Good evening, everyone!

So, here I am, that "deceptivegirl who had an EA almost physical" post. I apologize that I had to change my username as well as the lie that I posted here. It was not appropriate and I forgot my password. It was our son's birthday last night and the first day I came back to work. It was the hardest and scariest day of my entire life..okay so maybe I am over reacting. I say it was the hardest because I was still lying and the scariest because I was afraid that he's going to receive another picture of me naked. My husband has been the nicest person still up to this day since I've known him. There are some reasons that I lied about the physical contact:

1. My husband told me that if I ever had any physical contact with the OM ever, he will divorce me.
2. I love my kids so much that I was really afraid that my husband will take them away from me. I know all of you will say, I should have not gone out and sleep with another woman's husband if I never wanted this to happen in the first place.
3. I cannot anymore continue to hug him back when he hugs me let alone look at him in the eye.
4. The thought of the polygraph scares me. So, when we were talking about this last night. He asked me if there's anything else he needs to know. I just looked at him. I didn't want to say anything because I don't want to lie anymore. But then I said to myself, he needs to know. So, I answered..there are more pictures. And then he asked me if I met up with him, my stomach was turning upside down and I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I told him YES.

I have never seen my husband break down ever. I felt so bad - really really bad. I begged and hugged him to not leave me and not divorce me. I was so scared that the kids will hear their Dad. Plus my son invited 4 for his friends for a sleepover. I hugged and guided my husband upstairs to our bedroom so they can't hear us. I apologized many times although I know at that point, it was useless. I know it's not about me anymore but I was thinking it didn't make any sense to lie or tell the truth. He's leaving me anyway. So, we talked about what's going to happen and that we will have big changes. He wants to stay in the house with the kids. I didn't agree on that last night because I don't want him to leave me.

So, we went to bed with our 5 year old daughter in the middle of the bed. I called in that evening because I felt so scared. I didn't feel safe at all let alone drive the car and create more problem. But a feeling of PEACE was in me that night. It felt good to let out something I have kept for so long. I have always been a vocal person. Those who know me very well that if I was hiding something - good or bad, they will know just by my actions.

I slept for 3 hours and started packing. I told myself to get out of the house. I cannot afford to create more damage and hurt and embarrassment to my husband who supported me from the very start. I packed a few things. I told my husband that it's just right that he keeps the house and the kids will stay with him but all I ask that he don't keep the kids away from me and I need to borrow some cash. My husband get paid very well and I get paid okay but enough. I still want to see them often and will probably be a better mother to them. I am currently in grad school and was thinking of quitting but I missed the deadline for 100% refund to drop the class. That was a lot of money, I thought. But I will do my very best to finish this semester.

So after the kids got picked up by their respective parents, my husband and I started the planning of the divorce. He had a list of what needs to be done. First was to call the OMW. I don't want to do this because I was so afraid of losing my job. But later I signed up back to FB and have my husband emailed her to call him. FB was deactivated again after. She did call back in less than 10 mins. They talked. She called my phone many times and texted me but I ignored. I know what she will say to me so I ignored.

Afternoon came, my daughter has ballet class so we all went to take her. My husband told me to call back the OMW. I said maybe. But did anyway using my husband's phone. At this point, I had my number changed already since she called me in the morning.

So, I called her. I just want to end this NOW with no more lies so I called her with my husband in the room and we did not talk in Filipino. So there. DONE. I told her it was all ME that insinuated the affair. OM still denies this and it's not surprising to me. She believes him.

Then early this evening, my husband asked me if there was any other OM. I said NO. And I am saying this again, NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. But I still could be lying, right? So, he added that he still want me to do the polygraph. I don't like to do this but I will do whatever my husband wants me to do. I contacted a website to email me how to schedule one. I created this problem so I am taking responsibility. Our marriage is done. The girl he married is DEAD and he does not know who I am. So there is my very long post. Sorry for the lies.

I appreciate your apology vdg, but I appreciate your willingness to act your apologies towards your husband more. Good work on calling OMW and the poly.

We are praying for your marriage on this board, but our prayers are useless without your actions.

Are you willing to do whatever it takes?

I can tell from your h's posts that he will not put up with any more pain or deception for you. Are you ready for a complete turn around? To prove yourself?

He may not give you the chance, but you owe him the effort anyway.

Thank you and Thank you for not being so mean. I heard so much already today and I feel like I should not be here anymore. But, I am a strong person. If I can make it today, then I will make it tomorrow.

I am willing to do whatever it takes but it is still my husband's decision and whatever it is, I have no choice but to respect that.

No, he won't put up with anymore deception and he shouldn't. As soon as I hear from ***EDIT***, I will schedule as soon as possible.

I think it's too early for your H to make that decision. You can't control what he decides to do, but so far you are on the right path. Everything is very fresh for both of you. Do the right things and learn from your mistakes. You never know what can happen. Maybe you will become a better person and maybe he will see it and you both can work on recovery through MB.

My reaction is based on your actions. If your behaviour remains mean, then so will the forum

But there are many former waywards on here who are considered good posters and caring spouses today. That could be you.



I like this.

You might want to read Wulfpackgirls thread. I will see if I can find it and bump it to the top of this forum.

Her husband was ready to forgive her until he found out she was being deceptive and trickle truthing him.

She is considered a valuable poster on here today and her attitude changed entirely.

Remember you still have a lot to prove.

Develop a thick skin and stick around.

Thank you.

[/quote]

My reaction is based on your actions. If your behaviour remains mean, then so will the forum

But there are many former waywards on here who are considered good posters and caring spouses today. That could be you.

