Please help,

My wife and I are in our early 40s, married for about 10 years. No particular problems in our marriage that I can think of, other than she spends a lot of time on the computer, mostly facebook. We both work, and have two kids in grade school.

Today I just received a letter at work (postmarked from out-of-state) that said �this is what you wife is showing other men.� In the letter was a photograph of her showing her breasts. I know it�s recent, based on her hairstyle.

Should I confront her right away? Put spyware on her computer? What should I do?

I'm really not sure what to think.

Thanks.

Dont say anything yet. You will need to install spyware ASAP on the computer and begin digging for information. Find out what she is upto.

And then bring back your info here so we can help you figure out what is really going on.

start with spyware.

If you accuse her, this is what you should expect:

brush it off
deny it
turn the tables and get mad at you
accuse someone of setting her up
accuse someone of doctoring the picture
say it was a joke
say it was a dare
it was just one time thing

ETC.

Put spyware on computer. Monitor for one week.
See what you are truly dealing with.

Again do not confront yet.

Besides a key logger on the PC get a VAR and hide it in her car and activate gps feature on her phone is you can do so without her knowing it.

Then come back here first.

Thanks, I appreciate it.

It's very hard to remain silent for that long, but I'll follow your advice. This is really unbelievable. Thanks again.

Probably the wife of the dude shes emailing pics of her tata's to sent it to you. My guess.

Could be worse, trust me.

Follow through with the plan the veterans will lay out here.

Out of state means perhaps the action hasnt gotten horizontal yet so thats a plus.

Dont confront until you have much more evidence. If she planning a visit to her "aunt" 3 states away, then you will be her copilot.

Be vigilant and get all the facts. NG-Will you please post your famous steps to take when you suspect cheating list?

Death to Facebook.

Bricks, a good key logger is either eblaster (will send you daily reports) or spectorpro (you have to access the computer to get the reports) spectorsoft.com

Thank you.

The computer keylogger should be easy to deal with, I will check those out today. However, it just as well could be via phone. I'm guessing that is how the picture was taken. I looked for a phone keylogger earlier today (she has an Iphone), but the phone needed to be 'jailbroken' to install them. I know hers is not; do you know options for non 'jailbroken' phones? I'm not really up on phone tech, and I couldn't find any alternatives.

The letter that I got was from NY. A few months ago, she visited there for the weekend with two of her (female) work friends. I swear, if something happened there, we are absolutely done.

This whole thing is surreal, like it's a dream.

Have you confirmed this independently? Are you sure she was with two female friends?

I suggest you get a VAR (voice activated recorder) and hide it in her car. See what she's saying on her phone when she's driving and thinks she's alone.

AFAIK Apple does not allow keylogger/spyware apps in their app store, so unless you jailbreak, you are out of luck.
The jailbreak process is not very difficult, but I'm fairly certain it is noticeable to the user, so you'd have to find a 'legit' reason to do it that is believable and put the keylogger on there after that.

Brick,

I know it�s recent, based on her hairstyle.

Did she change her wardrobe, hairstyle, get in shape good signs that she was in an affair when she did so.

God Bless
Gamma

I probably won't jailbreak the phone for now because she did this before to an earlier phone, and doesn't want this one messed with. I think she would detect it. If I get nothing from the VAR and computer keylogger then I may do this, however.

I know one of her friends that she went to NY with; I saw the pictures of the three of them there, so I know they all went together. Both of them are younger, however, late 20's, early 30's (my wife is about 10 years older).


About a year ago, she started to get into running; over the year she did lose some weight. She just recently started another arobics exercise program, and did change her hairstyle and wears makeup more.

My wife has always been very social and likes parties (not much drinking, but socializing), and she talks/facebooks a great deal with family and friends, so it would be very easy to hide something like this from me. Another issue is that she is not from the US originally; she speaks/writes to her friends and family in a language I don't understand. I am good friends with her cousin, however. If anything comes up on the keylogger or VAR (hope to get today or tomorrow), I'm sure he would translate for me.

I really have to try to do some work. This consumed me all day. I'll check back later.

Thanks everyone for the advice, I very much appreciate it all.

Bricks, if the cousin isn't available to translate, you can go online. There are sites where you can plug in the text and it will translate the language to English for you.

The kind of lifestyle that you and your wife lead is an ideal set up for an affair. In order to conduct an affair, one must have the ability to conduct a secret second life. With her independent lifestyle, that is very easy. Having such an independent lifestyle is an invitition to an affair. So, if you want to save your marriage, you will have to change that.

Here's one I've used http://babelfish.yahoo.com/

As requested...

NEVERGUESSED�S BETRAYED HUSBAND SURVIVAL KIT

1- KEEP ALL THESE ARRANGEMENTS SECRET FROM YOUR WAYWARD WIFE!
2 � Put a keylogger on any computer you can access that she might use.
3 � Put a spy program on any cell that she might use. (�Eblaster� can cover #4 as well.)
4 � Put a GPS on her car, reporting to your computer.
5 � Put a VAR in her car, and in any room she might use to take �personal� calls
6 � Get a mini-audio-recorder, and have it in your possession and �on� whenever in her presence.
7 � Put together an e-address list of anyone who might have influence on her � parents, siblings (sisters, especially), coworkers, college friends, clergy, hairdresser, anyone.
8 � Put together a similar list for the POSOM.
WHEN YOU HAVE SUFFICIENT EVIDENCE,
9 � Put together the electronic evidence for each AP.
10 - Write a cover note for your wife�s contacts, to the tune of: �I must unhappily inform you that my wife, XXXXXX, is carrying on an illicit affair with YYYYYY. I am hoping to recover our marriage, and ask if you have any influence over her, to urge her to abandon her cheating lifestyle and return to me and our family. Her cell number is 111-222-3333�
11 � Write a similar note to POSOM�s contacts.
12 � Send out both packages, to all contacts at one time.
13 � Brace yourself.

What language does your wife speak?

Blood tends to be thicker than water in these situations, Bricks are you sure about this? Are you sure he would not warn her? Even in a 'persuade her to stop' sort of way before you are ready for her to know?
Are you sure he wouldn't 'soften the blow' and not translate graphic detail?

Im not saying dont, just consider it. You can always use a free translator to get the jist of whats being siad, then ask him to translate when you are done snooping.

Google translate is a good one too (I am bilingual and find it to be more accurate than Babelfish)