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Now with me calling the police and as concerned for the well being of my kids,dont they take a report.if she is going to add false abuse charges couldnt i use the officers report and testimony?
They don't get involved in domestic disputes. No crime has been committed. And the fact that you had an officer come to the house won't mean anything. frown Do you have a VAR that you keep with you at all times?


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Yes,VAR is with me as i treat it like my sword so to speak,it is the only indisputable proof i have of what is going on...i guard it with my life smile
I understand that they do not get involved with domestic disputes but i had gained some very valuable info that snapped me in place,if i did not have that info,i wouldnt have taken the action im doing now,imagine im home next week and im served with an OP,i would be completely blindsided and would loose everything i have.And the OM would grab everything.

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I know this marriage is over,no question,as she is all this to bring OM in,i had about 3 hours of sleep as my mind is racing,but now i need to concentrate on my self,yes i have lost the feelings for the most part,i have thought long and hard on this,and it takes me back to what the officer told me,he said im a good looking guy there are many better women out there that would treat you with respect and dignity,he told me just move on,get all i can and never look back.He said women like this never last long in a relationship so in the end she will be the one looking for you again when she falls off cloud 9 with OM,he said when that happens i will be long gone and she will be left wondering what the hell she has done...felt good to hear that.

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Originally Posted by Edsway
he told me just move on

This sounds like good advice. But, it's not.
Nooo

Life/marriage/families/children/attachments/history are just too complex to "just move on".

Please read this:

*** LINK ***


Quote
mirror,

Let's say you decide to divorce your wife. What can you expect to go through?

You will experience a rollercoaster of emotions. For the first few days and weeks after d-day (the day you discovered the affair), you will have moment-to-moment emotional swings the likes of which you have never before encountered in your life.

Your mood will go from crying, to melancholy, to zoned-out, to desperation, to panic, to hopeful, to elation, to anger, to resentment, to depression, to mania, to despair, and back again - and all in the course of an hour sometimes.

One day can seem like an eternity, and the next can fly by so fast you didn't realize it happened. You might feel like you are losing your mind, because your wayward spouse can say something that sounds almost logical, yet you know it is a lie - but you want to believe it. Inside your heart, you know that your WS is "in there" somewhere, and you might get glimpses of that person you once knew, and when you do you so desire to trust that glimpse, and then the rug is pulled out from under you again. You see what you believe is truth, you don't trust it, you forget things, you look back over your past and wonder "was that REAL, or was that fake?".

As the weeks go by, you find out enough information about the affair that you begin to piece your world back together, at least some of it. You wonder if what you know is true. You wonder if you should reconcile, or if you should walk away. You want to reconcile some of the time, and at other times you think you should throw in the towel and just be done with the whole darn mess. Maybe everyone would be better off if the marriage was over. Five minutes later, or the next day, you wonder what you were thinking, and you believe that the marriage should be recovered, and start thinking about ways to work on that.

After three months or so, you wonder about how the marriage ended up where it was. That initial shock is over, and you have figured out that the blame for the affair itself really isn't on the betrayed spouse - it belongs to the WS. Some of the pieces of the marital problems belong to the BS, others to the WS. You begin to pick up the pieces that belong to you.

As the months pass, you hit the six month mark, and around then you begin to be angry again. You get good and mad, because as a BS, you wonder why YOU have to deal with the fallout of the affair, you have to deal with the pain, and why the WAYWARD seems to go along, LA-LA-LA-LA-LA and seems to just skate away unscathed?????? How does this happen, after the nuclear bomb that WS dropped in the marriage?????

And the rollercoaster of emotions seems to have hills and valleys still, but they are not moment-to-moment, but more like you have up days and down days, or perhaps weekly. Maybe certain things trigger you, perhaps that restaurant you know the affair couple went to, or that shirt you know the WS wore on the movie date that one night when they said they were going to work late.

You hate movies, or you are more careful about choosing them, because you now realize just how many of them have affair themes, affairs included in the plots, or have jokes about affair sex or casual affair scenes in them.

You lose many friends, because you just do not want to deal with people who are cheating on their spouses, or in affair marriages (affairages). You can't hang out with them anymore, because it makes you hurt to the very core of your soul. From your own lips, you hear yourself cursing movie stars and others who openly and cavalierly betray their marriages.

There is a pain you carry, deep inside your body. The pain does not leave you. When you awaken in the morning, it is there before you open your eyes, and greets you as your first thought: "Your spouse betrayed you. You still feel this hurt, and it is embedded in your soul. Some of the pain has been shaved away overnight, but not so much that you might feel the difference." When you close your eyes at night, you know that thought will be your last: "Try to sleep, your love has killed your heart, it hurts........."