I like this.

You might want to read Wulfpackgirls thread. I will see if I can find it and bump it to the top of this forum.

Her husband was ready to forgive her until he found out she was being deceptive and trickle truthing him.

She is considered a valuable poster on here today and her attitude changed entirely.

Remember you still have a lot to prove.

Develop a thick skin and stick around.[/quote]

So much to prove, I know. I will read it. Thanks.

VDG, whichever way this marriages goes, you will need to fix YOURSELF.

You need to show through ACTIONS that you have changed.

I am glad that you talked to OMW, because frankly, I would have told you that you needed to hear about it.

Have you considered telling your children? Your parents? Brick's parents? Both of your families? Mutual friends? I would like you to do this WITH your BH.

YES take the polygraph. You need to PROVE that you aren't lying anymore. It is quite normal for a WS to trickle truth their BSs, that is a BAD BAD BAD idea, so if there is ANYTHING that your BH should know, tell him NOW. Even if that means he will divorce you. Living a marriage in a lie would be worse for him than a divorce would be for you.

Don't give up. Read up on Marriage Builders, and read all of Dr. Harley's books. Promise your husband you will adhere to this new lifestyle and show him through your actions.

And this is a marathon, not a race. Commit to a life change based on MB principles and give your husband all the time he needs. He may change his mind if he sees you've changed for him. If he takes you back and adopts the principal he'll change too. I'm praying that your marriage can recover and be better than ever.

Oh yes, that is very important.

Sit down and write down everything you can think off. Details. A complete timeline of the A.

Make sure you are not forgetting anything.

As soon as they email me, I will have one done. Thank you, everyone!

Hope you see this...

I leave this with my husband. At this point in my life, I really don't want to talk to anyone but to my husband and my kids. I don't have a good relationship with my some of my family and my Mom.

Thank you. I have been reading some since I first posted here. I ordered the book, Surviving Infidelity already. It's really hard to promise my husband anything right now. I don't think it makes a difference if I do that now.

I gave my husband the updated timeline this morning.

Time heals nothing but the truth will. You should answer any question that your husband ask truthfully no matter how bad it hurts or how it makes you look. If you want to save your marriage the time has come to stop playing games.

Promise him choices. Options. Tell him you will be there for him, even if it is only for him to push you away.

He wouldnt be this cut up if he did not love you.

Be worthy of that love.

DG, you are currently your husband's worst enemy. You have done to him something that will be very, very difficult for him to recover from. He trusted you over everyone, and you betrayed that trust. He doesn't even know who you are right now. You have much work ahead of you. And you are going to hear some things from us that you might not like to hear. If you are serious about saving your marriage, you will listen to what we say and will do what we advise.

Having said that: Your first paragraph is filled with self-serving justifications for why it wasn't 'convenient' for you to be straight up with us. We see that - we don't buy your excuses. We also understand that - you are wayward. Our goal is to pull you out of that wayward state. Thank you for giving us your reasons for why you posted the way you did. When the two of you are recovered (you'll learn that I'm an optimist) you'll re-read this thread and be appalled at how wayward you were.

Okay, let's look at why you lied to your husband.
BECAUSE YOU COULD LOSE EVERYTHING IF YOU TOLD THE TRUTH. You understand how selfish that is, right? Let's break down your post:
Or he may choose to remain with you. I'll tell you why: my H and I always agreed that infidelity would be our deal-breaker. If one of us were to commit adultery against the other, it would be over. Well, the worst thing happened - he committed adultery against me. That was three years ago. We're totally recovered, and I'm here helping people like you and Bricks. There is hope. But it's up to Bricks, now, to decide if he will choose the path of recovery like I, and others on this site, chose.
Discussing the future location of your children, and whether or not you will have access to them, is another self-serving comment on your part. Bless your husband right now, for the fact that he is allowing you to have ANY access to your children. You are currently a toxic element in their lives. You are a clear and present danger to everything that is loving and stable about their lives.
Because you know that you are unworthy. You can earn that worthiness back. That's up to Bricks. He'll have to allow you to do that. That should scare you ONLY if you are continuing to lie. You need to spill your guts RIGHT NOW, DG. Get everything out. Bleed that toxic crap out completely. Then you won't be afraid anymore. Living in deceit is a fearful thing. And it is poisonous to a marriage. If there is more that you need to disclose to Bricks, tell him that. If he can bear to hear it, TELL HIM. EVERYTHING. NOW.

My H trickle-truthed me about his affair, exactly how you have done to Bricks. It eventually all came out, just like yours has to. Yes, it was horrible. Yes, I was sick from it. But I could handle knowing the truth - it was the not knowing that I couldn't handle.

If you are serious you will do the polygraph ASAP. You will disclose EVERYTHING to Bricks. You will do whatever it takes to save your marriage. You will have to work harder than you have ever worked for anything in your life to accomplish recovery. You will have to be honest TO A FAULT.

If you are willing to do this, and Bricks is willing to recover his marriage with you, there is hope.

NOPE. NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Do NOT wait for a return email. That takes the control of your recovery out of your hands. Are you serious about recovery, or not?

Call the Sheriff's Department or Police Department in your city and tell them you need the name of a polygrapher. Don't wait for someone to 'get back to you'.

Bricks has not posted recently, and we are concerned about him. Please tell him that we are very concerned about him and would like him to check in, okay?

Have you told your BH the ENTIRE truth about what happened with OM? Are you hiding anything else?