is this where I would dr. harley?
Office@marriagebuilders.com

I just found this one...
mbradio@marriagebuilders.com.

Thanks for the update there!


Several months?

That is both hopeful and horrifying!


The "When To Call it Quits" states a month, though. Which seems more consistent with the "normal" time period recommended to women. I also remember either reading in one of those articles, or hearing on the radio, about a woman spending several months preparing for Plan B before she began her Plan A so that if the Plan A portion did not work, she was absolutely prepared to take the next step. I think that's fair advice from Dr. Harley - to make sure you can successfully Plan B before you begin expending energy on Plan A. It could be quite distressful to be "stuck" in an extended Plan A because you couldn't make Plan B "doable" inside the duration you predetermined, you know?

Q,

The MB radio one is the correct e-mail. Shoot one off, and you just might be the radio clip.

This is exactly what I was looking for when you first asked me to write the letter... with this understanding I can try a new letter. thank you

done.

Q ... you are on the ball girl! Keep up the great work! and GET those books I mentioned!

MNG

What a sure fire way to FALL OUT OF LOVE! That is like putting a dirty band-aid on a wound and expecting it to heal. It doesnt' work. And this is one of the biggest problems with church marriage programs, they teach "unconditional love" which is a NON-BIBLICAL practice that leads to neglect and abuse. Harley has written several articles on that on the newsletter forum.

In her case, she is going to need more time because she is pregnant. Fortunately, she is not in a terrible situation, such as adultery, etc. I am hoping that she can get him off the computer now, though.

Q .. now that you are on #3 for kids .. do you two plan on having any more? Has your hubby considered a V? I would highly reccomend it if you dont want more kids. My wife and I were done at 2 and then i got my V. For your hubbies piece of mind .. it was no worse getting done than getting a tooth filled at the dentist, infact it was probably a faster procedure then getting a tooth cavity filled.

MNG

Understandable - and the longer period will help her build a higher LB$ balance, which is what I see as "hopeful."

we are soooo done this is it we are not having any more! the difficulty that I go through during pregnancy is just too hard on everyone, and I am constantly fighting depression during it because of the complications. when this one is born I will be getting my tubes tied or cut & cauterized I don't know and I don't care. That is the one thing that both H and I have a very enthusiastic agreement about! lol

haha, it's funny because it's all alias's here I forget that I actually know you, lol

well now I'm torn... for christmas and now his BDay his brother has given him a couple of packs of warhammer figurines to put together and paint(they are essentially army guys). One of the things that we used to do when we were dating that we both enjoyed was painting pewter figs(fantasy/hero figs that would be used in a D& D game). warhammer is plastic and army guys, so it doesn't have quite the same appeal to me. he sat down at the table to paint them and so I sat with him and did a little touch up for him. I told him this was nice and that we should find more activities like this that we both enjoy and can do together. he said that yes we could do this together, we would have to invest in all the supplies again but it was do-able. since I don't play D & D and I haven't seen him use them in along time I asked him what the point of painting the pewter ones now? he said they could become just show case pieces that you never really use. ok I could get on board with that... however, my concern now is that his brother gave him this stuff with the intention that he's going to get into playing this game with him. I'm apprehensive about this because I fear that this is just the same crap in a different pile. I kind of like sitting and painting with him but for him it's a means to an end. he's doing this so that he can game with them. he'll get them all done up but then get really pissed if I turn around and say later that no I'm not ok with him going out to game...*sigh

thoughts?

Do you not like playing these games? I get that impression... because I would think if you enjoyed playing them and you weren't invited to join you'd probably be even more angry.

Honestly, the collectable/showcase reasoning is a lot better for the marriage. Why? Because it is something that you both enjoy doing together.

Have you tried doing the board/tabletop gaming with him, or do you have absolutely zero interest in it?

I tried playing them and sometimes it was ok, but I would get so frustrated with the time and money commitment required to play them. mostly the time thing. There was a point when every time we gamed together everyone came to our house and I would cook for everyone, which I didn't mind but when we tried to get others to contribute to the meal fund they longer wanted to come. I feel like I could like the game but there are just so many factors that have built up and contributed to my hate for it. I tried playing magic but everyone else became so cut throat it was no longer enjoyable. it kind of developed that way to prevent my H from winning all the time, everyone would gang up to beat him. many of the games become like that everyone else works together to defeat H. he would make a fantastic army strategist! lol!