And in your dreams, you know that the pain will also echo there.


Know that this will be the scenario, for about two years. The pain and the mood swings and the triggers - they fade over time. They do. It takes time, and work, to get yourself to the point where you can go to sleep and wake up and it NOT be your last thought and your first thought. It does change over time.


About two years, if you decide to divorce your wife.
That means, she will not be there to help you get through this. You are on your own.



Now, if you decide to recover your marriage?????


Same scenario as above. Because the emotional deal is the SAME, either way. You will still hurt. There is no getting around that. You will still have to go through the recovery cycle.

The difference is that if you divorce, you deal with the court issues, separating "stuff", legal paperwork, attorneys, money/finances, all of that. And you do it alone.

My advice is for you NOT to decide on divorce for at least six months. Mainly because you will change your mind so many times between now and then - just because of the rollercoaster ride. And if you do decide to divorce six months from now, there would be a more thoroughly though-out decision made at that point. At least that works in your favor, and allows things to cool off.


If you remain married, you work on your issues as a couple. Your wife and you focus on what went wrong, fulfilling your emotional needs together, she works on making restitution to you, you rebuild the marriage as a new one with the rules you jointly create to protect it from affairs in a better way. MB gives you the plans.



But either way, it is a long, hard road to recover from what has happened. You have a difficult choice to make.

My husband has had five affairs (of varied types), and I had a one-night stand (over 35 years ago). We are recovered. It IS possible to repair a marriage, to fall in love again, and to make your relationship work. Start with the foundation of love, and rebuild from there. I am not saying it is EASY. Worthwhile things are seldom easy.

But they are worthwhile.


Schoolbus

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Ed, none of here are surprised by this. As a matter of fact we have seen it, time and again. Sometimes the WW is more prepared, and sometimes less so.

This police officer can't know how long the affair has been going on, because frankly this CAN happen with a 3 month affair. OM IS in on this with your WW. He has probably done this before.

Ed, this isn't over. There have been marriages which have saved from far worse. You may decide to give up at some point, but stick with the plans, and either way, you'll be better off.

I know how distressing it is to feel out of control. That is why using the MB plans works, it puts YOU back in control of your life.

Take a minute, plan what you need done, get it done, and work your plan.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

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Checked the joint account,she pulled money out naturally,funny thing is there is a 5 dollar charge for airport parking,then they went to eat...i am assuming she picked someone up from the airport.hmm wonder if the FIL/MIL flew in...??

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Originally Posted by Edsway
Checked the joint account,she pulled money out naturally,funny thing is there is a 5 dollar charge for airport parking,then they went to eat...i am assuming she picked someone up from the airport.hmm wonder if the FIL/MIL flew in...??
Get the bulk of your money out of this account, Ed. ASAP.


D-Day 2-10-2009
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A few comments after a quick perusal.

1. Keep the VAR on you at all times.

2. The police office sounds like he is a Marriage Builder's vet. He knows the deal.

3. Since it sounds like you are worried about dissipation of assets, the best way to protect yourself is to file for divorce. When you file, an injunction is put in place that prohibits dissipation of assets. In reality, there really isn't any advantage of filing first for divorce.



Me BH 35 WW 36
Married 1998
DS 2002
DD 2005
D Day 1 7/28/08
D Day 2 8/19/08

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Originally Posted by PSUBIKER
A few comments after a quick perusal.

1. Keep the VAR on you at all times.

2. The police office sounds like he is a Marriage Builder's vet. He knows the deal.

3. Since it sounds like you are worried about dissipation of assets, the best way to protect yourself is to file for divorce. When you file, an injunction is put in place that prohibits dissipation of assets. In reality, there really isn't any advantage of filing first for divorce.

He was on the ball,told me straight up what was going on,i believe him,spent all day getting my assets out and away,i am not taking any chances with my assets.I dont have very many,but the ones i do,i do not want to loose,for my safety.
She has turned the family against me,plain and simple,and i cannot turn them around,i realize that now to carry on and just move on.I am assuming FIL/MIL are here now again,to lend her support and meet the new man in her life.
I feel angry of the fact that i poured so much into this marriage,yet it wasnt up to standards,her standards,she has turned into a person that i do not know,not the same person i felt was my heart and soul,its a real shame.

