer Cupcake agreed to try to scare you off!

Rest assured your actions did serious damge to Skanky!

my husband is on board - we just don't understand if me saying that was the ground for the no contact order and he said to ask you guys.
Mind you, I have NEVER contacted this person(OW) who seems to have a no contact order against me. She contacted me once. So, how can a no contact order be against me?
Also, I would like to follow through against her husband when he called me. I felt very threatened and was shaking when he was yelling at me...
I completely understand that the bomb was dropped and the no contact order is a little too late... I would gladly take this to save my marriage. I killed the affair. I am angry at my husband he put me in this situation. I keep saying "look what you did to me." I suppose that's a love buster.
Its' really difficult to try to meet needs when you hurt so badly you can't breath, ya know.
I will FOREVER be haunted that I caught this before it went sexual. He had no plans to stop it. just was seeing how far it was go.
Another thing, I am considered the Angelina Jolie of our town - just saying what others have told me, and she is butt ugly and he was ashamed to be seen with her. I just don't get it.

interesting - I called the PD and the guy said there was nothing on file for me. SAid he didn't know where the (Officer's name) was going with this. No write up or anything.
I suppose I could be served today...

I doubt you will get served if nothing is on file.

CV

Any chance you saved that message? If nothing is on file, nothing will be served. However, that message could be turned around to use AGAINST OW/PD.

How can a person get a "no contact" order against someone who never.......contacted her? That makes no sense.

I called the PD and the guy said there was nothing on file for me. SAid he didn't know where the (Officer's name) was going with this.

POSOW or p-whipped hubby have a buddy on the force. They made a call, and Officer Cupcake agreed to try to scare you off!

The Great NeverGuessedeo is RarelyWrongeo!

As far as where they might be going with this - the answer is "nowhere". Now, if you and hubby are vindictive, retaliatory SOB's (I am), you'll compose a serious letter of complaint, complete with time and date of contact, and send it to the Police Chief, copying the mayor, etc. Or better yet, have a lawyer do it!

DITTO!!

First, if there is nothing on file, there is nothing for them to serve you with. Secondly, a phone call is insufficient to serve you notice because the officer had no way of verifying for sure that it was you he was really talking to. each state has established Rules of Civil Procedure that spell out how service of process must take place. Admittedly, I do not know the rules for all states, but I can almost certainly assure you one of them is NOT by phone!

Don't count on

the affair being over
not having gone physical
your WH 'backing you up' and not being in kahoots with OW

and physical attractiveness doesn't keep a man. It is only one of many emotional needs.

Don't count on

the affair being over
not having gone physical
your WH 'backing you up' and not being in kahoots with OW

and physical attractiveness doesn't keep a man. It is only one of many emotional needs.

he's getting a polygraph tomorrow - he admitted to two kisses.
any suggested questions for other questions?
they met Dec 15th and I caught him Jan 11th.

write out a list of questions and tell him you will give him one last chance to come clean before the polygraph. I would ask if he had sex with her and confirm the timelines.

I wasn't sure whether or not to say anything or not considering some of the rude comments made towards law enforcement here but anyways,

When someone makes an original complaint of harassment, the first step is generally to speak to the complainant (ie. the OW) and then call the supposed "subject of complaint" (you) and just tell them to back off. There is nothing done through courts, in fact, I would be surprised if anyone even wrote it in a notebook. It's done in 95% of harassment complaints and then that's that. It usually resolves everything. It is a very common occurrence.

IF the 'subject of complaint' keeps at it, then that's when things might start to step up into real no contact orders but that's not very common in relation to the amount of initial complaints made.

That's for complaints made directly to the police (rather than a civil order through the courts).

Are you 100% sure that an actual no contact order was said to have been made? I suspect he was using some terminology he should not have, or you may have misunderstood.

Simply attending the police station with your ID and checking whether or not an actual ORDER exists can be done easily (this will not be done over the phone). I think this was just a 'warning' call.

I hope that clears things up a little. I worked in law enforcement.

Since there's such a vast amount of sexual contact between kissing and penetration, I'd be very specific about what you mean when you ask if he had sex with her. No wiggle room.

check out this link with a bunch of diffrent poly questions


http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...p;Words=poly&Search=true#Post2511300

called the officer again. He said she would have to go to court and have a judge grant the order. I asked could I do the same and he said yes. He is not sure what the judge/court will do...maybe not grant it or maybe grant it. So, last night was just a warning that someone might do this? How odd...
I told my husband I need representation by Tuesday am, at the latest no matter what happens.
I asked if we could just handle this between us and me give them her list of facebook friends for them to drop the order. He said that would be good but I'm not going to do that.
I want it to be overwith but I don't want to be surprised with a NC order... I want to be on the road to recovery with my husband.

Have you checked your laws? How can a person file a no contact order when you have never contacted her? Does the no contact order apply to everyone the OW doesn't WANT you to contact? That just seems bizarre.

You really need to quit worrying about the NCO. You have enough to worry about as it is. Neither one of you have any grounds to have it issued. Period

And I wouldn't have called the officer back again. I would have called his boss. If this really is a friend of the OW, then it will get reported back to her that she has you rattled.