When I realized it was an addiction for him I wanted nothing more to do with it. I have always had the belief that part of this life is learning to control your own self and if you can't then you become a slave to whatever controls you, and you lose your freedom to make your own choices/ good judgments. I refuse to have anything control me. If I can't control myself then then the controlling factor is removed. just like alcohol or any other addictive substance. when you can longer control the when and how much of something you indulge in then I have no use for it. and I have removed things from my own life when I feel being drawn into them or like it's taking too strong of hold on me.
I agree but I worry about where it will lead to. he wouldn't be painting just for the enjoyment of painting he's doing it so he can play this game. once the painting for the game is done he will have no reason to continue painting. whenever we've done it in the past it was always a means to an end, the means was fun and enjoyable, but there was always an end.

I have zero interest in warhammer, i have a hard time with games that require large time commitments because there are more important things that do require time commitments that aren't being met. I like board games though, we both enjoy chess but not with each other. his strategy thought process is a beyond me. I have fun with the board games but he gets bored of them unless we are playing with other people. I'm constantly trying to find something that we can both enjoy together, and we have lots he just doesn't want to do it with just me. we almost got involved in a game of crib the other night. that was a staple activity in one of my homes when I was a teenager, and I liked it. we came home from school and there was always a pot of coffee or tea on and a game of crib going. we would sit down and play crib and talk about our day. It was great! I would love to do that with my family(minus the coffee and tea) but my kids aren't old enough and my H isn't interested.

edited...

I think part of the problem in finding something we both enjoy together is that I come to him with some thing that I think would be neat to see or do or try but he always says not interested. but is he not interested because his game is more interesting? so it really would be interesting if there wasn't other competition, or is it really something that holds no appeal to him? I feel like I will never know the answer to this until the games are gone and I feel like as a family we are missing out on many opportunities because of his lack of interest.
for example there was a russian fair that came our way a few weeks ago. H was adopted by a russian father when he was 2 or 3yrs old. his father had issues with his family so H never spent much time with them, never developed a sense of family or love for his heritage. I thought this would great opportunity to learn about it. it was family friendly so we could take the kids and it could've been a great learning experience for all of us, maybe shed some light on things he didn't understand about his heritage/family. But I got the not interested response. so everyone missed out on this potentially great opportunity to have a family day, and a learning experience. If there is one thing that we have both always agreed on it was learning and education. So I couldn't understand this...

It sounds to me like your H most enjoys things he can win, and that he does not enjoy beating you, or you beating him. So it seems he would enjoy it very much if you two got involved in something where you are allies and can beat someone else.

Trivia team partners? I don't know about your area, but here there are lots of pubs that have trivia nights, and you'd sit at your own table, alone together, and work out answers to trivia questions together.

Chili cook-off champions? Dancing competitions (lol)?

When looking for new things to do, keep in mind that he likes to use strategy and he likes to be able to beat someone else (but not you). Look for things where most of the 'game' involves just the two of you. I'm trying to think of more ideas, but perhaps your best strategy is to consider the things you like to do and the things he likes to do and find the common ones that allow him competition and you togetherness.

that might be part of it, but for the most part he doesn't find things challenging enough. that might sound a little arrogant but he is a physicist and mathematician.
I would enjoy that but he doesn't like the ambience of pubs/clubs/bars we used to play a trivia game with his parents but it was a little weighted with all the information pre-1970's and out of date or incorrect. we've tried finding a newer one that everyone would enjoy but so far nothing.

I try to get him to pick the activities because under normal circumstances I find enjoyment in just about anything and everything.

Why don't you ask him to jot down 10 different things he'd find fun. Hopefully somewhere in those 10 things, you'll find a few you'd find fun or at least willing to try out.

Golf...

It's the perfect solution. You can never perfect it and it will drive the mathematician/physicist nuts. You can each play independently from each other OR compete among yourselves or against other couples. You don't have to be an athlete to play (sure it helps) but ANYONE can hack at it and, with practice and dedication...improve.


Just a suggestion. You can take lessons together and be together outside away from distractions (like the computer). Get some Vitamin D while you are at it.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - this one just occurred to me .... geocaching Wikipedia - Geocaching

Went back and read the first page and realized my suggestions are a little ludicrous for a pregnant woman nearly on bed rest....with two other children under age 5.

I don't know what I was thinking...had I just looked at your signature line. I'm losing it....sorry

Mr W