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That story about what happens has an alternate route at the two year mark after the D. It ends with meeting the woman of your dreams that is a million times better than the woman you just divorced. You marry this wonderful new woman and your family lives her and you haven't been happier, ever. You didn't know marriage could be this good since the one you had before was a nightmare.

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Originally Posted by PSUBIKER
A few comments after a quick perusal.

1. Keep the VAR on you at all times.

2. The police office sounds like he is a Marriage Builder's vet. He knows the deal.

3. Since it sounds like you are worried about dissipation of assets, the best way to protect yourself is to file for divorce. When you file, an injunction is put in place that prohibits dissipation of assets. In reality, there really isn't any advantage of filing first for divorce.


How about an update on your thread?

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Originally Posted by helpthelostdads
That story about what happens has an alternate route at the two year mark after the D. It ends with meeting the woman of your dreams that is a million times better than the woman you just divorced. You marry this wonderful new woman and your family lives her and you haven't been happier, ever. You didn't know marriage could be this good since the one you had before was a nightmare.

Same thing happened to me. Life will go on and get better.

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Im sorry guys,last night i was just real sideways on it all,i went to sleep at midnight and slept until an hour ago,felt good as i havent had much sleep 3-4 hours all week.
The funny thing: I had turned all the lights off before bed last night especially in the garage,remember i had tucked the car away from here in a safe place.well when i came out to the garage the lights were on,so im assuming she came by this AM,possibly with OM to gather some stuff,i wish i was here to see her reaction with the car gone...i would have taken pictures of that..i havent seen much of any clothes gone,ill have to search around today and see.
Anyway was really nice to get some sleep for once.still havent heard anything from her or the kids,my friends are the only ones calling me like crazy...I will keep you guys in the loop and keep updating the thread.

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Well, Ed..suspense, suspense....

First of all, a police officer would not offer anyone that advice due to liability. And oh yea, your W is going to make a gift of your Camero to her guy even tho the car and title to it is most likely registered in your name? And then, 3 hours of sleep the past week?? no one could survive that.

What is really going on? Can't wait for your next chapter!

Tom

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First of all, a police officer would not offer anyone that advice due to liability.
Hi, Tom! Yes, the chance is good that he got that advice from a cop. I used to date one, back when I was a youngster in my 20's. He used to tell me some pretty odd things - this wouldn't be unusual. smile


D-Day 2-10-2009
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In a small town like ours, such advice wouldn't be uncommon. In cozy communities, where everyone knows everyone else, people seem to feel a little more leeway to share, and also the time to spend, since they don't have 3,000 calls backed up.

It doesn't automatically mean this story is true, but it also is possible that it happened that way. It would have here. Best of all, our local law enforcement agent really is Sheriff Andy. grin


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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Tom2010,

Ill put it together for you
The police officer offered the advise because i too work for the city.Im not just a guy off the street so to speak.liability or not this officer has 15 years of service and seen it all.

W will not offer a gift of my Camaro to her guy,it is no longer my camaro.

3-4 hours sleep per day,i did miss type that,but yes i have done it before,not because of this going on,but work related.I know first hand that i can survive on that amount of sleep but it makes for a rough weekend..
So whats really going on? well it sounds like you know...

Next Chapter: dont want to leave Tom2010 in suspense right?

Got a phone call today,found out OM phone number he is using is registered to someone else,got the name of current owner and address:
Got the OM's real phone number and about 5 address's,2 address's are close to me within a 25 min drive,here's the big ticket:wait for this one Tom2010:the 2 address's of the OM are near the same route WW takes to go to work,interesting isnt it.
As i began to search phone records back to dec 2010,as far as they go,OM has been in contact with WW,though not as frequent,but has been since then...i think i may pay a little visit to the 2 address's,then i will go from there...How is that for the next chapter...

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Next Chapter: dont want to leave Tom2010 in suspense right?
Don't be mean to Tom. He's a good poster here. Just sayin' smile


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Im sorry sick its good to get a little fired up.

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Originally Posted by helpthelostdads
That story about what happens has an alternate route at the two year mark after the D. It ends with meeting the woman of your dreams that is a million times better than the woman you just divorced. You marry this wonderful new woman and your family lives her and you haven't been happier, ever. You didn't know marriage could be this good since the one you had before was a nightmare.

Or you realize that single women in their thirties are a lot of fun, if you know what I mean! grin


Me BH 35 WW 36
Married 1998
DS 2002
DD 2005
D Day 1 7/28/08
D Day 2 8/19/08

Divorce Final 3/19/2009
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