If it were me, I'd nuke the FB list as well....right friggin' now. You will still have done nothing wrong, threatening, or illegal at all. I'd rattle her lttle scuzzy, sleazy, entitled cage as much as humanly possible. But that's just me.

The truth will NEVER be against the law.

Stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about how you upset the OW when you revealed to all she is an adulteress.
Stop thinking your WH will help you do a thing to stop her being upset or trying to scare you.

Focus on other stuff.

If OW ever goes to court to stop you from doing anything.....guess what?
It will be documented that SHE has been doing IT with your H.....a man who is married to someone else. If she goes to the bother to do this to protect her reputation....lol.......how very ILLOGICAL!

Let her bring it on.

Now you have to stop being rattled and stop talking to your own H about this. Stop.

Instead, move onward in your plan to be the best wife you can be until you have to move to plan B with your H if he will not show dedication to fixing the mess HE made with you.

kstockett, do you think for 2 seconds the OW wants to stand in court and explain WHY you are contacting her? [not that you have contacted her] And get her adultery on the record? She has so much more to lose than you do.

the no contact order applies to her (whom I have never spoken to or communicated with), her family, or her employer.

Okay, I think it's sort of clear what has happened.

OW called police and complained about harassment. As is VERY typical in a petty harassment case (ie. not true criminal harassment), the officer simply phoned our OP here and told her to stop contacting her (whether or not she even contacted her in reality isn't the issue - it's just a standard procedure when one person makes a harassment complaint).

If the OW had any evidence to pursue this further criminally (she doesn't) or wanted to go directly through the court for a standard NCO (probably a bluff) then that could be done but is unlikely. I see a bluff here.

What the officer did is actually very typical (as I said, I have worked in law enforcement myself and have done this who knows how many times), it would have nothing to do with the OW having a "friend" in the police, it's just a typical complaint. Believe me, those are made *several* times daily in your average small town department.

So, in other words, no reason whatsoever to not drop the Facebook nuke

Yes and no.

There should not currently be ANY binding no contact order in place right now (for one, she has not been to a court/seen an officer in person/serviced etc.).

IF she was to contact the OW's Facebook "friends" then there is a chance the OW could seek a temporary protective order immediately (which IMO would be dismissed fairly quick as the courts have little cares to play in the Facebook sandbox. Yes, she would have to testify to a court how she even knows our OP and is she willing to truly do that? In 8 years I have yet to see one adulterer who has...).

Could the OW do something? Make complaints to the police and courts? Yes, absolutely. Will anything stick? I don't believe so at all. But it is a grey area for sure once the police have already been involved. I understand this is a key component of MB exposure but double-checking state law is particularly important if there's already been police involvement.

I don't think so either because no real threat has been implied one way or the other and THAT is the usual basis for the NCO. Don't see at all how telling the truth could ever be construed as threatening in any way, shape, or form.

But let's suppose for a second here..and I'm talking to you kstock. What if you were to get an NCO filed against you after FB exposure. LOL...what do you care? Your final exposure blow is dealt, and you send her a message you are NOT intimidated by her! Right now she's scared, she's bluffing, and you're buying it.


There are no real legal ramifications to consider here whatsoever! You just can't contact OW again for a year. Woe is me!

Her family and her employer would have to file ROs against you. She can't just up and file a RO against you to cover herself and everyone she knows.

In reality, any RO would dictate that you couldn't approach her at her workplace or any place she might be, including her family. You would typically have to stay 'X' number of yards away from those places.

The people AT those places would have to file against you to restrain you from contacting them.

just what alis said, and I am taking advice here of moving on.
wayward H called other hubby and we agreed not to file anything against each other. her husband actually said, he was more mad at me for causing trouble than my wayward hubby kissing his wife!. I can't believe it but whatever. I accomplished what I intended to do and would gladly take the NC order to save my marriage. My husband told other betrayed spouse he was completely in my corner and agreed with me and said I was the only sane one of all four of us...
Onto the polygraph tomorrow.

He sounds GREAT



In complete agreement!

I am here as an attorney to tell you a person must have what is called "standing" before they can bring a legal cause of action - no matter what kind - RO, NC order, lawsuit - whatever. OW does not have legal standing to obtain an RO for her family or her employer. She can only do so for herself.

Whew!! I could REALLY go off here, but I won't...

Okay, just fixed a Glenlivets and water, sooooooo, I'm prepared to go off in just a few words.

ACM (another cuckolded man)

Gotta say, the more I'm here, the more astonished I get. This world is full of pansy-assed men when forced to face a raging wife over what SHE has done just turn into a pile of dogcrap on a blistering hot South Carolina summer day. (it's not a pretty sight folks, especially if you wear New Balance sneakers..ugh)

If I were the OWH, I'd be looking for the best pair of gloves and pair of pliers to use to rip you DH's tongue out with.

I thought so. It is a ridiculous notion that I can file a no contact order on behalf of someone else.